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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973099">In the Grey</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsofsilencearemusic/pseuds/momentsofsilencearemusic'>momentsofsilencearemusic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Evil Snoke (Star Wars), F/M, Force-Sensitive Original Character(s), Han Solo's A+ Parenting, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple, Major Original Character(s), Manipulative Snoke (Star Wars), Original Character-centric, POV Ben Solo, POV Original Character, Parent Han Solo, Seduction to the Dark Side, Senator Leia Organa, Snoke Being a Dick (Star Wars), Space Mom Leia Organa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:54:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>67,294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973099</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsofsilencearemusic/pseuds/momentsofsilencearemusic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Raised in the Light but tempted by the Dark, Ben Solo was used to feeling conflicted. Raised with no notion of Light or Dark, Amaya Fall had only ever seen the Force as something whole. What happens when Amaya shows up on the doorstep to Luke's Jedi academy one night, begging to be admitted? Will she be able to resolve the conflict within Ben or will his conflict become her own?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Oc Centric Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Girl from Alfazine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="xcontrast">
<p></p><div>
<p></p><div><p>
        <strong>Disclaimer: I do not own anything!</strong>
      </p><p>The rain was torrential and cold. Amaya huddled her thin sweater around herself, shivering violently as she followed the strange blonde man up the hill. She had foolishly decided to wear her best clothes and now they were ruined. She was soaked through to the bone. So much for making an impression.</p><p>Near the top of the hill, the man stopped and turned to look at her.</p><p>"You should have dressed warmer." The man said, "It's our rainy season. It'll be like this for weeks."</p><p>"I don't own any warmer clothes." Amaya replied, somewhat defensively. "I grew up on-"</p><p>"I know." The man interrupted her, "Alfazine."</p><p>Amaya frowned, privately wondering why he commented on her lack of warm clothes if he knew where she was from.</p><p>"I'm from Tatooine, myself." The man said. Amaya nodded, unable to think of a response. At the moment, she really did not care where he was from as long as he brought her someplace warm and dry.</p><p>"Never mind, you're freezing." The man said, watching her shiver violently. "Let's go. We're almost there."</p><p>Amaya felt a surge of relief run through her followed almost immediately by apprehension as the man led her into a forest. Amaya struggled to keep up, stumbling over stones and twigs in the darkness. It was almost night and Amaya did not want to be caught alone in a forest with this man from Tatooine.</p><p>At last Amaya spotted a light through the trees, so bright it was almost blinding in the darkness. "Is that where we're going?" She asked the man, hurrying up to catch up with him.</p><p>The man nodded, "Yes, that's the temple. The padawans will be in the mess hall eating dinner around now. We'll have time to talk before evening meditation."</p><p>"How many padawans are there?" Amaya asked, through chattering teeth.</p><p>"Only 24 right now." The man replied, "But we are actively seeking to find young Force-sensitives to join."</p><p>"How young do you take them?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Some as young as three years of age." The man replied, "Of course...most parents don't allow their children to begin training before at least five."</p><p>Amaya fell silent, suddenly grateful she had not been taken from her family at such a young age.</p><p>"Here we are." The man said as the forest began to thin and the temple came into view. The imposing structure was made of pure white stone, smoothed over and rounded to create a dome.</p><p>"It's beautiful." Amaya said, more to herself than to her companion.</p><p>The man nodded, leading the way into a courtyard filled with an array of blossoming flowers. Green vines snaked their way up the walls of the courtyard, casting shadows on the cobblestone walkway beneath.</p><p>"The padawans do all the gardening around here as well." The man said, as Amaya reached out to touch one of the rain-covered plants.</p><p>"Master Luke?" A male Quarren asked, coming to stand in the open doorway. "We've been looking for you. Lila is sick again. Ben gave her the medicine you brought for her but it doesn't seem to be working."</p><p>The man, whom Amaya now knew must be named Luke, sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I'll be there in a moment, Hennix." He said to the Quarren, before turning to excuse Amaya. "Excuse me, I'd better deal with this first. You can wait in my study until I'm done. I shouldn't be long."</p><p>Hennix turned his eyes on Amaya as she followed Luke in, relishing in the warmth of the inside. She met his eyes, attempting to feel out his thoughts and emotions. Interest, curiosity, intrigue...<em>surprise.</em>..Hennix recoiled as if he'd been shocked and Amaya frowned. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again, prying her eyes away from the Quarren. She turned her focus to Luke instead and followed him down the hallway to his study.</p><p>"I'll be right back." Luke said, opening the door to his study and gesturing for her to enter. Amaya peered inside, taking in the warm dark red carpet and mahogany desk strewn with papers. Maps and drawings of different solar systems and planets were plastered all over the walls, interspersed with drawings of rocks and plants and animals Amaya had never seen before. She approached the desk, picking up a framed photograph of Luke and two others. His companions were smiling and standing in front of a spaceship. Beside Luke stood a woman, her hair curled into two buns on either side of her head. On the other side of the woman stood another man, his face handsome and mischievous.</p><p>"What are you doing?" A girl's voice asked from behind her.</p><p>Amaya jumped, dropping the photo and quickly hurried to pick it up and replace it in its original spot. She turned to look at the young woman standing in the doorway. Her skin was dark but her hair was white as snow. Amaya stared at her, not even having to try to feel the girl's emotions. They rolled off her in waves...suspicion, irritation, protectiveness...</p><p>"Luke told me to wait here until he got back." Amaya explained, feeling somewhat resentful of the girl's obvious distrust of her. "So that's what I'm doing. I'm waiting." She said flatly, pushing a strand of dark, wet hair out of her face. She was still freezing from being stuck in soaked clothes and she was in no mood to have to explain herself to this inexplicably hostile girl.</p><p>"You mean<em> Master</em> Luke told you to wait here." The girl replied testily, narrowing her eyes. "Who are you?"</p><p>Amaya raised an eyebrow, considering telling the girl to go away but bit her tongue. If all went well, she may have to spend a lot of time with this girl.</p><p>"My name's Amaya." Amaya replied, "I'm from Alfazine and I'm here to ask your Master Luke for a favour."</p><p>"What favour?" The girl asked and Amaya sighed.</p><p>"I'd rather not say." She replied, crossing her arms. "What's your name?"</p><p>"Voe I thought I told you to watch the Level 1s until I returned." Luke said, sounding irritated and tired. Amaya watched as Voe's eyes widened and she turned away from Amaya, suddenly looking bashful.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Master Luke." She said, "I was distracted by Lila's sickness and then-"</p><p>"It doesn't matter, I've already sent Tai up there. You can go to bed now." Luke replied tiredly, entering his study. "Goodnight." He said, closing the door on the girl.</p><p>Amaya stared at Luke, surprised by his sudden change in demeanour. He had been so relaxed and calm on the walk up. Now he was agitated or bothered by something.</p><p>"Is the girl - Lila - okay?" Amaya asked, feeling awkward, as Luke walked around to the other side of his desk and began shuffling his many papers into some sort of semblance of order.</p><p>"Oh yes, she's fine." Luke replied, sounding almost surprised by the question, as if his mind had been elsewhere, "She has a mild respiratory condition that she only discovered after moving here - likely because it's so humid here."</p><p>Amaya thought that was a bit of an understatement but made no comment.</p><p>"Speaking of which," Luke said, "Would you like a change of clothes?"</p><p>Amaya laughed, looking down at her drenched outfit. "Yes, but I can wait until after our conversation. I know it's getting late and you seem busy here so..."</p><p>Luke nodded, "Alright. Well here is the situation. I don't doubt you are Force-sensitive. I could sense it from the moment you landed on this island. You may very well be more naturally in tune with the Force than half the padawans here, in fact."</p><p>Luke paused and Amaya clenched her fists, knowing the "but" was coming.</p><p>"But you're far too old to begin training at this temple." Luke said and Amaya sighed. There it was. She had been anticipating it. In fact, she had come prepared with a lengthy argument for why she should be trained despite her age.</p><p>"What if I told you I've already trained myself." Amaya said, "My mother was Force-sensitive as well and she taught me some things. She taught me how to sense a lie, how to read a person's intentions and emotions. She even taught me how to do all the basic things like lifting rocks and summoning objects."</p><p>Amaya focused her attention on a pen on Luke's desk and easily lifted it, floating it towards her outstretched hand. "I just want to expand my knowledge. You won't have to start from the beginning with me."</p><p>Luke hummed, crossing his arms. "Becoming a Jedi is a lot more than lifting rocks." Luke said and Amaya rolled her eyes despite herself.</p><p>"I know that." She said quickly, "That's why I'm here. To learn."</p><p>Luke fell silent, seemingly deep in thought, and Amaya took this opportunity to continue her sales pitch. "You said you were actively looking for more padawans. Well I could be a new padawan. If it doesn't work and there's no way for me to catch up, then I'll leave. Just please give me the chance to try at least." She begged, desperation bleeding into her voice despite her best efforts to contain it.</p><p>"How old are you?" Luke asked at last.</p><p>"Twenty-two." Amaya replied. "But I don't mind if you place me in a class with younger padawans."</p><p>Luke shook his head, "My oldest padawans are twenty-two. Voe and Hennix, the ones you just met, are both your age. So is my nephew."</p><p>"I don't expect to be at their level." Amaya insisted, "I just want to learn anything you're willing to teach me. Anything at all."</p><p>Luke nodded, "I don't want to make a rash decision about this." He said at last, "I think that for tonight we had better get changed into some dry clothes and find you a place to sleep. Perhaps tomorrow you can join us for our daily training regime and we can decide how to move forward from there."</p><p>Amaya nodded, a feeling of adrenaline mixed with relief flooding through her veins. She had a chance. That was all she could really hope for right now. "Thank you." She breathed, hoping he could sense her incredibly sincere gratitude through the Force.</p><p>Luke smiled, "Don't thank me yet. I can't make you any promises and I don't want you to get your hopes up."</p><p>Amaya nodded, slightly deflated by his words but still unwilling to let go of her hope entirely, "I understand."</p><p>"Would you like to join us for the evening meditation?" Luke asked as he led the way out of the office and down the hall to a narrow, curved stairwell.</p><p>Amaya felt her heart leap with excitement and struggled to keep it from showing on her face, "That would be great, thank you." She replied, and Luke smiled at her for a moment before turning to lead the way up the stairs.</p><p>A few flights up they came out on a white hallway lined with wooden doors. "These are the dormitories." Luke said as they walked, "Older padawans have their own rooms. Younger padawans share bunk beds. We have some guest rooms for visiting family members at the end of the hall. I'll set you up in one of those."</p><p>Amaya nodded, staring at the doors as she passed them. Some were decorated with small painted planks bearing the names of the occupants. Amaya smiled as she recognized Hennix and Voe's names.</p><p>"Alright, this one is empty...I hope." Luke said, pulling out a large chain of keys and examining each one in turn until he found the correct one.</p><p>Unlocking the door, Luke cautiously pushed open the door and peered inside. "Yup, empty." He said, gesturing for Amaya to enter.</p><p>Amaya dropped her bag on the tiny bed, looking around the small, plain room. The walls were pure white and aside from the bed, the only furniture in the room was a small desk with a few drawers. The Jedi Order was clearly not very materialistic, Amaya thought to herself.</p><p>"I'll let you get changed and be back in five minutes." Luke said, turning to leave.</p><p>Amaya nodded, closing the door behind him. Alone at last, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding in and sank down onto the bed, putting her head in her hands. She'd made it. Unbelievably...against all odds...</p><p>Drawing in a shaky breath Amaya tried to calm herself as memories of the past 24 hours threatened to overwhelm her. No, not now, she told herself. With shaking fingers, she struggled with the clasp on her bag. Finally opening it, she pulled out her clean, dry clothes, running her hands over them. She pulled them up to her face, breathing in the familiar scent of home.</p><p>She changed quickly, pulling a brush through her wet hair in an attempt to make her black curls less frizzy. Realizing it was impossible, she sat back down, only to jump up again when Luke knocked on the door.</p><p>"Ready?" Luke asked as she opened the door.</p><p>Amaya nodded, exiting the room and accepting the key Luke provided her with. He led her down the hall, slowing down and stopping in front of a door decorated with a painted plaque that read "Ben". Luke knocked, and Amaya frowned, sensing Luke's mood sour the longer they waited for a response. After a while, Luke raised his hand and knocked again, this time calling out Ben's name. Still more silence followed before at last Amaya heard footsteps approaching the door from inside the room. The lock clicked and the door swung open, revealing a young man about her age with somewhat long, curly, black hair. Amaya stared at him, taken aback by the undercurrent of anger, pain, and fear radiating off him. Something had happened. Something was deeply wrong.</p><p>"This is Amaya." Luke said, nodding in her direction, "She's interested in joining the temple as a Padawan so I've agreed to let her stay for a few days to sit in on lessons. I was hoping you'd show her around, get her acquainted with the others, and answer any questions she may have."</p><p>Amaya felt Ben's anger fade as he turned to look at her, surprise and confusion filling his mind. "Nice to meet you." Amaya said, extending a hand quickly.</p><p>Ben took it, a small smile forming on his lips. "You too." He said, before letting go of her hand.</p><p>"I have to go set up for this evening's meditation so I am going to leave you with Ben now." Luke said, turning to Amaya, "You can always find me after the session tonight if you have any questions."</p><p>Amaya nodded and Luke turned to Ben, "Thank you." He said, and Amaya watched as Ben's jaw hardened ever so slightly in response.</p><p>"You're welcome, Master Luke." Ben replied, and Luke nodded before turning to leave.</p><p>Amaya and Ben watched him go in silence, neither knowing what to say. As Luke's footsteps faded into silence, Amaya turned to Ben, suddenly feeling inexplicably awkward, "So...is the meditation starting soon or...?"</p><p>"We have about 15 minutes." Ben replied, "I can...give you a tour before it starts?"</p><p>Amaya nodded, "Sure. That sounds good."</p><p>Ben closed and locked his door behind him before leading the way towards the stairwell in silence. Amaya followed, searching her brain for something to say.</p><p>"How long have you been a Padawan here?" Amaya asked, as she followed him up the stairs.</p><p>"Since I was 10." Ben replied, "So 12 years."</p><p>"I'm the same age as you. Luke says that's too old to begin training..." Amaya paused, suddenly remembering something Luke had said, "Wait are you his nephew?"</p><p>Ben was silent for just a beat too long before responding, "Yes."</p><p>Amaya frowned, falling silent. There was definitely something going on between Luke and Ben. She didn't even need the Force to know that.</p><p>"22 is too old to begin training." Ben said after a moment and Amaya felt a slight twinge of annoyance at the tone of his voice.</p><p>"My mother taught me some things." Amaya said defensively, as they reached the highest floor and came out into some kind of training room. The entire floor was circular and the ceiling was made of pure glass stained with raindrops from outside.</p><p>"Like what?" Ben asked, walking into the middle of the large room.</p><p>Amaya lifted her right hand slowly, lifting a long wooden pole off a nearby shelf as she did. She floated the pole over to Ben, leaving it hovering in the air between them. Ben looked at the stick and then back at her, his dark eyes suddenly curious.</p><p>"Do you know how to use it?" Ben asked, nodding towards the stick.</p><p>Amaya shook her head. "No,<em> that</em> my mother refused to teach me." She said, replacing the stick on the shelf. "She said there was no reason why I should learn to fight since I'd never have anyone to fight."</p><p>Ben frowned, his mouth twitching as if he found this amusing, "What kind of fairytale world did she live in?"</p><p>Amaya shrugged, "Her own world. She lived on an island in the middle of the Iridian sea on Alfazine. She refused to have any contact with the rest of the planet, let alone the rest of the galaxy. I was 18 before I saw another human I wasn't related to."</p><p>Ben stared at her. He was definitely interested now. "And then what happened?" He asked.</p><p>"And then she died." Amaya replied, watching as Ben's eyes widened almost imperceptibly.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He said quietly.</p><p>Amaya shook her head, "Don't be. It's been a while."</p><p>"So then how did you get here?" Ben asked, and Amaya laughed.</p><p>"That is a very long story." She said, "Maybe if Luke lets me study here I'll tell you."</p><p>Ben nodded, looking slightly disappointed. "What about you?" Amaya asked, "Where are you from?"</p><p>"Chandrila." Ben replied, "But I travelled a lot when I was a child. I even visited Alfazine once."</p><p>"Which part?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Ben shrugged, "I don't know I was too young to pay attention. I remember it was pretty though...and <em>hot</em>."</p><p>Amaya laughed, "Why did you travel so much?"</p><p>"My mother's a politician and my father-" Ben paused suddenly, frowning, "Wait you don't know?"</p><p>Amaya frowned, "Don't know what?"</p><p>"Who I am." Ben said, and Amaya's eyes widened in utter confusion.</p><p>"You're Ben?" Amaya asked, and Ben stared at her, in shock.</p><p>"You don't know my last name?" Ben asked, and Amaya frowned.</p><p>"No...?" She replied, "<em>Should</em> I?"</p><p>"Wait do you know who my uncle is? Who you were speaking to just now?" Ben asked, his eyes lighting up as if he was almost excited she didn't know.</p><p>"Luke?" Amaya asked, "Is he famous or something?"</p><p>At this, Ben stared back at her in shock for a moment before bursting into laughter. Amaya frowned, bewildered, as Ben doubled over laughing.</p><p>"I'm confused. Who is he?" Amaya asked, wanting to be let in on the joke.</p><p>Noticing her confusion, Ben composed himself, stifling his laughter. "Luke Skywalker. You've never heard of him?"</p><p>Amaya frowned, thinking, "Skywalker sounds familiar. Was he a Rebel leader or something during the time of the Empire?"</p><p>Ben laughed, "Yes. Luke Skywalker was the one who brought an end to the Galactic Empire."</p><p>Amaya nodded, understanding flooding her mind. Right. That did seem familiar. "Sorry I grew up on an island that didn't keep in contact with the outside world. I didn't even know there had been an Empire until I left the island. Plus, since Alfazine was never conquered by the Empire, no one there really knows or cares very much about it."</p><p>"I thought that's why you came here. Because of Luke." Ben said, and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"All I knew before coming here was that this was a Jedi temple. Actually, I wasn't even sure I'd landed on the right island when I arrived." Amaya said and Ben gave her a strange, almost fascinated look.</p><p>"So does this mean you're also a Skywalker?" Amaya asked and Ben shook his head.</p><p>"No, I'm a Solo. My father is Han Solo. He married Luke's sister, Leia." Ben explained and Amaya nodded, thinking back to the photo of Luke and two others on his desk. Had those been Ben's parents?</p><p>"We should go. We're going to be late." Ben said suddenly, his smile vanishing as he walked quickly back towards the stairwell. "Anyway, this is one of the indoor training rooms. I'll show you the other another time." He said as he led the way down the stairs at breakneck speed. Amaya followed as quickly as she could without tripping and killing them both. At last, they reached the bottom and came out into the hallway Amaya had been in when she'd first arrived.</p><p>"This way." Ben said, gesturing for her to follow him down a side corridor. Reaching a door at the end of it, Ben stopped and listened, before swearing under his breath.</p><p>"They've already started. Be absolutely silent." He whispered before pushing open the door enough for the two of them to slip in. Luke looked up from his position at the front of the room as they walked in before returning his attention to the floor. The room was filled with four rows of padawans of different ages all sitting cross-legged and staring at the floor. Ben led Amaya past the back three rows to the front left hand corner and quietly took a seat next to the boy Amaya recognized as Hennix. Amaya quickly took a seat next to Ben, imitating his posture and staring at the ground. She desperately wanted to ask what they should be doing during the meditation but knew it would be a grave mistake to talk. So instead she decided to do what her mother had taught her and hope that it wasn't too far off from what was expected.</p><p>Amaya closed her eyes, feeling the Force rush around her like water. She smiled, greeting it like an old friend. After a few moments, she began wading through the water, reaching out for Ben. She felt a rush of familiar life force she recognized as his own and her smile faded as she felt the fear that permeated him. Was he afraid because they'd been late? Was Luke going to be angry with him? It was a dark fear, one that verged on defensive anger and hurt. Amaya nudged him gently with the Force, sending a feeling of gratitude his way. She felt him respond with surprise and smiled, trying not to laugh.</p><p>She moved on, reaching out through the Force past Ben to Hennix. She felt his life force flow through the space liquid a warm breeze and sent a wave of happiness his way as a greeting. Once again, she was met with a wave of surprise. However, then surprise quickly turned to happiness and Hennix returned her greeting with one of his own that made Amaya grin even wider. Opening her eyes, just a crack, Amaya glanced to her right and found, just as she'd expected that Hennix was looking over at her out of the corner of his eye, a look of amusement on his face. Amaya smiled mischievously back at him for a moment before Ben opened his eyes, making eye contact with her. Amaya's smile softened into one more gentle as he stared back at her, his expression more curious than anything else.</p><p>After a moment, Ben closed his eyes once more and Amaya did the same, concentrating on her own life force pulsating within her own body. She felt the Force swirl around herself, millions of bright colours blending together. She felt the life forces of the others students, of Luke, of the birds and the animals outside the temple, of the fish in the sea off the island. She felt it all blend together, life and dark, beautiful and ugly, birth and death, and she let it wash over her, intoxicated by the feeling. It was beautiful and terrible and she loved it so much she grinned.</p><p>"Thank you everyone. That is it for tonight." Luke said, making Amaya jump. She opened her eyes, disoriented as she struggled to remember where she was.</p><p>"Nice to meet you, my name's Hennix." Hennix said and Amaya turned to look at him, remembering the Force greeting she had given him.</p><p>"I'm Amaya." She replied, stretching her hand across Ben's lap to shake hands with Hennix.</p><p>"Are you joining us?" The girl named Voe asked, walking over as the three of them stood up. "Was that the favour you wanted to ask of Master Luke?"</p><p>Amaya shook her head, "I'm going to sit in on some of your lessons and then we'll see. I don't know as much as you do so it might not work out."</p><p>"You know enough." Hennix said, sending her a friendly smile.</p><p>Amaya shook her head but smiled gratefully nonetheless. She watched as a bald young man around the same age as the others approached, smiling curiosly at her.</p><p>"Amaya, this is Tai." Hennix said, gesturing towards the boy. "He also trains in our class."</p><p>Amaya extended a hand, "Nice to meet you." She said once again, and Tai nodded.</p><p>"You as well." He replied, shaking her hand.</p><p>"I'm glad you made it." Luke said, coming to join the small gathering. "I see you'll have no problem with this aspect of the training."</p><p>Amaya frowned, suddenly self-conscious. Had he sensed her use of the Force during the meditation? Of course, he must have, Amaya thought. If she could sense all of the others in the room, it only made sense that they could also sense her. She wasn't used to being around other Force-sensitives. This lack of privacy was going to take some getting used to.</p><p>"What happens tomorrow?" Amaya asked, looking around at the other padawans.</p><p>"Breakfast is at 7 and training starts at 8." Luke replied, "Voe, would you mind if Amaya borrowed one of your training outfits for tomorrow?"</p><p>Amaya looked at Voe, half expecting her to express some sort of dislike about this plan, but instead the girl nodded. "Of course."</p><p>"Wonderful." Luke said, smiling, "Well, I'm exhausted. I suggest you all get a good night's sleep. We'll be running the course tomorrow."</p><p>The others nodded and Amaya wondered privately what running the course meant.</p><p>"We can finish the tour of the temple tomorrow." Ben said, as Luke left.</p><p>"What did you already show her?" Hennix asked, his eyes lighting up.</p><p>"Just the upstairs training room." Ben replied.</p><p>"Did Luke put you in charge of her?" Voe asked, an edge to her voice that sounded almost like jealousy. Amaya stared at the girl, confused as to why she would be jealous of Ben's role when she appeared to barely tolerate Amaya's presence in the temple in the first place.</p><p>"Yea, I don't think he wanted to burden any of you with the task-" Ben said before catching himself and turning beet red, "Not that you're a burden." He said, turning to Amaya. "I just meant-"</p><p>Amaya laughed and Voe, to Amaya's great surprise smacked Ben on the arm.</p><p>"Ow!" Ben cried, glaring at Voe and angrily rubbing his arm. "You know that's not what I meant."</p><p>"Come on, ignore him." Voe said, grabbing Amaya's arm and pulling her away. "I'll get you an outfit for tomorrow."</p><p>Amaya looked at the girl in utter confusion before twisting around in Voe's grasp to look back at the others. Ben was talking to the bald boy, Tai, looking seriously annoyed.</p><p>"Ben can be so insensitive sometimes." Voe said as they walked and Amaya turned back around, pulling her arm out of Voe's grasp. She glanced sideways at Voe, more than a little disturbed by her sudden change in attitude towards her. Based on her behaviour earlier, Amaya thought that Voe calling Ben insensitive was a little bit like the pot calling the kettle black.</p><p>"I think he was trying to say Luke wasn't trying to confer any sort of special privilege on him." Amaya said, "Luke chose him to be my guide because he's his nephew and he felt more comfortable putting that burden on his shoulders than asking one of you to sacrifice a few days of training to babysit me."</p><p>"Well then he should have said that." Voe replied testily, "And he shouldn't have said it in front of you."</p><p>"I don't mind." Amaya said, truthfully.</p><p>"You should." Voe said, and Amaya frowned, falling silent. She was not about to get into a pointless argument with this inexplicably fiery girl.</p><p>"Just wait a moment, I'll get you the outfit." Voe said, stopping outside a door bearing a plaque that read "Voe". She unlocked the door and entered the dark room. Amaya waited outside, listening to the sound of her rummaging through her things. A few moments later, Voe reappeared, holding out a thin, silky grey outfit. Amaya took it, running her hands along the fabric. It was clearly more expensive than anything she had ever owned.</p><p>"Thanks," Amaya said, "It's beautiful."</p><p>Voe laughed, "It's quite plain actually. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast?"</p><p>Amaya nodded, "Goodnight."</p><p>"Goodnight." Voe echoed, smiling as she closed the door.</p><p>Amaya stared at the closed door, running her hands along the fabric as she tried to process what had just happened. Deciding to just be confused, she shook her head and turned to walk back to her own room.</p></div></div></div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Jedi Way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>Amaya woke up to the sound of rain on the window in her small bedroom and rolled over onto her back, groaning. To say she was exhausted was an understatement. Amaya lay with her eyes closed, trying to remember the last time she'd had a proper night's sleep. It had to have been before the war. Before the brother who ruled her home kingdom, Ilfain, had turned upon his sister who ruled the neighbouring kingdom of Rhuain and started a year-long bloody war over premoya oil. Amaya pulled the pillow out from under her head and smothered her face with it to block out the light.</p><p>A knock sounded on her door and Amaya pushed the pillow off her face, sitting up abruptly.</p><p>"Amaya?" Ben's voice called, tentatively. "Are you ready for breakfast?"</p><p>Shit. She was probably already late. Again. Luke was going to think it was a habit of hers and refuse to admit her to the school for lack of punctuality.</p><p>"Sorry, I'm not ready yet!" Amaya called, jumping out of bed and picking up Voe's outfit. "You can go down without me."</p><p>Ben was silent for a moment before replying, "Do you know where the mess hall is?"</p><p>"I'm sure I can find it." Amaya replied through the door, as she struggled to put on Voe's surprisingly complicated outfit. There were just so many pieces of fabric and straps and...was that a belt?</p><p>"I can wait for you." Ben said and Amaya smiled.</p><p>"No, go on ahead. I'm going to be a while." She replied, running a brush through her long hair. Just getting this mess of curls into a bun was going to take half the day, Amaya thought to herself.</p><p>Ben hesitated before finally agreeing. Amaya heard his footsteps walk away as she struggled with her hair. Perhaps this is why Tai doesn't have hair, Amaya mused.</p><p>After what seemed an eternity, she was finally ready. Grabbing her key, she locked her room behind her before practically sprinting down the hall to the stairs. In front of her, a group of young children, no older than 10, were walking down the stairs together. Their chatter stopped abruptly as they noticed her and they fell silent.</p><p>"Hi." Amaya said, smiling at them. A few of the children giggled and waved shyly as they reached the bottom floor.</p><p>"What's your name?" A Twi'lek girl asked.</p><p>"Amaya." Amaya replied, "What about you?"</p><p>"Teka." The girl replied.</p><p>"I'm Jules." A human boy piped up as they walked.</p><p>"And I'm Wren." The other boy, a Quarren, added.</p><p>One human girl, with white blonde hair stayed silent, her eyes fixed on the floor. "And what's your name?" Amaya asked the girl.</p><p>"That's Isla." Teka said, "She doesn't talk much."</p><p>Amaya nodded, smiling, "That's okay." She said as they reached the mess hall. "It was nice to meet you all." Amaya said as she spotted Ben, Hennix, Voe, and Tai at a table at the far end of the hall. "I'll see you later."</p><p>The children gave their goodbyes as Amaya left, weaving her way through the tables until she reached the older padawans.</p><p>"You made it!" Voe cried as she took a seat next to Hennix. "I was just about to come looking for you." She added, shooting a look of contempt at Ben.</p><p>"Yea, I slept in." Amaya admitted, "Sorry I'm late. Where...where do I get the food?" She asked, remembering this was the point of breakfast.</p><p>"Over there." Hennix said, pointing towards a small counter staffed by a teenaged boy handing out plates of food.</p><p>Amaya nodded and stood back up, walking over to get her food.</p><p>"You still should have waited for her." Amaya heard Voe say from behind her as soon as she thought Amaya was out of hearing range.</p><p>"Voe, give it up already." Tai replied.</p><p>Amaya walked away faster, not wanting to hear any more. She took the plate the boy offered her and then walked back to the table, noticing how it became quiet as she sat down.</p><p>"So what are we doing today?" Amaya asked to break the awkward silence.</p><p>Hennix shrugged, "It's never possible to predict. Sometimes I swear Master Luke makes it up as he goes."</p><p>"What does running the course mean?" Amaya asked as she ate.</p><p>"It's an obstacle course Master Luke made for us. It's outside which means we're going to be soaked." Voe said, wrinkling her nose.</p><p>"It's going to be harder in the rain too." Tai added, "Everything's going to be slippery and the ground's going to be muddy."</p><p>"I hope he saves it for the end of the day, maybe the rain will let up by then." Hennix said.</p><p>"No way, I want to get it over as soon as possible. It's exhausting." Voe complained.</p><p>Amaya looked across the table at Ben, who had stayed silent up until now. The others continued to talk animatedly about the training course but Ben was clearly not listening. He stared at his food, picking away at it disinterestedly.</p><p>"Did you sleep well?" Amaya asked him.</p><p>Ben looked up at her, the answer to her question evident from the circles under his eyes. "Yes." He replied, "Did you?"</p><p>Amaya shrugged, "I did." She said, "I'm just exhausted from the travel here."</p><p>Ben nodded, and Amaya bit her lip. "You know this fruit reminds me of something we have on Alfazine." Amaya said, glancing at him. To her dismay, he acted as if he hadn't heard her, not even looking up.</p><p>"Amaya have you ever held a lightsaber before?" Voe asked, forcing Amaya to pull her attention away from Ben and back towards the rest of the group.</p><p>Amaya felt a sudden wave of hatred rise within her for the girl in front of her. What was her problem? Why was she intent upon making Ben feel bad about everything he did? Wasn't she supposed to be his friend?</p><p>"No." Amaya replied shortly, fighting to hide her anger from the others.</p><p>"I wonder what colour yours will be." Voe continued on, thankfully oblivious to Amaya's suppressed hatred of her. "Do you know what the colours mean?"</p><p>"No." Amaya replied once more.</p><p>"Green means you're connected to the Force on a more intellectual level. Blue means you interact with the Force on a more physical level. Mine is green, everyone else here has blue lightsabers." Voe explained and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"Will I even get a lightsaber though?" Amaya asked, "I might not even be allowed to stay. This is just a trial run."</p><p>Hennix shrugged, "I guess it would be a good way for Luke to understand how you interact with the Force better."</p><p>Ben stood up abruptly, picking up his plate. "I'm going to go down to the training room now. You can take your time though, Amaya. If you're not done eating, they can show you how to get downstairs."</p><p>"Oh, I'm done." Amaya lied, pushing away her plate and standing up.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Ben asked, looking at her half finished food skeptically.</p><p>"You should really eat more, you'll need it." Voe said. Amaya felt her resolve to not finish her breakfast intensify tenfold with this comment and shook her head.</p><p>"I'm full. Really." She said, "I'll come with you." She said to Ben.</p><p>Ben nodded, "Okay." He said simply, picking up his plate and walking over to give it back to the man at the serving counter. Amaya followed him, hearing the others get up to do the same behind her. Ben waited for them near the entrance to the mess hall and together they walked down to the training room, Voe and Hennix chattering about fighting techniques Amaya had never heard about. Amaya, Ben, and Tai walked in silence, a heaviness in the air that Voe and Hennix seemed oblivious to.</p><p>The basement training room they entered was smaller than the one upstairs but had more shelves full of different kinds of training material. Amaya watched as the four padawans went to the shelves, picking out four wooden staffs.</p><p>"Here." Hennix said, handing her a wooden staff. "We use these instead of lightsabers most days because they're safer."</p><p>Amaya took the stick, holding it up awkwardly. "Hold it like this." Voe said, demonstrating with her own stick.</p><p>Amaya adjusted her hands to mirror Voe's, "Like this?" She asked.</p><p>Voe nodded, "Exactly. Now bring your elbows up. You want them to be at a right angle."</p><p>Amaya lifted her elbows, looking around at the others. Ben and Tai had started to fight and Amaya unconsciously let her arms lower as she watched, mesmerized by the speed and fluidity at which they moved. It was terrifying. A beautiful deadly dance that left Amaya feeling short of breath.</p><p>"It's amazing isn't it." Hennix said, noticing her expression.</p><p>"You should see it with real lightsabers." Voe added, grinning.</p><p>"Where's Master Luke?" Amaya asked after a moment, realizing he was absent.</p><p>"He's teaching the younger padawans. He'll be down in about an hour. We usually spend the first hour practicing and warming up." Hennix replied, "Today, we can teach you." He added, smiling.</p><p>Amaya laughed, shaking her head, "You don't have to do that."</p><p>"We want to." Voe said, lifting her staff. "Try to block me."</p><p>Amaya's eyes widened in fear as she stared at Voe but she lifted her staff anyway, waiting for Voe to make her move. "Elbows up." Voe reminded her and Amaya lifted her elbows just as Voe moved to strike. Surprised, Amaya failed to stop her and Voe's staff hit her gently in the stomach.</p><p>"Don't get distracted." Voe said, laughing and Amaya gave her a withering look.</p><p>"When you block someone it should be like this." Hennix said, drawing her attention towards him.</p><p>Amaya attempted to imitate his posture and he dropped his own staff and moved to adjust her position. "Yes, like that." He said.</p><p>"Let's do slow motion." Voe suggested, raising her staff slowly and then slowly moving it towards Amaya. Amaya slowly brought up her own staff, placing it in the position Hennix had shown her in time to block Voe's staff.</p><p>"Good!" Hennix cried, and Amaya laughed.</p><p>The hour flew by and before she knew it she had learned three different ways to block an attack and two different ways to initiate an attack. Voe and Hennix, as it turned out, were excellent teachers, and Amaya felt her anger towards Voe evaporate as the time went on.</p><p>"Excellent!" Amaya heard someone cry as she blocked three attacks from Hennix in a row. Amaya spun around to find Luke in the doorway, applauding.</p><p>"You're a quick learner." He said, and Amaya felt her cheeks burn in embarrassment.</p><p>"They," Amaya said, gesturing to Voe and Hennix, "Are excellent teachers."</p><p>"Well they should be." He said, grinning, "They learned from the best."</p><p>Amaya, Voe and Hennix laughed, as Ben and Tai came over to join them, both looking exhausted.</p><p>"Now that we're all warmed up, I think we should go upstairs and work on levitation and manipulation. We'll run the course after lunch." Luke said, gesturing for the small group to follow him.</p><p>They climbed the stairs in silence, the usual chatter of the padawans subdued by the presence of their teacher. Coming out into the larger upstairs training room, Luke turned to look at Ben.</p><p>"Ben, you take Amaya over there," He said, pointing to the far left side of the room, "Test her abilities since I understand this is an area she has some experience in. Tai, Hennix, and Voe, come with me." Luke said, leading the other three off to the right.</p><p>Amaya looked over at Ben, trying and failing to make eye contact with him. Well this should be fun, she thought bitterly. They had gotten along fine yesterday. What was wrong with him today? Was his bad mood really because of Voe? Or was there more to it?</p><p>"So what do you want to test me on?" She asked as they walked.</p><p>"Pick that up." Ben said, pointing towards a heavy metal chain curled up in the corner of the room. Amaya nodded, lifting her hand and using the Force to levitate it.</p><p>"Stretch it out." Ben said and Amaya did as she was told, straightening the chain into a long line.</p><p>"Now curl it into a ball." Ben said. Amaya obliged, following his instructions as he got her to move the heavy chain through the air into countless different positions. After five minutes she began to feel her strength dwindle and her hands began to shake from the force of keeping the chain afloat. She breathed deeply, trying to forget the pain.</p><p>"Okay you can put it down." Ben said at last and Amaya felt a wave of relief rush over her as she finally deposited it back in the corner. She took a seat, panting as she struggled to recover from the physically exhausting exercise.</p><p>"You're good but you're weak." Ben said, coming to stand in front of her, "Your technique is sloppy too."</p><p>"That's because I never learned any technique." Amaya said, pushing a stray strand of black hair out of her eye.</p><p>Ben made no reply, his mind clearly elsewhere. Not allowing her time to recover, Ben pointed to a small ball resting on a shelf. "Pick that up." He said, and Amaya nodded, standing up once more.</p><p>"Alright." She said, lifting her hand to make the ball levitate. The moment she did so, Ben responded in kind, extending his arm towards the ball. Amaya tried to pull the ball upwards only to be met by Ben's equally strong downward pull. The ball rolled over, not leaving the ground. Amaya inhaled deeply, feeling the Force wage a war against itself. She reached out, feeling the strength of Ben's power pushing the ball downwards. Suddenly, an idea occurred to her and Amaya changed tactics. She quickly changed her influence on the ball, forcing it sideways off the shelf instead of upwards. She felt Ben's surprise at her move and quickly pushed the ball upwards before he could recover. The trick paid off and the ball rose half a foot before being stopped by Ben again.</p><p>Ben glanced over at her and she smiled before returning her attention to the ball and doubling her concentration. She tried to pull the ball sideways again, only to be stopped by Ben this time. The ball didn't so much as budge and Amaya bit her lip, trying to think of a way around this impasse. She wasn't used to her manipulation of the Force being met by another. For the past four years, when she had tried to control the Force she had had no one to oppose her will. Now, it seemed no matter how hard she willed the ball upwards, Ben was capable of willing it just as effectively downwards.</p><p>She reached out, feeling the Force swirl around the ball, pulling it in opposite directions. Without letting go of her upwards pull on the ball, she focused part of her attention on the downwards pull, attempting to reverse it. She increased her concentration, begging the Force to listen to her, and felt a thrill as the Force responded, lessening the downwards pull slightly. The ball rose slightly and Amaya felt her heart beat increase with adrenaline. It was working!</p><p>"Go Amaya!" Voe cried from behind her, and Amaya felt a sudden shift in Ben's mood. His temper flared and with it Amaya felt a surge of power flow out of him towards the ball. Before she had time to react, the blast of power hit the ball, sending it crashing to the ground. Amaya jumped back, in shock, as both she and Ben let go of their control over the ball. Amaya stared in shock at the ball as it bounced in front of her before looking back up at Ben.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I distracted you!" Voe cried, and Amaya pretended to not hear her, staring at Ben instead.</p><p>"That was incredible." Amaya breathed, taken aback by the sheer display of power she had just witnessed. He had turned his anger into power, turning their even match into an easy victory.</p><p>Ben ignored her, staring at the ball as if it were a deadly snake. She stared at him in confusion, feeling waves of fear, regret, and hatred roll off of him. Amaya frowned, noticing that even his hands were shaking slightly.</p><p>"Ben, are you okay?" Amaya asked, at last. She had been wanting to ask this question since she'd met him. She'd restrained herself because he was a stranger and what was wrong with him was none of her business, but now she found she couldn't stop herself.</p><p>Ben froze, turning to give her a piercing look, "What makes you think I wouldn't be?" He asked, clearly fighting to keep his voice even.</p><p>Amaya bit her lip, already regretting having said anything. "Okay, just checking." She said, "What next?"</p><p>"It doesn't matter. You're not getting a spot in this temple anyway." Ben said, and Amaya felt her insides turn to ice. That was unwarranted.</p><p>"What's wrong with you?" Amaya asked, the ice inside her quickly turning to anger, "You were so pleasant yesterday."</p><p>"I'm just telling you the harsh truth because no one else will." Ben said viciously, "No one older than 14 has ever been admitted to this temple. Luke is just giving you this "trial run" because he feels bad. Voe is being nice to you because she's jealous Luke gave me the responsibility of looking after you and not her and Hennix is helping you because he's naïve enough to think you stand a chance."</p><p>Amaya felt the breath go out of her as his words cut through her like a knife. She swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat and forced herself to hold onto whatever self-control she could.</p><p>"Well thank you for being so honest with me." Amaya said coldly. "At least you won't have to put up with the burden of my presence for much longer."</p><p>Amaya turned, walking swiftly away from Ben, trying to stop her hands from shaking. No, she told herself, calm down.</p><p>"Amaya," Luke said, turning to smile at her as she approached, "I was just about to come tell you it's almost time for lunch." Amaya wondered whether he could sense her agitation and tried to smooth over her emotions as best she could.</p><p>"Perfect timing, we just finished." Amaya said, forcing a smile.</p><p>"Excellent," Luke said, "You and Ben can head down to the mess hall now if you like. The others will be down soon."</p><p>"Thank you." Amaya said, before making a beeline for the stairwell as fast as she could. She took the steps two at a time, increasing her pace when she heard Ben follow her down.</p><p>"Amaya, wait." He called out and Amaya ignored him, exiting the stairwell onto the dormitory floor. She took off nearly running, hearing Ben's footsteps behind her.</p><p>"Amaya, stop, I'm sorry!" Ben called out and Amaya froze in her tracks, her heart pounding. She turned to face him, struggling to keep her hands from shaking.</p><p>"Listen." Ben said as he approached her, "What I said up there was uncalled for. And for what it's worth I don't actually think you're a burden. I was trying to placate Voe. She was jealous Luke gave me the responsibility of taking care of you and so I tried to downplay it and it came out wrong. And then this morning, I know I probably should have waited for you. You probably didn't feel comfortable asking me to wait after I called you a burden so I should have-"</p><p>"Ben I wasn't offended at all by what you said last night." Amaya interrupted him, "Ask Voe. I tried to explain to her what you meant when we went upstairs. I wasn't afraid to ask you to wait for me. I genuinely wanted you to go on ahead because I would have felt pressured and guilty if I knew you were waiting outside for me. You've been nothing but good to me until...you know...five minutes ago."</p><p>Ben shook his head, "I shouldn't have said that."</p><p>"It's okay." Amaya said, feeling her anger melt, "Really. Forget about it."</p><p>"I can't." Ben said, "I took my anger at Voe out on you and that is not okay."</p><p>"Ben, seriously." Amaya said, with as much sincerity as she could muster, "It's fine. You were justified in being angry."</p><p>"Jedi aren't supposed to get angry." Ben said, shaking his head, and Amaya stared at him incredulously.</p><p>"What do you mean Jedi aren't supposed to get angry." She said, laughing, "You're human aren't you?"</p><p>Ben scoffed, "Jedi are supposed to be better than that. The moment you let anger or jealousy or fear in is the moment you're at risk of falling to the Dark Side."</p><p>Amaya frowned, utterly confused, "What's the Dark Side?"</p><p>"The Dark Side of the Force?" Ben said, looking surprised, "Your mother never told you about that?"</p><p>Amaya shook her head, "She never said anything about there being different sides to the Force. She always spoke of it as a single entity; something whole."</p><p>Ben made no reply, his expression pensive. "Do you want to go to lunch?" Amaya asked, "I'm starving."</p><p>Ben nodded, "Sure." He said, leading the way to the stairs.</p><p>"Wait so is there a Light Side?" Amaya asked, suddenly captivated by this strange new way of thinking.</p><p>Ben nodded, "Yes, the Jedi draw their power from the Light Side of the Force. They practice non-attachment and universal compassion. Have you heard of the Sith?"</p><p>Amaya shook her head, so Ben continued, "The Sith are also Force users but they draw their power from the Dark Side of the Force. They use their emotions and desires to give them strength."</p><p>"Like you did today." Amaya said, and Ben froze, turning to stare at her, "With the ball. You turned your anger into power. I felt it."</p><p>"That was a mistake." Ben said, "I don't normally do that."</p><p>"Well I think it was brilliant." Amaya said, and Ben frowned, looking at her as if she was crazy.</p><p>"It was wrong." Ben said, as they entered the mess hall.</p><p>"Why?" Amaya asked, as she they made their way over to the serving boy, and grabbed their food.</p><p>"Because it's not the Jedi way." Ben replied, looking seriously disconcerted.</p><p>"So the Jedi way is good and the Sith way is bad?" Amaya asked, as they took their seats at the same table they had sat at for breakfast.</p><p>"Yes." Ben said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.</p><p>"Why are the Sith evil?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Because all they care about is themselves. They just follow their own desires and ambitions and it always ends in chaos. The Emperor of the Galatic Empire was a Sith Lord named Darth Sidious. So was his apprentice, Darth Vader. Together they destroyed entire planets and millions of lives all to satisfy their own desire for power. That is what the Dark Side is." Ben explained, and Amaya nodded slowly.</p><p>"I see." Amaya said, falling silent as she tried to process this information. Something just didn't feel quite right about what Ben was saying.</p><p>"Is there anyone who uses both sides of the Force?" Amaya asked, and Ben looked at her in surprise.</p><p>"Not anymore." He said, "There was a Jedi who was known for using both sides of the Force back in the time before the Empire. He was killed though, by Darth Vader."</p><p>Amaya nodded, "I understand the problem with only using the Dark Side." She said slowly, trying to unravel her thoughts, "But I also question whether it's wise to only use the Light Side. Yes, it probably would be wonderful if we could overcome all of our petty desires and stop feeling anger and fear and jealousy and all of this...but is that really attainable? I would be highly surprised if anyone in this temple has succeeded in achieving this ideal."</p><p>Ben made no reply, eating his food in silence, his expression lost in thought. "Even if it isn't unattainable...and I'm not saying it's not" He said after a moment, "Isn't it better to try than to just give in to the Dark Side?"</p><p>"Why not use both sides of the Force?" Amaya countered.</p><p>"Because it's hard." Ben said, nodding suddenly, as if he had figured something out, "Because the moment you accept the Dark Side, even just a little, you're at risk of being consumed by it. The only way to stay on the Light Side of the Force is to shut out the Dark Side altogether."</p><p>Amaya looked up, hearing Voe, Hennix and Tai approaching.</p><p>"Anyway, don't repeat any of this in front of Master Luke." Ben whispered urgently as the others approached, "He'll never let you in if he thinks you might fall to the Dark Side."</p><p>Amaya frowned, but nodded, just as the others arrived, taking seats next to her and Ben.</p><p>"Amaya you were amazing!" Voe exclaimed as she sat down. "You were winning against Ben. I can't even do that."</p><p>Amaya blushed, embarrassed by the praise and scrambled to think of ways to change the focus of the conversation. "What did you guys do with Master Luke?"</p><p>"Oh the usual." Voe replied, dismissively, "We're supposed to run the course after lunch though so prepare to be soaked." She said, "You don't have to run it though, Amaya." She added, "Master Luke said just to watch for today."</p><p>Amaya nodded, somewhat relieved. She had no desire to attempt what appeared to be an incredibly challenging obstacle course even for the temple's most advanced padawans.</p><p>"So Amaya, where are you from anyway?" Voe asked.</p><p>"Alfazine." Amaya replied, unconsciously glancing across the table at Ben as she did so. "What about you? How did you end up here?"</p><p>"I'm from Atterra Bravo." Voe replied, "My parents are tapestry vendors. When I was a child, I used to use Jedi mind tricks - not knowing, of course, that that was what they were - to convince people to buy the tapestries. I tried this on Master Luke and, obviously, it didn't work, but it did make him very interested in me. He tried to explain to my parents that he wanted to take me to an academy for Force-sensitive children, which didn't mean much to them since neither of them are Force-sensitive. They agreed to send me away with him if he paid them 3 month's food. He's still supporting them to this day."</p><p>"So they sold you?" Amaya asked, taken aback.</p><p>"Well kind of." Voe said indifferently, "I'm the 6th out of 9 children. It was either send me off with Master Luke and make enough money to feed the others or risk one of their children dying from starvation. Plus, they thought Master Luke seemed trustworthy enough to believe him when he said he intended to educate me and not sell me into slavery."</p><p>Amaya nodded, her perception of Voe changing once again. Just when she thought she had the girl figured out she revealed another part of herself that was wholly incompatible with Amaya's previous understanding of her.</p><p>"And what about you two?" Amaya asked, looking over at Hennix and Tai. "Where are you from?"</p><p>"I'm from Mon Cala." Hennix said, "My parents were fishermen and my mom was a Force-sensitive. When Master Luke came to our planet looking to recruit new padawans she felt it immediately and brought me half way across the planet to find him. She'd always wanted to be a Jedi but, of course, she grew up during the time of the Empire when there weren't any."</p><p>"And I'm from Serenno", Tai added after a pause, "My father's a friend of Master Luke's. He fought in the Rebellion with him. That's how he found me."</p><p>"You never said how you found this temple." Voe said, turning the attention back onto Amaya. "What brought you here?"</p><p>Amaya hesitated, wondering just how much of her past she wanted to divulge. "Well a friend of mine told me about the temple." Amaya began tentatively, "He helped me find a map and ship to get here."</p><p>"How do you know so much about the Force already?" Tai asked and Amaya turned to him surprised. He'd barely spoken to her since her arrival, but now he was listening to her intently.</p><p>"My mother taught me." She said, glancing once more at Ben who had been listening to the entire conversation in silence, "She wasn't a Jedi but she did know how to use the Force to a certain extent."</p><p>"She must be happy you're here now." Voe said and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"She died four years ago." Amaya said, "But yes, she would have been happy about me being here...I think." She added, thinking back to her and Ben's previous conversation about the Light and Dark sides of the Force. Would her mother have approved of this Jedi philosophy? Somehow, Amaya didn't think she would have.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Voe said, and Hennix nodded in agreement.</p><p>"It's okay." Amaya said, hating the way the room fell silent every time she spoke of her mother's death.</p><p>"What were you doing before you came here?" Ben asked suddenly, drawing the others' attention towards him. "You said you left the island you grew up on after your mother died. Where did you go?"</p><p>"I worked in an orphanage for a few years." Amaya replied, "Then the war started. Alfazine is divided into three kingdoms all owned by different members of the same ruling family. My home kingdom went to war against the neighbouring kingdom of Rhuain. I spent most of the war in a bunker after the orphanage was bombed. Only myself and a few of the children survived the bombing. We were in the market buying food when the building was hit."</p><p>The table was deadly silent now, as the four padawans stared at her in shocked silence. This was the reaction she had hoped to avoid. Amaya sighed, taking the last bite of her food before pushing away her empty plate.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Grandfather and the Wolf</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The rain poured down even harder than the day before as Amaya sat alone on a bench in an outdoor gazebo, watching Luke call out to the padawans as they ran through the obstacle course. Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of one of them darting between the trees, covered in mud, before they would disappear again into the forest. She closed her eyes, reaching out with the Force until she could practically see them, climbing over boulders, swinging on ropes through the trees, and crawling through underbrush. Their lightsabers blazed through the trees, cutting down targets with an ease that outright terrified Amaya. She couldn't imagine herself ever being this deadly. Then again, that was why she was here, she reminded herself. To learn how to be deadly. Wars could not be won without force after all.</p><p>Alone for the first time all day, Amaya let her mind drift back to the home she had left. She missed it. She missed the heat, the crystal blue ocean, the dusty streets, the smell of the marketplace...She missed it all so much it hurt. Not to mention the people. Amaya closed her eyes as she remembered the faces of the friends she had found in one of the worst places in the galaxy. They were survivors...all of them. Nothing scared them. Having grown up on her pristine island with her mother had spoiled her. She'd been wholly unprepared for the harshness of the world beyond the island and it had taken her a while to adapt. She thought back once more to Ben's description of the Dark Side of the Force. Yes, she had definitely been consumed by the Dark Side for a time, Amaya thought, as she remembered the terror of her first year as an orphan. But it had subsided. She'd regained her footing, she'd found her place, and now she was stronger because of it. In fact, a part of her was grateful for the horrors she'd had to endure. Without them she would still be the same scared little girl she'd been when she'd left her home island.</p><p>"You were on fire today!" Amaya heard Hennix cry, punching Ben playfully in the shoulder. She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself to keep out the chill, as the four padawans and Luke returned to the gazebo, completely drenched and covered in mud.</p><p>Ben laughed, and Tai wrapped his arm around him, joining in on the praise. Voe walked beside the three boys, her face solemn. So much for Jedi not feeling jealous, Amaya thought to herself as she watched Voe.</p><p>"Alright, I've got to get back to the level 2s." Luke said as the padawans entered the gazebo, tracking mud and water in with them. "I expect you all to go over the pages I assigned last class together in the library this evening. If you have any questions I'll be in my study after evening meditation and you can come by then."</p><p>The padawans nodded, still panting from the exercise. "Thanks Master Luke." Hennix said, as Luke walked away, returning to the temple.</p><p>"Well that was brutal." Hennix said, once Luke was out of earshot, "Shall we go inside, recover, and then regroup in the library in an hour?"</p><p>The others nodded, looking exhausted. "Amaya, I'll give you the chapters we had to read ahead of today's session when we get back. You can read before we go to the library to discuss." Ben said, and Amaya looked over at him, surprised.</p><p>"Sure." She said, "Thanks."</p><p>Voe stood up abruptly, turning to leave the gazebo, "Well I'm going inside to shower." She announced, prompting the others to follow. Amaya braced herself for the torrential downpour and winced as she stepped out of the protection of the gazebo.</p><p>"You should have really brought a coat." Ben said, falling into step beside her.</p><p>"I don't have one." Amaya replied, trying to look at him without getting water in her eyes.</p><p>"Who doesn't have a coat?" Ben asked incredulously.</p><p>"People from Alfazine." Amaya replied.</p><p>Ben fell silent for a moment and slowed his pace. Amaya slowed down to match him as the others moved on ahead.</p><p>"I think I know how to get Master Luke to let you stay." Ben whispered and Amaya frowned, turning to look at him. This morning she'd been convinced he didn't want her here...now he was offering to help her? It didn't make sense.</p><p>"How?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Have you ever had a dream that came true?" Ben asked, and Amaya felt a chill run through her that had nothing to do with the cold as she remembered the nightmares that had plagued her in her childhood.</p><p>"Yes." She said simply.</p><p>"Okay well Master Luke puts a lot of stock in dreams even if there's no evidence whatsoever they've been created by the Force. I once told him I dreamed the temple was destroyed by a storm and now every time there's a hurricane he makes us all sleep in the basement training room." Ben said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"So what's your plan?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"I tell him I had a dream in which you saved the temple from being destroyed by the storm." Ben said, his eyes lighting up. Amaya felt herself shaking her head before he could even finish speaking.</p><p>"No, Ben." Amaya said, "I don't want you to lie for me."</p><p>"Why not? He'll never find out the truth." Ben said eagerly, "And even if he does, I'll be the one in trouble, not you."</p><p>"I'm not getting in on a lie." Amaya said decisively, "If Master Luke doesn't think it's a good idea for me to be here then that's his decision. I'm not going to manipulate him into changing his mind. Besides, lying to your Master has got to be against some sort of Jedi code of ethics, right?" She added, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"I thought you didn't approve of Jedi ethics." Ben replied.</p><p>"I never said I didn't approve of them." Amaya said, "I just think they're impossible to live up to."</p><p>"Well don't you think it's more unethical for Master Luke to deny you the training you deserve than it is to tell a small, inconsequential lie? Master Luke is wedded to the Jedi ideals and he won't depart from them even when they cause more harm than good. You're strong with the Force. I can feel it. You could be more powerful than most of the other padawans here with proper training. Why should you be denied the opportunity to become a Jedi just because your mother hid you away from the world when you were a child?" Ben argued, the passion in his voice confusing Amaya to no end.</p><p>"Why do you even care if I get to stay here?" Amaya asked, the question coming out more harshly than she had intended.</p><p>Ben flinched, "Because it would be a waste of talent to turn you away."</p><p>Amaya narrowed her eyes, unable to believe this was his real motivation. "I appreciate you wanting to help." Amaya said, "But I don't want to lie to Master Luke."</p><p>Ben fell silent, his face pensive. "I understand." He said at last.</p><p>They continued to walk in silence as they entered the temple and climbed the stairs to the dormitories. Amaya felt Ben's mood darken as the silence between them thickened. At last, they reached Ben's room and Ben stopped to pull out his keys.</p><p>"I'll get you the Jedi text to read." Ben said, without looking at her as he moved to unlock his door.</p><p>"Ben," Amaya said, not wanting to lose what precious progress she had made with him, "I really <em>do</em> appreciate you wanting to help. It means a lot to me."</p><p>Ben was silent for a moment before looking at her, "It's unfortunate." He said, "Your refusal to lie to get in to the temple is the very reason you'd be a good Jedi."</p><p>Amaya frowned, something in his voice making her deeply unsettled. "I'll go get you the book." Ben said, disappearing into his room.</p><p>Amaya bit her lip, staring at a crack in the paint on his door. Ben returned a moment later with the book and handed it to her. "We're covering pages 18-21." He said.</p><p>"Thanks." Amaya said, giving a tight lipped smile as he closed the door. Amaya turned on her heel, returning to her room, eager to learn more about this Jedi philosophy.</p><p>First, however, she needed to shower and change. The clothes Voe had given her were still soaked from the rain and she was freezing. Amaya felt incredible relief as she stepped into the hot shower, relishing in the feeling of the warm water. No one, except the ultra rich, had warm showers on Alfazine. It was simply too hot all the time to warrant installing a heater to warm the water. But now, on this cool and damp planet, Amaya decided she would take a warm shower every night just for the fun of it.</p><p>Finally building up the motivation to step out of the shower, Amaya dried herself off and changed into some of the clothes she had brought. She wrapped her long hair in a towel, settling onto her bed to read the Jedi text Ben had given her. She thumbed through the book, turning to page 18 to find a series of short poems interspersed with beautiful illustrations.</p><p>
  <em>The baby is born and the first thing it does is cry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why is it's first reaction to life sadness?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Could it be it senses what lies ahead?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or could it simply be the baby is already discontent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The baby has been given life and yet it cries.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It cries because it wants.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wants because it lives.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ooo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A young girl lies awake at night, scared of the dark.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She watches the shadows, expecting to see a monster.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She listens carefully, expecting to hear an intruder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She lights the oil lamp, desperate for light.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A bird screeches and she drops the lamp.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The light becomes the danger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ooo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A mother watches her son die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her other children beg her for food and water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn't hear them over the sound of her own tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The children pull on her clothes and cry for help.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By the time the mother notices, they too are dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ooo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A boy's father is killed by thieves in the night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boy grows up and searches for the thieves.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boy finds one of the thieves at home with his son.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>During the night, the boy kills the thief.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The thief's son grows up and searches for the boy.</em>
</p><p>Amaya lowered the book, letting the stories wash over her. They were beautiful...and dark. Amaya pulled the towel off her hair, letting it fall down around her shoulders, cool and damp. She flipped through the rest of the Jedi text, glancing at the images and titles of other sections.</p><p>A sudden knock on her door jolted Amaya out of her reverie. She slammed the book shut, jumping out of bed. "Coming!" She called, putting on her shoes before opening the door to reveal Ben's face.</p><p>"I like this book a lot." Amaya said, handing the book back to Ben before locking the door behind her.</p><p>"I've read the entire thing twice." Ben admitted, as they walked.</p><p>Amaya turned to him, her face lighting up in surprise, "Wow." She breathed, "Which poem's your favourite?"</p><p>Ben flipped through the book and opened it to a page near the end. "This one." He said, pointing to a slightly longer text above a drawing of a wolf.</p><p>Amaya took the book, reading it as they walked. "A young girl brought home a wolf cub and presented it to her grandfather. Her grandfather shook his head and told her she couldn't keep it. Wolves are vicious, dangerous creatures, the grandfather said. They will eat you whole. The girl pleaded and pleaded with the grandfather until finally he relented. Okay, you can keep it, he said. Just keep it away from me. Happy, the girl raised the wolf cub until it was full grown. One day, the girl became ill and asked the grandfather to care for the wolf. The grandfather shook his head. Wolves are vicious, dangerous creatures. They will eat you whole. The girl begged him until finally the grandfather agreed to feed the wolf. The grandfather chained up the wolf and fed it just enough scraps to keep it alive. He beat it every time he approached it, afraid it would lash out at him. A month later, the girl was dead and the grandfather, overcome with sorrow approached the wolf. You are a vicious, dangerous creature, the grandfather said, not noticing the chain tying the wolf to the post had rusted. The wolf, desperate and on the verge of starvation lunged for the grandfather. The rusted chain broke...and the wolf ate the grandfather whole."</p><p>Amaya looked over at Ben as she finished the story, a chill running down her spine. "The grandfather was so convinced the wolf was vicious and dangerous that he inadvertently <em>made</em> it vicious and dangerous." Ben said, taking the book back from Amaya.</p><p>"He made his own fears come true." Amaya agreed, still slightly disturbed by the story.</p><p>Ben nodded, "If he'd just given the wolf a chance, he would have seen it wasn't the monster he thought it was."</p><p>Amaya nodded, "Why is that your favourite story?"</p><p>Ben shrugged, "I don't know." He said, "I guess I like it because the grandfather gets what he deserves."</p><p>Amaya laughed, "He deserved to be eaten?"</p><p>"Well he starved and beat the wolf for a month for no good reason." Ben replied, somewhat defensively.</p><p>"I think it's a tragedy." Amaya said, "The grandfather never learns he was wrong about the wolf. His belief that wolves are vicious and dangerous is vindicated. And the wolf never learns how to be anything but vicious and dangerous. It loses the girl, the only one who ever cared for it, and it's left traumatized and alone."</p><p>Ben was quiet for a moment before nodding, "You're probably right." He said at last.</p><p>Amaya's eyes widened as they reached the library at last. The room was entirely circular and filled with thousands of books. A spiral staircase rose up through the middle of the room, allowing access to the higher books. Behind the staircase, a door led into a small antechamber filled with yet more books and a long rectangular table. Ben led the way into the antechamber where Voe, Hennix, and Tai were already seated, discussing the texts.</p><p>"So Amaya, what did you think?" Voe asked excitedly as she sat down.</p><p>"They were fascinating." Amaya said, meaning it wholeheartedly. "Dark...but fascinating."</p><p>Voe laughed, pushing forward her copy of the text. "So what did we get out of the first one?" She asked the others, "Tai you're scribing right?"</p><p>Tai nodded, holding up his pen and paper. "We have to write down what we think the lessons are from each poem and give it to Luke." Hennix explained to Amaya.</p><p>"The first one was about desire being something all livings creatures are born with." Tai said, "Do you all agree with that?"</p><p>"Yes." Voe said, "Also the part about the baby being discontent even though it was just given life sounds like the author's trying to say living creatures are often stuck in a constant state of ungratefulness. They're never content with what they have they just want more and more and more."</p><p>Tai nodded, writing what she said down.</p><p>"What about the part where they ask whether the baby is sensing what lies ahead? Are they implying that life will necessarily be difficult?" Hennix asked.</p><p>"Possibly." Tai said, nodding, "That would make sense."</p><p>"The last line." Amaya said, drawing the others' attention towards her. "It wants because it lives...If wanting is a result of life then is it possible to live and not want?"</p><p>"Well that's the goal of a Jedi." Tai said, looking up from his paper, "We strive to let go of desire and attachment altogether and accept things as they are."</p><p>"But to accept things as they are...wouldn't that be to accept desire and attachment as a part of life?" Amaya asked, and Tai hummed thinking.</p><p>"I think you can be free of desire and attachment but still accept that other people are still ruled by these things." Tai said slowly, "Does that make sense?"</p><p>"But if you think desire and attachment are bad-" Amaya began but she was cut off by Voe.</p><p>"It's not that they're "bad", it's that they lead to suffering, and that's a fact. The Jedi don't want to suffer so they remove desire and attachment." Voe explained.</p><p>"Yes but then if they don't want to suffer then they are desiring something." Amaya said.</p><p>"Perhaps they are initially desiring to be free of desire," Tai admitted, "But once they are free of desire and attachment they no longer desire to be free of it, they just are free of it. It's just their new reality."</p><p>"Oh." Amaya said, settling back down in her chair, "Okay. I get it now."</p><p>"So number two?" Voe asked, and the others nodded.</p><p>"This one is similar to the wolf one, Amaya," Ben said, and Amaya nodded, "The girl's fear creates the danger itself."</p><p>"What wolf one?" Voe asked, looking between them.</p><p>"On page 36." Ben said, "I just read it for fun a while back."</p><p>"You read ahead?" Voe asked, a hint of jealousy entering her voice.</p><p>"I think that's really all we needed to get from that one." Tai said, saving Ben from having to respond. "What about number 3?"</p><p>"Well in this one the mother was so consumed by her grief that she forgot her duty to her other children." Hennix said.</p><p>"More than that her attachment to her dead child was so great that it caused her to lose her other children." Voe added.</p><p>Ben nodded, "If you spend all your time wishing for what you don't have instead of appreciating what you do have, you might lose what you have left."</p><p>Tai nodded, writing all of this down. "Okay last one." Voe said, checking her watch, "We need to be in the kitchen in 10 minutes."</p><p>"The kitchen?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"We're cooking dinner tonight." Voe replied, "It's our turn on the schedule."</p><p>"Oh so this morning and lunch..." Amaya began.</p><p>"Yea the other meals were cooked by some of the younger padawans. Everyone 13 years and older has to help out with the cooking. Everyone 8 years and older has to help out with the gardening and farming. And everyone, no matter how young, has cleaning duties." Voe explained.</p><p>"Okay so the last one is about the cycle of revenge." Tai said.</p><p>Hennix nodded, "If we give in to our own hatred, we will spread it. The Dark Side is contagious."</p><p>Amaya glanced over at Ben, remembering their earlier conversation.</p><p>Ben made eye contact with her, "But the boy had a choice. He could have chosen not to hate." Ben said, "He chose the Dark Side, it wasn't forced on him. Maybe it was in his nature to begin with."</p><p>"It would have taken more strength than most people possess to let go of his desire for revenge." Amaya said, "Should he really be faulted for not being strong enough?"</p><p>"I wouldn't say the poem is passing judgment on him." Tai replied, "It's just stating facts. Whether or not the boy can be blamed, morally, is irrelevant. The fact is he perpetuated hatred through his actions. Hennix is right, the Dark Side is contagious. Like a disease."</p><p>"So the Dark Side is not bad, morally speaking?" Amaya asked. Tai paused in his writing to look up at her.</p><p>"I suppose it depends on your sense of morality." He said.</p><p>"Do the Jedi believe it is bad?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Yes." Ben said, and Amaya turned to look at him.</p><p>"So the Jedi would blame the boy in the poem, morally, for perpetuating hatred?" Amaya asked, and Ben nodded.</p><p>"Definitely." He replied without a shadow of a doubt. "Wouldn't you all agree?" He asked the room.</p><p>Amaya looked around the room as the others nodded slowly, looking lost in thought.</p><p>"The Jedi have high standards for morality." Amaya commented.</p><p>"I suppose you could say that." Tai agreed.</p><p>The room fell silent as Tai finished writing. Amaya stared at the table, conflicted. The more she learned about it, the more she agreed with Jedi philosophy. But the more she learned the more she pitied those who would fail to live up to the Jedi ideals. Surely, very few individuals achieved such levels of morality. Did that mean the rest were condemned to forever feel inadequate? Or worse, to fall to the Dark Side as the only perceived alternative to being a Jedi? Surely there should be some sort of middle path. Some sort of attainable standard that was accessible to everyone.</p><hr/><p>Ben watched Amaya out of the corner of his eye as Tai finished writing. She was thinking deeply about something, her eyebrows creased and her gaze far away.</p><p>
  <em>What an interesting girl.</em>
</p><p>Ben froze, his fists involuntarily clenching into fists as the voice inside his head laughed.</p><p><em>Not now, Snoke. </em>Ben thought angrily.</p><p><em>I'm merely agreeing with what you were already thinking.</em> Snoke replied, <em>She's pure. She knows nothing of the legacy of the Skywalkers, of the Jedi, and the Sith. She has no notion of Light and Dark, only the Force.</em></p><p><em>She's made for the Light. </em>Ben thought back, remembering her reaction to his offer to lie for her.</p><p><em>Perhaps. </em>Snoke conceded, <em>But perhaps not as much as you think.</em></p><p>Ben narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious. <em>What do you know, Snoke?</em></p><p>His question was met by hollow silence and Ben gritted his teeth. He was playing with him. It was possible he didn't even know anything about Amaya.</p><p>"Okay, shall we go?" Tai said at last, bringing Ben back to the present.</p><p>"Yes!" Voe exclaimed, standing up quickly, "I'll go get the Tarsi root from the gardens."</p><p>Ben cringed internally at her enthusiasm, once again finding himself wishing for just one day without Voe. She was exhausting. When she wasn't jealous, she was critical, and when she wasn't either one of these things she was annoyingly energetic and <em>loud</em>.</p><p>"What are we making?" Ben heard Amaya ask as they filed out of the library. He fell behind the others, not wanting to leave the quiet and calm of the room.</p><p>"It's a seafood dish from my home planet." Ben heard Hennix tell Amaya, "I don't know if you'll be able to pronounce the name. Humans usually have trouble with it."</p><p>"It's Lllevalyn stew." Voe said and it was all Ben could do not to snort out loud.</p><p>Hennix laughed. "See that is how <em>not</em> to pronounce it." He said, "You have to use the back of your throat, almost like you're going to puke."</p><p>"Ew." Amaya said, wrinkling her nose with such genuine disgust that Hennix and Voe burst into laughter. Ben's lips twitched, almost reaching a smile before descending again.</p><p>Tai fell into pace beside him as the other three walked in front, chattering happily among themselves.</p><p>"She's smart." Tai said, his voice just barely above a whisper.</p><p>Ben nodded, watching Amaya from behind as she laughed at something Hennix had said.</p><p>"I wouldn't mind having her stay but I know Master Luke." Tai said, sighing, "He won't allow it."</p><p>"He's so stubborn." Ben said, a small fire igniting inside him at the thought of his uncle's dogmatic adherence to Jedi rules, "She clearly belongs here. He's just so obsessed with resurrecting the Jedi Order that he's making the same mistakes the original Order made."</p><p>"He's just scared of failing." Tai said diplomatically and Ben rolled his eyes.</p><p>"What is it he always says?" Ben sneered, "Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi? I guess he doesn't intend to meet his own destiny."</p><p>Tai fell silent for a moment and Ben sensed worry hidden under his friend's calm exterior.</p><p>"I overheard Master Luke sending a hologram message to your mother last night. Apparently he's planning on sending us to Endor on some kind of mission. Someone's been harvesting too many Ewoks and the New Republic wants it dealt with before the population becomes endangered." Tai said.</p><p>Ben sighed, "I bet my mother was the one who asked him to deal with this problem in the first place. Probably no one else in the New Republic would do anything. She has some sort of strange fondness for Ewoks I've never understood."</p><p>"That sounds like your mother." Tai agreed.</p><p>The two fell silent as they entered the kitchen and Voe and Hennix began pulling out pots and pans left right and center. Ben flinched as Voe threw a bag of potatoes at him, barely catching the heavy load before it crashed to the floor.</p><p>"Can you <em>not</em> throw the food?" Ben said, irritated. If Voe heard him, she pretended as if she hadn't, continuing on with her fast-paced work.</p><p>"There's some cutting boards over here." Hennix said, and Ben walked over to him, dropping the potatoes onto a large cutting board in between him and Amaya.</p><p>"Knife?" Amaya asked, handing him a large kitchen knife, which Ben gratefully accepted.</p><p>"So what was your favourite food on Alfazine?" Hennix asked Amaya as they worked, all of three of them chopping away as Voe and Tai began boiling the Lllevalyn.</p><p>"Well there's this type of edible coral that grows on the bottom of the sea." Amaya said, as she chopped. "I used to dive down and get it and we'd make this desert out of it. I don't even know what the real name of the dessert is because my mom always just called it sweet coral."</p><p>"Well that is incredibly obscure." Hennix replied and Amaya laughed.</p><p>Hennix engaged her in more mundane conversation about Alfazine and its food and Ben let his mind wander, thinking back to the mission Tai had told him about. They were going to save Ewoks. The small, stupid hairy creatures that had thought C-3PO, a rather larger and less hairy, but equally stupid droid, was a god. They should just let them die, Ben thought. It was a miracle a race that idiotic had even survived this long. Why should the Jedi have to carry out the missions the New Republic felt were too unimportant to warrant their attention?</p><p><em>Unsatisfied are you, my boy? </em>Snoke's voice rang in his ears.</p><p>This time, Ben welcomed it. Good. Someone he could vent to who wouldn't think he was heartless for not caring about the stupid Ewok.</p><p><em>The Jedi Order in the Time of the Old Republic was so much stronger than the one Master Luke is trying to create now. </em>Ben thought. <em>I think it's Master Luke who's holding us back. He's too set in his ways. He's too afraid to push us. We could be doing so much more. Instead we're stuck on this island for most of the year training for what? To save Ewok from inevitable extinction?</em></p><p><em>Perhaps Master Luke is just afraid. </em>Snoke replied. <em>He doesn't want to push you beyond what you're ready for.</em></p><p><em>Master Luke underestimates us. </em>Ben thought viciously, subconsciously cutting the potatoes with more force than necessary.</p><p><em>Underestimates you, perhaps. </em>Snoke said. <em>The others...I'm not so sure. They're not as powerful as you.</em></p><p>Ben tried desperately to control the swell of pride he felt at Snoke's words. He<em> was</em> more powerful than the others, though, Ben thought to himself. Everyone knew it.</p><p><em>Even Master Luke. </em>Snoke said and Ben felt a wave of anger wash over him.</p><p><em>Then why does he hold me back? </em>Ben thought angrily. <em>Why doesn't he trust me?</em></p><p>Snoke was silent for a moment before responding, quietly...almost apologetically. <em>I think you know the answer to that.</em></p><p>Ben felt Snoke's words cut through him like a knife and slammed his knife down into the potato angrily. He yelled out in pain as the knife cut his finger, spilling red blood out onto the chopping board.</p><p>"Woah are you okay?" Amaya asked as he hissed in pain as he examined his bleeding finger. It was a deep cut...deep enough to scar even.</p><p>"I'll get the bandages." Hennix said immediately, running out the door.</p><p>Ben walked over to the sink, his fury and humiliation at his own carelessness mixing with his fury at Luke and his sheer annoyance at now having to deal with a painful bleeding finger. Amaya followed him over, concern etched onto her delicate features in a way that made Ben want to disappear.</p><p>"That's deep. You should put pressure on it so it doesn't bleed too much." Amaya said, watching his movements with worried eyes.</p><p>"I am aware." Ben ground out, a feeling of guilt washing over him at the way her look of concern was quickly replaced by one of guarded cool at his harsh tone.</p><p>Amaya turned to leave and Ben mentally kicked himself, wishing he had just shut up for once. Hennix returned with the bandages and Ben quickly dried his finger on a towel, prompting a howl from Voe as he got blood on the white towel. Ben ignored her, wrapping his finger tightly with the bandage and then securing it in place.</p><p>"Okay well you're not chopping the potatoes anymore." Voe said, "You can boil the Lllevalyn with Tai."</p><p>Ben glared at her, wondering how she had come to the decision that <em>she</em> was in charge. He opened his mouth to say something to this effect when Tai came up beside him, putting a hand on his arm.</p><p>"Ignore her." Tai whispered, and Ben sighed, following his friend over to the giant pots of boiling fish on the stove. Together they stirred the fish, sprinkling in the necessary oils and seasonings in silence and Ben felt a rush of gratitude for Tai. He always knew just what to say and when to say nothing at all.</p><p>At last, the meal was ready and Ben watched as Amaya served the food, seemingly loving the limited interaction this gave her with the younger padawans. To his surprise, she already appeared to know some of them by name. He frowned, his anger at Luke resurfacing. She would have been the <em>perfect</em> Jedi.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Too Good to Be True</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>Amaya lay in bed, staring at the shadows dancing across the ceiling of her small room. There was no use in trying to sleep. Sighing, Amaya sat up, pushing the blankets off and climbing out of bed. She walked over to the window, staring out at the rainy forest beyond.</p><p>It was beautiful. It was perfect here, Amaya thought sadly. It was everything she'd ever wanted and more and tomorrow she would have to leave it. Amaya's mind wandered back to Ben's offer, more tempted by it now than ever. Amaya shook her head. No, she would never be able to enjoy her time here if she got in on a lie. It would poison the entire experience.</p><p>Deciding it was pointless to lie in bed, Amaya grabbed her keys and quietly left her room. Tiptoeing down the hallway, Amaya descended to the first floor. Walking through the empty hallway, Amaya felt a disturbance in the Force and paused. She reached out, probing the Force and came up against a feeling she was beginning to recognize as familiar. Ben.</p><p>Turning on her heel, Amaya tiptoed through the hallway, following the Force. Pausing in front of the door to the courtyard, Amaya slowly opened the door, revealing the garden outside. Ben was sitting on the stone step across the courtyard, underneath the awning. He looked up at her, his eyes tired, and Amaya felt her stomach flip. Suddenly feeling as though she should have walked past the courtyard and returned to her room, Amaya bit her lip, unsure whether she should leave.</p><p>"Can't sleep?" Ben asked, and Amaya sighed, closing the door behind her. Running through the rain, she crossed the courtyard to reach Ben, taking a seat next to him under the awning.</p><p>"Not a chance." Amaya replied, staring at the cobblestones in front of her.</p><p>"You're scared?" Ben asked, "About tomorrow?"</p><p>Amaya nodded, "I don't know what I'll do if Master Luke turns me away." She said quietly, "I don't know where I'll go."</p><p>Ben was silent and Amaya looked over at him, examining his face. He was so sad, Amaya thought to herself. And not sad in the transient way...sad in the deep, permanent way.</p><p>"Do you want to know why I came here?" Amaya asked quietly.</p><p>"To become a Jedi?" Ben asked, turning to look at her.</p><p>Amaya smiled, laughing quietly, "Well yes." She replied, "And no."</p><p>"What was your other reason?" Ben asked, and Amaya sighed.</p><p>"Alfazine is ruled by a single family. They're brutal and they fight all the time, forcing their people to go to war against each other." Amaya began, "I joined the revolution efforts to overthrow them. I came here to learn how to fight so that I could be of more use."</p><p>Ben looked over at her, his eyebrows creased, "Did you tell Master Luke this?" He asked and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"No." She said, "I wasn't sure how he'd respond."</p><p>"Well he, and my parents, fought in the Rebellion against the Empire." Ben said, "I think he'd see himself in you."</p><p>Amaya bit her lip, thinking. "I could tell him tomorrow morning if you think it would help my chances of getting in."</p><p>"It couldn't hurt." Ben agreed, before falling silent.</p><p>"So what about you?" Amaya asked, "Why can't you sleep?"</p><p>"Nothing in particular." Ben said, "I just don't sleep well in general."</p><p>Amaya nodded, not at all surprised by this information. "When I was a child I was terrified of going to sleep. I was scared of the dark. I was also scared the house would burn down or an animal would come in the house or I would have nightmares or I would die during my sleep...you get the picture. So every night my mom would put her hand on my head," Amaya said, touching her own forehead, "And remove all the fears and bad thoughts until I fell asleep."</p><p>"What did you do after she died?" Ben asked and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"Well then I had more real threats than nightmares and the dark. Going to sleep became an escape from the real world. When your worst nightmares come true and you have to live them every day, you find you're suddenly not afraid of a lot of the things that used to terrify you." Amaya said.</p><p>"So you're saying if my worst nightmares become a reality, I'll be able to sleep better." Ben said, smirking slightly.</p><p>Amaya laughed, "No. I'm saying that for me, as someone who used to be afraid of everything, having to face my fears was actually good for me in a weird kind of way."</p><p>Ben smiled, subconsciously playing with the bandage on his finger.</p><p>Amaya sighed, "I don't want to leave this place. It's perfect."</p><p>"It's not perfect." Ben replied.</p><p>"Well nowhere is truly perfect." Amaya amended. "But you have a great life here. There's no war, no poverty, no conflict. You're training to be a Jedi - something most can only dream of. And you have an uncle and friends who love you. If I were you, I wouldn't leave it for the world."</p><p>"I think I'm going to go to bed." Ben said, standing up and Amaya felt a shift in the Force that indicated that her words had had a stronger effect than she had intended on him.</p><p>Amaya clambered to her feet as well, unsure how to take back the apparent turmoil her words had caused.</p><p>"Ben, I just wanted to say-" Amaya said, struggling to form a coherent sentence, "You've been a great guide and teacher to me and I appreciate everything you've done for me."</p><p>Ben sighed, shaking his head, "I have <em>not</em> been great and we both know it. Master Luke should have placed you with Tai or Hennix or even Voe."</p><p>"I'm glad it was you." Amaya said, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious as Ben looked at her, his expression unreadable. "We should get some sleep." Amaya said, looking away.</p><p>"Agreed," Ben said, stepping out into the pouring rain. Amaya followed him, running across the rainy courtyard to the door.</p><hr/><p>Amaya looked up, her heart leaping in her in chest, as she heard a knock on the door. Placing a last pin in her hair, Amaya walked towards the door, trying to calm her beating her.</p><p>Opening the door, she let out a laugh of relief as she saw it was only Ben. "I thought you were Master Luke." She said, and Ben's eyes widened ever so slightly.</p><p>"So he hasn't said anything yet?" Ben asked and Amaya shook her head, grabbing her keys.</p><p>"Nope." Amaya said, as they walked, "I don't even know what I'm supposed to do today if he doesn't say anything. I'll have to borrow another outfit from Voe I guess." Amaya said, gesturing down to the ordinary clothes she was wearing.</p><p>"You should just ask him." Ben said as they walked, "Right after breakfast. I'll come with you if you want."</p><p>Amaya opened her mouth to respond when the subject of their conversation rounded a corner, coming into view.</p><p>"Amaya!" Luke exclaimed, "Just the person I was looking for." He said and Amaya's heart skipped a beat.</p><p>"Good morning Master Luke." Amaya said, desperately hoping her smile masked her nervousness.</p><p>"Would you mind joining me in my study for a minute?" Luke asked, "I promise it won't take long."</p><p>Amaya exchanged a look with Ben before nodding, "Of course." She said, and Luke smiled.</p><p>"Great." He said, turning to leave.</p><p>Amaya shot Ben one last nervous look and he nodded, encouragingly. Amaya bit her lip, turning away from Ben to follow Luke down the hallway to his study in silence. Unlocking the door, Luke led the way into the room, gesturing for her to take a seat on the chair in front of his desk. He closed the door with the Force, locking it for good measure.</p><p>"So." Luke said, as he sat down, "I've made a decision."</p><p>Amaya nodded, twisting the hem of her sleeve so hard she was worried it would be forever stretched.</p><p>"As you know, I don't normally take new padawans above the age of 13, and this is generous, seeing as the Jedi Order of my father's time refused to take padawans above the age of 5." Luke said, as Amaya struggled to breathe.</p><p>"However," Luke said, smiling, "I think that for you I can make an exception."</p><p>Amaya let out a laugh of surprise as she finally let out the breath she had been holding in. "You're serious? I can stay?"</p><p>Luke laughed, nodding, "You can stay." He said, "It won't be easy. We'll all have to work a little bit harder than normal to get you up to speed. However, I believe this is where you are meant to be."</p><p>Amaya stared at him, her mind whirling, unable to stop grinning. "Thank you so much, Master Luke." She said, suppressing the irrational desire to hug him in excitement. "I promise to do whatever it takes to catch up."</p><p>Luke laughed, smiling gently at her, "In all honesty, Amaya, I was planning on turning you away. But then last night I had a sort of Force vision that told me you belonged here. It showed me a snapshot of the future and the role you would play in it."</p><p>Amaya felt her insides turn to ice and she struggled to keep her face neutral. "And what role was that?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Luke shook his head, "I don't believe it's good for us to know too much about our own futures. Besides, Force visions don't always come true. The future isn't set in stone."</p><p>Amaya nodded, her mind racing. Was this Ben's doing? Had he somehow created a Force vision to convince Luke? Surely the Force didn't actually <em>want</em> her here...did it?</p><p>"Well, anyway, there's just a bit of business we have to take care of and then I'll let you get back to breakfast." Luke said, pulling out an electronic notepad.</p><p>"First name...Amaya." Luke said, entering the information into the computer. "Last name?"</p><p>"Oh um, Fall." Amaya said.</p><p>"Mother?" Luke asked.</p><p>"Elna Fall." Amaya replied, bracing herself for the question she knew was coming.</p><p>"Father?" Luke asked.</p><p>"I don't know him." Amaya replied, trying to keep her voice even.</p><p>"Contact information for your mother or other family?" Luke asked, and Amaya winced.</p><p>"She's dead." She replied, and Luke looked up, his face falling.</p><p>"Oh I'm sorry to hear that." He said and Amaya shook her head, gesturing that he continue on.</p><p>"Planet of origin...Alfazine." Luke continued, "State?"</p><p>"Ilfain." Amaya replied, "Tarsi city."</p><p>"Age...22. Gender...female. Any medical or health conditions I should know about?" Luke asked.</p><p>"None." Amaya replied, and Luke nodded.</p><p>"Wonderful." He exclaimed, "Now all we need to do is get your measurements so we can have some training outfits made for you. I'll also have some more copies of the Jedi texts printed for you and we will have to go to Ilum to find you a kyber crystal at some point. I wouldn't worry about not having a lightsaber though for now. Better to learn how to fight<em> without</em> a dangerous weapon in your hand." Luke said, and Amaya laughed.</p><p>"Well," Luke said, standing up, "I think it's time you were given a proper introduction to the rest of the padawans."</p><p>Amaya raised her eyebrows, standing to follow him out of the room. Luke stopped in the entrance to the mess hall, gesturing for Amaya to come forward, into full view of the room.</p><p>"Attention everyone!" Luke called out, prompting the padawans to look up, putting down their utensils.</p><p>"I am very pleased to announce we have a new addition to the academy. This is Amaya Fall, our newest Padawan." Luke said, his words being met by a cheer from Voe and thunderous applause from the back table at which she sat with Hennix, Tai, and Ben. The other padawans joined in the clapping and Amaya couldn't help but smile as she looked out at the room.</p><p>"Come." Luke said, leading Amaya to the back of the mess hall. Voe jumped up from her seat as Amaya approached, enveloping her in a hug. Amaya froze, not expecting it, before recovering enough to hug her back.</p><p>As such pulled out of the hug, she turned to find Hennix ready to hug her as well. Amaya hugged him too, privately wondering when had been the last time she'd hugged so many people in a row. Not since the orphanage, at least.</p><p>Tai came up next, extending a hand to shake and Amaya smiled, taking it gently. At last she came to Ben, her mind drifting back to Luke's Force vision. She examined his face, suspicious. Ben frowned, noticing her change of expression and stood still, looking unsure how to proceed. Amaya herself suddenly felt the eyes of the others on them, watching their interaction. Hug him or shake his hand? Amaya thought frantically, unsure what their relationship warranted. Unsure whether she should even be trusting the boy in front of her.</p><p>"Congratulations." Ben said at last, breaking the awkward silence and Amaya nodded, forcing a smile.</p><p>"Thanks." She said, wanting but unable to tear her eyes off his face.</p><p>"I will need to speak with all of you together after breakfast." Luke said, and Amaya felt a wave of relief wash over her as she turned to look at him. "Today will be an unusual day since we have a lot to get sorted out."</p><p>The others nodded, expressing their agreement as Luke left. Amaya sat down next to Ben, wanting to speak to him privately but unsure how she would get the opportunity.</p><p>"Are you going eat?" Voe asked, reminding Amaya of the hunger she had completely forgotten.</p><p>"We're going to have to celebrate!" Voe said as Amaya returned with her food.</p><p>"We could make a cake." Hennix suggested.</p><p>"And play Dejarik." Voe added, "We can meet in my room after meditation tonight."</p><p>Amaya smiled, "Sure." She said, "Thanks Voe."</p><p>Amaya fell silent as Hennix and Voe began talking about Dejarik, unable to comprehend anything they were saying about this game she had never heard of. Her mind kept drifting back to Luke's Force vision, something inside her telling her something was off.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Ben asked under his breath and Amaya froze. Had she really been that obvious? Or did he know exactly what she was preoccupied about because he'd been behind it?</p><p>"I'll explain later." Amaya whispered back, taking a bite of her food as she struggled to focus on the conversation between Hennix and Voe as a way to distract herself.</p><p>She could feel Tai's eyes on her, watching her strange interaction with Ben with guarded curiosity. Not good.</p><p>"Do padawans here ever get to visit home?" Amaya asked Tai, mainly to distract him but also because she had been wondering about this. Not that it mattered to her personally.</p><p>Tai nodded, "Twice a year we get 2 weeks off to visit home. Plus our parents can visit pretty much whenever if there's space in the guest rooms."</p><p>"Do you ever miss home?" Amaya asked, and Tai shrugged.</p><p>"I used to." He said, "When I first came here I was 9, Ben was 10," He said, nodding in Ben's direction, "It was hard at first but now it's just our life. This <em>is</em> home as far as I'm concerned."</p><p>"What about you?" Amaya asked Ben, and he frowned, still clearly preoccupied by her strange mood.</p><p>"What about me?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Do you miss home still?" Amaya asked and Ben shook his head.</p><p>"Not at all." He said, "I don't even usually go back on holidays. My parents are never at home anyway so there's no point. I'd be alone with C-3PO...our droid." He clarified.</p><p>Amaya looked away, feeling a flash of pain run through him as he said this. Time to change the subject.</p><p>"Do you plan on returning to Alfazine on your weeks off?" Tai asked and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"No." She said, "If I'm allowed to leave though, I'd like to travel. My trip here was my first time leaving Alfazine."</p><p>Finishing her last bite, Amaya pushed away her plate, realizing that the others had finished breakfast long ago and were waiting for her.</p><p>"Should we go see Master Luke?" Amaya asked the others.</p><p>"Absolutely!" Voe exclaimed, jumping up. The others followed, making their way to Luke's study. Luke put down a book he had been reading as they arrived, filing into the room that was much too small for 6 people.</p><p>"Wonderful, you're all here." Luke said, standing up. "This shouldn't take very long."</p><p>Luke held up a piece of paper he had written on, half reading off it as he addressed them, "Right so Voe, you will spend this morning with me. We need to completely redo the schedules for the month to incorporate Amaya. Amaya you'll have to take on some shifts with the younger padawans. It won't be anything too complicated at first though of course."</p><p>Amaya nodded, actually excited to spend time with the younger padawans. Being around children reminded her of those she had known at the orphanage.</p><p>"You four will also have to take turns training Amaya." Luke continued, "And Amaya, you will have to complete extra training sessions in the evening to increase your strength and conditioning. For today, however, Ben, you will take Amaya into Tag'lik to get her proper attire and copies of the Jedi texts. I also have a shopping list for you while you're there." Luke added, handing Ben a piece of paper, which he took wordlessly.</p><p>"Tai and Hennix, you will take over Ben's, Voe's, and my shifts with the level 1 and 2 padawans. I'll send some of the level 2s to help you with lunch since Voe and Ben will be gone." Luke finished, rummaging around in his desk. At last he emerged with a cloth bag of coins, which he handed to Ben.</p><p>"This should be enough. If it's not, prioritize Amaya's things. I'll get the rest later." Luke said to his nephew before turning his attention back to the rest.</p><p>"Is that it?" Ben asked, "Can we leave?"</p><p>Amaya noticed a shadow pass over Luke's face at Ben's clipped tone and she almost thought he was going to sigh before he nodded. "Yes, you can go."</p><p>"Great." Ben said, glancing over at Amaya, who raised her eyebrows, nodding. Amaya followed Ben out of the overcrowded room and into the hallway, struggling to keep up with his fast pace.</p><p>"Where are we going?" Amaya asked, "What's Tag'lik?"</p><p>"It's a city not far from the island." Ben replied, "We'll take one of the smaller jets. It's a short trip."</p><p>Amaya couldn't help the way excitement bubbled up inside her at the thought of visiting a new city. She'd never seen one on a planet other than Alfazine, and even on Alfazine, she'd only seen a couple.</p><p>"What was that thing you said you'd explain later?" Ben asked as they walked and Amaya felt her excitement sour.</p><p>She glanced around them as they entered the courtyard, not seeing anyone else within earshot. The sun was shining at last, a welcome relief after days of rain.</p><p>"Luke had a Force vision." Amaya said quietly, almost in a whisper. "That's why he let me in."</p><p>Ben turned to her, his eyes widening in surprise. "What kind of vision?" He asked.</p><p>Amaya examined him out of the corner of her eye, probing the Force to sense his emotions. A feeling of victory or elatedness radiated off him and Amaya immediately felt her suspicions double.</p><p>"He didn't say." Amaya said, fighting to keep her voice even. "This wasn't...your doing was it?"</p><p>Instantly, Ben's feelings shifted, becoming darker, "No, of course not. What are you even saying?"</p><p>"You didn't make him have a Force vision or something?" Amaya asked, raising an eyebrow as she examined him. "Plant some sort of idea in his mind?"</p><p>Ben stopped walking, turning to stare at her, "No. Amaya, I don't know how to do that. I don't even know if it's <em>possible</em>."</p><p>Amaya crossed her arms, "Really." She said coldly, "Because yesterday you suggested-"</p><p>"I suggested<em> lying</em> to him. <em>That</em> I can do." Ben snapped.</p><p>Amaya stared at him, unsure whether or not to believe him. "Do you<em> swear</em> you had nothing to do with this?" She asked.</p><p>"Look, Amaya, is it really that hard to believe that maybe the Force actually wants you here?" Ben asked sharply. "That maybe you actually<em> do</em> belong here?"</p><p>Amaya examined his face, unable to detect any sort of insincerity. She probed his emotions but they were too mixed and jumbled to be of any use.</p><p>"Something just feels...off." Amaya said, shaking her head. "It's too convenient. Too good to be true."</p><p>"Well it is true." Ben said. "You belong here." He said, the certainty in his voice almost making Amaya shiver.</p><p>Amaya shook her head, sighing. "Okay." She said, "Forget I said anything. Let's just go."</p><hr/><p>Ben fell into pace beside her, and together they walked in silence, a heaviness in the air between them. Ben gritted his teeth, suddenly wondering whether he'd made the wrong call.</p><p><em>She suspects. </em>Ben thought, directing the message towards the one he knew would answer him.</p><p><em>She's intelligent. </em>Came the reply.</p><p><em>Couldn't you have stopped Master Luke from telling her that somehow?</em> Ben complained and Snoke laughed, making Ben's blood boil.</p><p><em>My dear boy, you overestimate the power I have over your Jedi master. I can only persuade, not control. </em>Snoke replied, amused.</p><p>Ben clenched his fists, glancing sideways at Amaya. Her expression was closed off, as if she were deep in thought, her attention focused on the ground in front of her. Ben felt a wave of guilt wash over him, making him look away.</p><p>At last they arrived at a small metal building. Ben walked up to an access panel on the wall, punching in a series of numbers until a large door opened, revealing a fleet of small planes inside. Amaya followed Ben inside, taking a seat in the passenger seat while Ben took the driver's seat.</p><p>They exchanged only a few clipped words before Ben started the plane, taking off over the sparkling blue sea. Ben looked over at Amaya, noticing the way her hands gripped her seat, as if she was scared. She clearly wasn't used to flying much.</p><p>"Ben, I'm sorry." Amaya said suddenly, "For accusing you of something I had no proof you'd actually done. Maybe you're right. Maybe I just can't fathom why the Force would actually want <em>me</em> here enough to intervene. And if it really does want me here, if I'm really supposed to play some sort of role here...well that terrifies me. How will I know if I've done what I was supposed to do? What if I fail?"</p><p>Ben felt his stomach churn painfully with guilt as he listened to the distress and confusion in her voice. Perhaps he shouldn't have asked Snoke to plant a dream in Luke's mind. Perhaps he should have let her be sent away...Well it was too late for that now. What was done was done.</p><p>"Force dreams are unreliable at best." Ben said, "I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, if you really are meant to play a specific role, it will happen whether you intend it to or not. I don't think this is something you could control even if you understood it."</p><p>Amaya fell silent, looking out the window at the water below. Ben began the descent as the city high-rises came into view, tall, grey, and imposing.</p><p>"Amaya," Ben said, the guilt eating him up inside, "You should be happy. You got in. Isn't this what you wanted?"</p><p>Amaya turned to look at him, sighing, "You're right. I should be happy." She said, "How was it for you? When you first came to the Temple?"</p><p>Ben thought back to the betrayal he'd felt when his mother had shipped him off to Luke. He'd known, even then, why she'd done it. She was afraid of what he was. She'd never actually come right out and said it, but he'd felt it. His mother had foolishly thought that if she sent her son off to live with the literal saviour of the galaxy, Luke might somehow be able to fix him.</p><p>"It was an adjustment." Ben said, evasively, "But I was a child. It'll be completely different for you."</p><p>Amaya nodded, leaning her head back as Ben landed the plane on a landing pad near the city library. Amaya's face lit up slightly as she looked out the window, taking in the towering glass buildings around them.</p><p>"I've actually never been to a library." Amaya said, as she climbed out of the plane onto the tarmac below. "They had two giant ones in Tarsi but you could only go in if you had a membership and I could never afford one."</p><p>Ben looked over at her, trying to wrap his head around the life she had led up until this point. He couldn't fathom never once having had enough money to purchase something as simple as a library membership. He certainly could not comprehend what it would have been like to spend his entire life on one planet - and most of that on one island - with no one but his mother for company.</p><p>"What did you do all day when you lived on the island?" Ben asked as they walked, "Was it...boring?"</p><p>Amaya laughed, "No, not really. It was all I'd ever known. I kind of tried to run away once though, when I was about 16." She said, her eyes flashing with amusement, "We had this fishing boat and I figured that if I sailed for 20 days I'd reach mainland so I stole a bunch of food from the kitchen, a compass, a bottle of water, and left. I was only gone for 2 days before I hit a storm, nearly drowned, and then decided I'd had enough of that stupid idea and headed back."</p><p>"Why did your mother want to live on that island anyway?" Ben asked, as they entered the library.</p><p>Amaya looked around herself, her eyes widening at the sight of all the books, before realizing Ben had asked her a question and looking back at him. "Because the world is a terrible place." Amaya said, shrugging as she continued to gaze at all the books around her. "My mother didn't want to have to deal with it."</p><p>Ben examined her face, almost certain this was not the whole story. Many people disliked the way the world was...very few became hermits.</p><p><em>Your intuition is correct. She is hiding things from you. </em>Snoke's voice purred and Ben gritted his teeth, wishing he would go away.</p><p>"What specifically about the world did she hate so much?" Ben asked, as they began their way up a winding staircase.</p><p>Amaya shrugged, averting her eyes, "The wealth inequality on our planet is severe. The government's corrupt, the crime rate is high, the cities are polluted, and every few years there's another war to add to everyone's misery. What's not to hate?"</p><p><em>Lies. </em>Snoke hissed and Ben clenched his fists, trying his best to shut himself off from the Force.</p><p>His sudden change in mood was not lost on Amaya, however, who looked at him curiously, a hint of concern in her face. Thankfully for Ben, they'd reached the floor they'd been looking for and Ben led the way over to a computer screen.</p><p>"We have virtual copies of the original Jedi texts stored in this library." Ben explained as he tapped on the screen, inputting the proper access codes. "All we have to do is print them and the staff will bind them for you."</p><p>Amaya nodded, watching what Ben was doing with curiosity. After a moment a machine whirred to life next to the computer, printing pages of text. Amaya walked over to them, examining them with a kind of fascination. Ben watched her, remembering how he had felt the same for so long. For years he'd read and reread the Jedi texts, studying them with more fervour than any of the other padawans. He'd spent hours and hours talking to Master Luke about the Jedi philosophy and stayed up late drawing and writing his own notes and theories.</p><p><em>How naive you were back</em> <em>then. </em>Snoke's voice said, souring his memories.</p><p><em>Blind, one-sided, ignorant.</em> Snoke continued, <em>A stupid little boy trying to be like his perfect uncle and his perfect mother-</em></p><p>"I've been thinking about this whole Light side, Dark side, thing." Amaya said, cutting off the connection to Snoke mid-sentence. Ben blinked, pulling himself back to the physical reality around him. "If it's as you say, and Jedi must strive to shut out the Dark side altogether, even if doing so is so difficult it's near impossible...then wouldn't it make more sense to just accept that all Jedi are going to have a little darkness in them?"</p><p>"That would be tolerating evil." Ben said, shaking his head, "We can't condone it even if it will always exist."</p><p>"You don't have to condone it." Amaya said, frowning, "Just accept it's presence."</p><p>"That would be dangerous." Ben said, shaking his head, "The moment you accept the Dark side is the moment-"</p><p>"I know, I know." Amaya cut him off, rolling her eyes. "It's the moment you risk succumbing to it altogether. Don't you think that's a little melodramatic?"</p><p>Ben frowned, "Melodramatic?"</p><p>"I mean, none of you at the Jedi academy have succeeded at shutting out the Dark side altogether." Amaya said, "And yet none of you have succumbed to it entirely."</p><p>Ben felt a sudden flash of fear, and narrowed his eyes at her, suspicious. "What do you mean none of us have succeeded at shutting out the Dark side?"</p><p>"Well Voe is jealous of you. That's definitely not a Jedi trait. You <em>used</em> the Dark side yesterday when we were practicing. Even Master Luke was upset about something the first night I arrived. He almost seemed angry but I couldn't quite tell." Amaya said, looking down at the pages of Jedi text that continued to pile up beside the printer.</p><p>"When was Master Luke was angry?" Ben asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.</p><p>"I don't know if he was angry, but he was upset about something after he came back from checking up on Lila." Amaya said.</p><p>Ben felt a wave of anger wash over him as he realized what she was referring to and Amaya looked up at him, noticing his change in mood.</p><p>"Do you know why he was upset?" Amaya asked, her eyes betraying the curiosity he knew she felt.</p><p>Ben sighed, slightly irritated by her inquisitiveness, "He was angry with me." Ben said, and Amaya frowned.</p><p>"Why?" She asked.</p><p>Ben hesitated, tempted to tell her it was none of her business. "I put Lila to sleep, using the Force, because she wouldn't stop crying. She felt like she couldn't breathe, the medication wasn't working, and I didn't know what else to do. Master Luke came back and told me I shouldn't have put her to sleep - that she should learn to deal with fear and pain. I disagreed. I said she was only five, that she'd have plenty of time to learn how to face her fears later. Master Luke accused me of having only put her to sleep because I didn't want to deal with her, which wasn't true. Yes, I didn't want to hear her crying but it wasn't because it <em>annoyed</em> me."</p><p>Ben paused, trying to smother the anger the memory evoked. "Master Luke assumed I did it for selfish reasons. I didn't." He snapped.</p><p>Amaya frowned, "Why would he assume that?"</p><p>"Because he thinks I'm a selfish person." Ben said, the words painful to his own ears.</p><p>The printer beeped, signaling the end of the printer job and Amaya jumped, turning around to pick up the papers. Ben moved to help her, taking half in his own arms.</p><p>"You're not a selfish person." Amaya said, suddenly making Ben incredibly uncomfortable.</p><p>"We need to go bind these." Ben said, turning away from her and leading the way back towards the stairs.</p><p><em>You can't even look at her. </em>Snoke purred in his ear. <em>Y</em><em>ou know Master Luke is right about you. The girl will come to realize this too...in time.</em></p><p><em>Shut up, Snoke. </em>Ben thought back, subconsciously increasing his speed, as if it were possible to run away from the voice in his head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Voice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>It was well past lunch by the time they got back to the Temple. Voe met them at the door, excitedly handing them the newly printed schedules she had made, and explaining them far too quickly to follow. Amaya exchanged a look of amusement with Ben that was, thankfully, lost on Voe, before accepting her new schedule and suggesting they all go inside for lunch.</p><p>"Oh we've already eaten. Hennix and Tai saved you guys some food though. I think it's still in the kitchen." Voe said. "There's no rush though since, as you can see on your schedules, both of you are free until evening mediation today. Oh but Ben, Master Luke told me to tell you to show her where the laundry droids are. He also wants you to show her around the rest of the island since this is probably the only sunny day we'll get all week."</p><p>Amaya glanced sideways at Ben, watching him nod wordlessly. She felt a pang of guilt, knowing he probably had things he'd rather do instead of show her around.</p><p>"Well I have to go. We're having a study period with Master Luke which you two are luckily exempt from for today." Voe said, waving goodbye before taking off down the hallway.</p><p>"Well she's happy." Amaya said, half laughing in amusement.</p><p>"She's happy you're here." Ben said, "You're like a shiny new toy to her."</p><p>Amaya burst out laughing at this, and Ben's lips twitched, the hint of a smile on his face. It was the happiest he'd looked all day, Amaya thought, the realization dampening her good mood.</p><p>"Are you hungry?" Amaya asked, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.</p><p>Ben nodded, following her down the hallway in silence. Amaya pushed open the door to the kitchen, the overwhelming smell of fried food hitting her as she did so.</p><p>"Corellian fare." Ben said, another half-smile forming on his face.</p><p>Amaya looked at him, confused. "What?"</p><p>"The food is Corellian." Ben said, "It's from my dad's planet."</p><p>"How can you tell?" Amaya asked, discovering the two plates Hennix and Tai had left for them on the table, and handing one to Ben.</p><p>"No other planet makes their food this greasy." Ben said, accepting the plate and taking a seat across from Amaya at the table.</p><p>"What's Corellia like?" Amaya asked, as she ate.</p><p>"From what you've told me, it seems to be a lot like Alfazine." Ben said, "A complete shithole."</p><p>Amaya laughed, "All the best planets are."</p><p>"What's your dad like?" Amaya asked after a moment.</p><p>Ben shrugged, "He's an ex-smuggler pilot who likes to gamble. He can't stay in one place for longer than a few months. He's always flying all over the galaxy with Chewie - his Wookie friend. If you hadn't grown up on...well a deserted island...you might have heard of him."</p><p>Amaya laughed, "He sounds like an interesting person."</p><p>"What's your dad like?" Ben asked and Amaya froze, the smile melting off her face. She had known it was only a matter of time before this question came up and she hadn't yet decided whether to tell anyone the truth or not.</p><p>"I've never actually met him." Amaya said evasively. It wasn't technically a lie.</p><p>"Why not?" Ben asked, a glint of curiosity in his eyes that made Amaya squirm. She hesitated, glancing around the empty room. Something within her desperately wanted to tell him but a larger part of her warned against it.</p><p>
  <em>You don't trust him.</em>
</p><p>Amaya froze, her heart stopping for a moment. That voice had been in her head...and it was <em>not</em> her own.</p><p>"Amaya?" Ben asked, looking confused by the sudden look of terror spreading across her face. "What's wrong?"</p><p><em>Who are you? </em>Amaya asked the voice.</p><p>No reply came and Amaya her the hairs on the back of her neck raise. Had she imagined it? Was she losing her mind?</p><p>"Amaya?" Ben asked once more, his confusion turning to concern.</p><p>"Sorry..." Amaya muttered, shaking her head, "Sorry I just- never mind." She said, standing up and picking up her half eaten plate. "If you don't mind I'd like to go back to my room for a bit to take a nap before dinner."</p><p>"Is it something I said?" Ben asked and Amaya immediately turned back to face him, shaking her head.</p><p>"No." She said emphatically, "No. I'm just tired."</p><p>Ben made no reply and Amaya turned, nearly running out of the room before he had the chance to ask any more questions. She felt her heart beat quickly as she ran up the stairs, entering her room and locking the door behind her. Alone at last, Amaya sat down on her bed, closing her eyes.</p><p><em>Who are you? </em>Amaya asked once more, only to be met by silence. Reaching out with the Force, Amaya inhaled sharply as she felt a presence. It wasn't a physical presence...it was more like a feeling, like a thought...and it was <em>cold</em>.</p><p><em>Answer me. </em>Amaya thought. <em>I know you're there. I can feel you.</em></p><p>An eerie laugh sounded in her mind and Amaya's eyes flew open, irrationally searching for the source of the sound even though she knew it was coming from inside her own mind.</p><p><em>You show so much promise. </em>The voice said, sending chills down Amaya's spine. <em>So much power in you.</em></p><p><em>Answer my question.</em> Amaya snapped. <em>Tell me who you are.</em></p><p>The voice laughed. <em>My name would mean nothing to you.</em></p><p><em>What do you want?</em> Amaya asked, trying to control the fear she felt building inside her. Whoever this voice belonged to was dangerous...she could feel it. His voice itself carried with it a kind of darkness that made her want to shiver.</p><p><em>The real question is what do you want, Amaya? </em>The voice asked and Amaya clenched her fists.</p><p><em>How do you know my name?</em> She asked.</p><p><em>My dear girl, I have been watching you ever since you came to this island. You have proven most intriguing. </em>The voice said.</p><p><em>Why have you been watching me? </em>Amaya asked.</p><p><em>We'll talk again soon.</em> The voice said and Amaya shook her head frantically.</p><p><em>No wait- </em>Amaya protested before feeling the cold presence evaporate, leaving her alone.</p><p>Amaya bent over, putting her head in her hands as she struggled to breathe. She sat back up after a moment, wondering what to do. Should she tell Luke? Ben? Should she wait for whoever had spoken to her to contact her again?</p><p>Amaya looked to her left, eyeing the pile of Jedi texts they had printed and bound for her. She quickly pulled the bag towards her, pulling out the texts. Surely one of them might have some information on telepathic Force connections. She began scanning the books, flipping through the pages anxiously, reading bits and pieces of information before moving on to the next book. Some books were pure philosophy, others included information about the Force, history of the Jedi, and Force powers...but none seemed to have any information on Force connections.</p><p>Amaya didn't notice the hours pass by as she searched the texts, learning a lot about everything except what she was looking for. Before she knew it, the sunlight pouring into her room dimmed as evening approached, and Amaya heard a knock on her door.</p><p>Shoving all of the texts back in her bag, Amaya jumped off her bed, opening the door.</p><p>"Are you coming to dinner?" Ben asked, standing in the doorway.</p><p>Amaya felt a pang of guilt as she looked at him, remembering how she'd practically ran out on him. "Oh right, yea I am." Amaya said, "And...I'm sorry about earlier. It had nothing to do with you, I promise."</p><p>Ben shook his head, "I shouldn't have asked you personal questions like that-"</p><p>"No, it wasn't that." Amaya said quickly, "Really. I had a- a..."</p><p>"A what?" Ben asked, frowning.</p><p>Amaya looked around, checking to make sure no one was in the hallway, before returning her gaze to Ben. "Can you come in for a moment?" Amaya asked, her voice almost a whisper.</p><p>Ben blinked, clearly not having expected this. "Sure. What's this about?"</p><p>"I just- I had an experience." Amaya said, quickly closing the door behind him before turning to face him. "Someone tried to contact me...well they <em>did</em> contact me...through the Force."</p><p>Ben's face paled at her words, his eyes widening, "What? Who contacted you?"</p><p>"I don't know." Amaya said, shaking her head, "He was definitely male. He wouldn't give his name."</p><p>"What did he say?" Ben asked, the fear in his voice putting Amaya on edge.</p><p>"He said he'd been watching me since I came to this island." Amaya said, the memory of his words chilling her to her core, "That I showed promise and I was powerful."</p><p>Ben seemed to stop breathing as she said this and Amaya frowned, "Do you have any idea who he was?"</p><p>Ben shook his head slowly, "No. No idea."</p><p>"He said he would contact me again soon." Amaya said, pacing now, "Should I just wait for him to contact me? Or should I tell Master Luke-"</p><p>"Don't tell Master Luke." Ben said quickly and Amaya froze, suddenly suspicious.</p><p>"Why not?" She asked, and Ben shook his head, meeting her gaze.</p><p>"Because he might kick you out of the Temple." Ben said seriously, his eyes locked on hers, "We don't know who this person was...we don't know what he wants...it's too risky. If you tell Master Luke and this person turns out to be an enemy of the Jedi Order...Master Luke will consider you a security threat and banish you."</p><p>Amaya felt a chill run down her spine at his words and she looked away, her mind running a mile a minute. She didn't trust him. The voice in her head had been correct. She did not trust Ben Solo. Not because she had any proof he was untrustworthy...but because of a...feeling...an intuition she couldn't quite explain. But if she distrusted him so much...why had she told him, and no one else, about the voice? Why was she seeking his advice?</p><p>Amaya looked back at Ben. His dark eyes met her own, a look almost akin to pleading in them. He was afraid. And he was hiding something.</p><p>"I won't tell Master Luke." Amaya said, watching as Ben's face relaxed ever so slightly. "I'm just going to wait for him to contact me again. See if I get some answers."</p><p>"Good idea." Ben said, "Tell me what happens. I might be able to help once I have more information."</p><p>Unlikely, Amaya thought privately. "Okay." She said, nodding towards the door. "Dinner?"</p><p>Ben nodded, joining her as she stepped out into the hallway. "Dinner."</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Snoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Snoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Talk to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Snoke.</em>
</p><p>Ben called out through the Force, becoming more and more agitated the longer the silence stretched on. He had been trying to contact Snoke ever since Amaya had told him about the strange voice in her head, but he had received no reply. This was intentional, of course. Snoke was playing with him, trying to get him worked up. He was torturing him.</p><p>Amaya, Voe, Tai, and Hennix sat in front of him in a circle, all playing Dejarik. Evening mediation had ended half an hour ago and Voe had invited them all to her room to celebrate Amaya's acceptance into the academy. He was supposed to be on Tai's team but he hadn't been of much help all game. Not that Tai needed any help. He was single-handedly beating Amaya, Voe and Tai as it was. Ben looked away from the game, trying to calm himself down.</p><p><em>Yes Ben?</em> Snoke said suddenly, a smugness to his voice that made Ben's blood boil.</p><p><em>Grown tired of your little game, have you?</em> Ben snarled, trying to stop himself from displaying the anger he felt.</p><p><em>Game? </em>Snoke asked, feigning offense. <em>My boy, I was busy. Believe it or not, sometimes I have things to do which are more important than talking to you.</em></p><p><em>Like talking to Amaya? </em>Ben snarled.</p><p>Snoke fell silent and Ben unconsciously clenched his fists. Voe screamed as one of her pieces was destroyed and Ben looked up sharply, suddenly feeling an uncontrollable urge to slap her.</p><p><em>Careful. </em>Snoke's voice said.<em> Your thoughts betray you...Jedi apprentice. </em>Snoke sneered.</p><p><em>Why are you talking to Amaya? </em>Ben asked sharply, trying desperately to keep his anger in check.</p><p><em>What makes you think I want anything with her. </em>Snoke sneered. <em>I merely wanted to welcome her.</em></p><p><em>Enough. </em>Ben snarled. <em>Explain yourself.</em></p><p><em>She's powerful. </em>Snoke said simply. <em>Maybe even more powerful than you.</em></p><p><em>She won't turn to the Dark side. </em>Ben said. <em>She's stronger than that.</em></p><p><em>Oh I am well aware she is stronger than you.</em> Snoke said, his words having the desired effect on Ben despite his best efforts. <em>She's strong-willed and powerful but she does not fear the Dark side. She embraces it.</em></p><p><em>She doesn't. </em>Ben snapped. <em>She accept its...but she won't give up the Light.</em></p><p><em>She has much to learn. </em>Snoke purred, and Ben felt a chill run down his spine.</p><p><em>She's not who you think she is. </em>Ben said, watching Amaya as she stared at the Dejarik board, her face deep in concentration.</p><p><em>You have not been inside her mind as I have. </em>Snoke said. <em>She craves revenge and power over those who have made her suffer. She has come to this Temple to learn how to kill.</em></p><p><em>To liberate her planet from tyranny. </em>Ben snapped back. <em>To help others.</em></p><p><em>Killing for a cause is still murder.</em> Snoke said, and Ben fell silent, unable to respond.</p><p><em>Oh and you should know. </em>Snoke added. <em>She still distrusts you.</em></p><p>Ben felt his inside go cold as he felt Snoke disappear, his words echoing in his mind.</p><hr/><p>Amaya woke up early the next morning to read the assigned passages for the day's study session. Finishing the last page, Amaya put down the book, leaning her head back against the bed board. It was almost time for breakfast but at the moment she just wanted to go back to sleep.</p><p>
  <em>Hello Amaya.</em>
</p><p>Amaya's eyes flew open and she sat up, her heart beating out of her chest. The voice had been silent since the day before. It had been just long enough for her to relax slightly...to almost forget.</p><p><em>Good morning. </em>Amaya thought back.</p><p><em>It's not morning where I am. </em>The voice replied.</p><p><em>Where are you? </em>Amaya asked immediately and the voice laughed.</p><p><em>So curious. </em>The voice said, mockingly and Amaya inhaled slowly, trying to stay patient.</p><p><em>You're not going to tell me anything about you, are you. </em>Amaya said, letting out a sigh.</p><p><em>If I were you I'd ask that friend of yours. He knows more than he is letting on.</em> The voice said and Amaya froze, Ben's face swimming to the front of her mind.</p><p><em>So you've been watching him too.</em> Amaya surmised.</p><p><em>Interesting choice you made, not telling your Jedi Master about me. </em>The voice said, and Amaya felt a chill run down her spine.</p><p><em>I haven't told him yet.</em> Amaya said, somewhat defensively. <em>That doesn't mean I won't tell him eventually.</em></p><p><em>Instead you told Ben Solo. </em>The voice continued. <em>Very interesting choice.</em></p><p><em>I know him best. </em>Amaya replied and the voice laughed.</p><p><em>No you don't. </em>The voice said. <em>If you knew him, you would not confide in him.</em></p><p><em>Why not?</em> Amaya asked.</p><p><em>My dear, you are intelligent. You already have reason to suspect him. Trust your instinct. </em>The voice replied smoothly.</p><p><em>Did he do something to make Luke accept me? </em>Amaya asked.</p><p><em>What does your intuition tell you? </em>The voice replied and Amaya felt a chill run down her spine.</p><p>It was true then. Ben had done something. The only question was what and, more importantly,<em> why</em>.</p><p>The cold presence that came with the voice disappeared suddenly as quickly as it had come and Amaya shook her head to clear it. The voice had confirmed her suspicions...but could she really trust the voice? She didn't know the man behind it and she certainly did not trust his motivations. Most of their conversations so far had centered around Ben - whoever the voice belonged to clearly wanted her to distrust him. But why? Amaya found it hard to believe the voice would warn her against Ben for her own good. No, the voice clearly had ulterior motives for wanting to come in between her and Ben.</p><p>A knock on the door made Amaya jump, so consumed had she been in her thoughts. Glancing at the time, Amaya jumped off the bed and opened the door to find none other than the subject of her prior thoughts.</p><p>"Just so you know," Amaya said, "I do know where the mess hall is now. You don't need to walk me to breakfast every day."</p><p>Amaya felt her stomach plummet as she watched Ben's eyes widen and his face pale, before hardening.</p><p>"Well in that case-" Ben began.</p><p>"No, that was a joke!" Amaya said quickly, grabbing his arm as he turned to leave. He looked at her, clearly not believing her and Amaya sighed.</p><p>"Please come in, I have news." Amaya said.</p><p>"News...as in-" Ben asked.</p><p>"Yes." Amaya said, ushering him into her room and closing the door behind him. "The voice spoke to me again."</p><p>"What did he say?" Ben asked immediately, his whole body tense.</p><p>Amaya bit her lip, wishing she had had more time to think this over first. "He...he wanted me to distrust you." She said, watching as a spark of anger ignited in Ben's eyes. "I think he wants to turn me against you."</p><p>"Distrust me why?" Ben asked sharply.</p><p>"He said you knew more about him than you were letting on." Amaya said, her eyes trained on his face in an attempt to decipher his thoughts and feelings, "He also insinuated you did something to get me admitted to the academy and he said that if I really knew you I wouldn't tell you anything."</p><p>Amaya watched as Ben struggled to contain the rage her words had clearly evoked in him. Reaching out through the Force, she found him, sensing an undercurrent of terror underneath the rage. What was he so afraid of?</p><p>"He's lying to you." Ben said, with remarkable calm considering the storm raging inside him. "He's trying to turn you against me. Just like you said. <em>He</em> is the one who can't be trusted."</p><p>"I know." Amaya said, "I don't trust him. There's something about his presence...it's almost like it's <em>cold</em>. Only not a physical cold, it's more like a..."</p><p>"That's the Dark side, Amaya." Ben said, "That's what it feels like."</p><p>Amaya's eyes widened, "But my mother definitely used the Dark side on occasion - not knowing it was the Dark side, I think - and I never felt anything like that from her."</p><p>"That's because she didn't shut out the Light." Ben said, "The Light in her tempered the Dark so she wouldn't have felt cold."</p><p>Amaya shook her head, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.</p><p>"Maybe I should tell Master Luke." Amaya mused out loud, half to see what kind of reaction it would elicit from Ben, and half because she was seriously considering it.</p><p>"No." Ben said immediately, "He will think you're a liability and kick you out."</p><p>"So then what?" Amaya said, throwing up her hands, "I just let him invade my mind whenever he pleases?"</p><p>Ben stared hard at the ground, thinking. "There are ways," He said after a moment, "To shut him out."</p><p>"How?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"It's difficult. It takes a lot of practice." Ben said, "You might not master it for a while."</p><p>"Can you teach me?" Amaya asked and Ben nodded.</p><p>"I can try." He said.</p><p>"Have you had to use this skill before in real life?" Amaya asked, and Ben shook his head.</p><p>"No." He said, and Amaya examined him closely, almost certain he was lying.</p><p>"Okay can we start tonight?" Amaya asked, and Ben nodded.</p><p>Silence fell between them for a moment before Ben looked over at her, "You believe him, though." Ben said, accusatorily. "Don't you."</p><p>"What?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"You believe everything he said about me. All the <em>lies</em>-"</p><p>"I don't know what to believe." Amaya said, truthfully.</p><p>"Believe<em> me</em>." Ben snarled.</p><p>"Okay." Amaya said, the lie tasting sour on her tongue. She couldn't trust him, no matter how much she wanted to. The expression on Ben's face told her he knew this and Amaya sighed, looking away.</p><hr/><p>The rest of the day passed without incident and Amaya found herself almost forgetting about the voice as she struggled to keep up with the rigour of her new training program. She spent her first hour and a half of training with Tai while he attempted to teach her how to use a stick the way she would a lightsaber. She spent the next with Hennix, teaching the level 1s how to lift rocks and felt almost guilty when she realized she much prepared teaching levitation than learning how to fight. Shouldn't it be the opposite? She was here, after all, to learn how to fight, not how to teach.</p><p>Despite it all, Amaya found herself drawn to the children. There was something so carefree, so peaceful, about them, even when they were upset. Amaya couldn't help but feel happier herself around them...like her problems were less significant than she'd thought. The longer she spent with them, the more the part of her she'd thought had died with her friends in the orphanage returned. It was that protective, almost motherly, part of her that had driven her to care for the younger orphans in the first place.</p><p>"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" Amaya cried, as a young boy named Rif finally succeeded in rolling over a stone. He'd been struggling with the simple exercise all lesson, becoming increasingly frustrated while the others had moved on to harder goals. Noticing his distress, Amaya had taken him over to the side of the room and spent the past 10 minutes coaching him privately, and it had finally paid off.</p><p>"Alright, time for lunch!" Hennix cried and the children's eyes all lit up before they all ran for the door. "Ah, ah, ah!" Hennix said, and the children all stopped running, fidgeting as they stared at him.</p><p>"No running down the stairs." Hennix said seriously. "Remember, Jedi don't run."</p><p>"Yes they do!" Teka protested and Hennix cracked a smile.</p><p>"Really? I thought it was in the Jedi code. No running." Hennix said, feigning confusion.</p><p>"No it's not!" Teka protested, "Maybe you need to read it again." She said, dead serious, and Hennix laughed.</p><p>"You're probably right." Hennix said, "Alright, off to lunch." He said, ushering them all out the door.</p><p>Amaya watched them go, a grin plastered across her face as Hennix began to put away the rocks they had used for the exercises. Amaya jumped, looking up as a very wet Voe slammed open the door, marching into the room. "I'm eating lunch in the garden. I don't care if it's raining. You're free to join." She said angrily before spinning on her heel and leaving.</p><p>Amaya exchanged a look with Hennix, utterly confused. "What was that?"</p><p>Before Hennix could open his mouth to respond, Tai entered the room, also drenched from the rain, "You two are sane right?" He asked and Amaya and Hennix exchanged another look.</p><p>"How low are your standards?" Hennix asked, seriously, and Tai laughed, shaking his head.</p><p>"At the moment, I'd settle for anyone who's capable of keeping their voice at a level that doesn't hurt my ears." Tai said, running both hands over his face.</p><p>"What happened?" Amaya asked, and this time, Tai and Hennix exchanged a look.</p><p>"You know how sometimes if you combine the right kinds of substances, you can create an explosion?" Hennix asked.</p><p>Amaya raised an eyebrow, on the verge of laughing. "Yes?" She replied.</p><p>"Well that's what happens when you combine Voe, Ben, and Master Luke." Hennix said and Amaya opened her mouth and closed it again, wanting to laugh but also not certain it was appropriate.</p><p>"Poor Tai." Hennix said, looking at his friend sympathetically, "Always caught in the crossfire."</p><p>Tai shook his head defeatedly, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply, before opening them again. "I'm going to go hide in my room until I'm forced to come out again." Tai said.</p><p>"Where's Ben?" Amaya asked, and Tai shook his head.</p><p>"Hiding somewhere." He replied, "Probably in his room."</p><p>"Should we...go talk to him?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"See this is why I asked how low your standards were." Hennix said to Tai, who laughed.</p><p>Amaya frowned, utterly confused.</p><p>"Just leave Ben alone until he calms down." Tai said with a sigh, "He's impossible to talk to when he gets like this."</p><p>"What...specifically...happened?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"We can go join Voe in the rain." Hennix said, "Don't you worry, she will tell you everything in minute detail. You'll be wishing you never asked that question."</p><p>"Are you sure we shouldn't also be hiding in our rooms?" Amaya asked, and Hennix and Tai laughed.</p><p>"I'll see you in the library after lunch." Tai said, waving goodbye as he started down the stairs.</p><p>Amaya and Hennix exchanged a look before following him, climbing all the way down to the main level. They got their food from the mess hall before leaving again to find Voe. Opening the door to the courtyard, they spotted her sitting underneath the same awning Amaya had found Ben under two nights before.</p><p>Voe looked up, her eyes lighting up as she saw them. Amaya and Hennix ran across the courtyard, shielding their plates of food from the rain, until they reached the other side where it was dry.</p><p>"Ben is driving me crazy." Voe said, as soon as they sat down. "You know what he said today?"</p><p>Amaya opened her mouth to ask what when Voe plowed on, launching into the rant she had undoubtedly prepared prior to their arrival. "Okay, so we were running the course again, right? Master Luke was timing us and Ben, of course, kept getting the best time. Master Luke wasn't happy though...you know how he is." Voe said, glancing over at Hennix. "He didn't care how fast Ben was doing it, he wanted him to use more precision. He kept saying how he was unfocused and chaotic and I could tell Ben was getting super frustrated. So I went over and told him he was doing a great job because I'm an idiot and forgot he was <em>Ben.</em> And do you know what his response was? "Just because I'm doing better than you doesn't mean I'm doing a great job." Can you believe that? I mean, yes you probably can, because it's <em>Ben</em>, but still. I don't know why it's only me he says these kinds of things to me, though. I mean, he's usually nice to you and Tai. He just<em> hates</em> me."</p><p>Voe paused to inhale before continuing, "Anyway so I responded that he didn't have a right to take his anger out on me just because he couldn't please Master Luke. Then he said, and I quote, "at least Master Luke notices me", at which point, I started yelling stuff at him, and he started yelling back at me. And then we picked up our lightsabers and started dueling until Master Luke found us and started yelling at us. And, of course, Master Luke blamed everything on Ben, which to be fair, he <em>did</em> start it, but this just made Ben even more angry. So he started yelling all of these horrible things at Master Luke claiming he was holding him back to spite him because he hated him and, well, you get the picture. And then Master Luke started yelling back things like how it was hard to believe Ben was Leia's son when he was so irrational and that if Ben ever wanted to be a Jedi he'd have to grow up and it just escalated until Ben stormed off."</p><p>Voe took a deep breath, finally seeming to have finished. Amaya looked back down at her food, realizing she had completely forgotten about it while listening to Voe. She took a bite, more to avoid having to say anything than because she had any appetite left.</p><p>"He'll come around." Hennix said, sighing, "He'll apologize to you tomorrow and then you can go back to tolerating each other."</p><p>Voe shook her head, "I hate him." She admitted, "I know I'm not supposed to but I do. I can't help it."</p><p>"Oh we know." Hennix said, half smiling, and Voe smacked him on the arm.</p><p>"Sorry Amaya." Voe said, turning to look over at her. "This probably isn't how you thought your first real day would go."</p><p>"Yea, I mean, are you sure you still want to join the academy?" Hennix asked, and Amaya laughed. If only they knew how this conflict paled in comparison to the literal voices she was hearing inside her own mind.</p><p>"I'm sure." Amaya said.</p><p>"Well Ben seems to like you so consider yourself lucky." Voe said, and Amaya bit her lip, unsure what to say.</p><p>"Shall we go back inside?" Hennix asked, "Also don't you want to change?" He asked, pulling at the sleeve of Voe's soaked uniform.</p><p>Voe shrugged, still looking dejected, but stood up. "I'll meet you in the library." She said, taking off across the courtyard without a backward glance.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Unfixable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing.</strong>
</p><p>When Ben didn't show up for study time in the library with Master Luke, Amaya was surprised but chalked it up to the fact that Luke was there. When Ben didn't show up for free practice in the upstairs training room, Amaya started to wonder whether they should have checked in with him after all. And when Ben didn't show up to cook and eat dinner, Amaya began to secretly wonder if he hadn't ran away or died.</p><p>For their part, none of the other padawans seemed particularly concerned. They went about their business like everything was fine. Even Voe remained silent about the whole ordeal, acting almost as if it had never happened.</p><p>"Should we...um...save some food for Ben?" Amaya asked the others as they ate.</p><p>"It's his choice if he wants to starve himself." Voe replied coolly.</p><p>"We can leave some in the oven for a few hours." Tai said, "But we'll have to remember to come back and get it if he doesn't show up."</p><p>"We could bring it to him." Amaya suggested, and Voe snorted.</p><p>"He's not a prince. We shouldn't have to cater to his needs every time he throws a fit." Voe said, rolling her eyes.</p><p>"He hasn't eaten anything since breakfast." Amaya said, standing up, "I'm going to bring him food."</p><p>"Your funeral." Voe said, and Amaya ignored her, resolutely picking up a clean plate and piling it up with the noodle dish they had made.</p><p>Climbing the stairs, Amaya came out onto the dormitory floor and turned to the right, walking up to the door that said Ben. She paused outside it, reaching out through the Force to determine whether he was inside. She found his familiar presence almost instantly, drawing back quickly as she felt him notice her.</p><p>"Ben?" Amaya called, knocking on the door.</p><p>No reply came from within the room and Amaya hesitated. "I brought you dinner." She said after a moment, "I'll just...I'll just leave it outside your door in case you want it."</p><p>Amaya stood still, listening for any sound coming from within the room. All was quiet.</p><p>Sighing, she bent down, placing the food on the ground next to the door. She stood back up, waiting for a few more moments before turning to leave. She made it almost as far as the stairs when she heard a door behind her open and she stopped. Turning around, she saw Ben in the doorway to his room, looking at her.</p><p>"Hey." She said, unsure whether to stay or go.</p><p>"Hey." Ben replied, looking down at the food at his feet.</p><p>"Thought you might be hungry..." Amaya said, feeling incredibly awkward.</p><p>Ben bent to pick up the food, examining it, before looking back at her. "Thanks." He said, and Amaya half smiled.</p><p>"You're welcome." She said.</p><p>Silence fell between them and Amaya bit her lip. "I assume Voe told you everything." Ben said, after a moment, and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"Pretty much." She replied, and Ben sighed.</p><p>"I'll have to apologize to her tomorrow." He said.</p><p>"You're not coming to meditation tonight?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Probably not." Ben said, and Amaya felt her heart sink with disappointment.</p><p>"Do you want to go on a walk?" Amaya asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them.</p><p>Ben looked at her in surprise. He glanced down at the food in his hands before looking back up. "Do you want to come in instead?" He asked, gesturing to his open door.</p><p>This time, Amaya was the one who was surprised. "Sure." She said, walking over to him.</p><p>He held open the door for her as she entered the room, looking around herself almost in awe. The four walls were covered with drawings, pictures, maps and charts. The room looked so <em>lived in</em>, compared to her own.</p><p>"Did you draw all of these?" Amaya asked as she looked around.</p><p>"Most of them." Ben said.</p><p>"They remind me of the drawings in Master Luke's study." Amaya said, and Ben grimaced.</p><p>"Some of them were drawn by him." Ben admitted, taking a seat at his desk. He began eating the food, understandably very hungry. "He taught me how to draw."</p><p>Amaya looked around the room, trying and failing to understand the complicated relationship between Ben and his uncle.</p><p>"You can sit down if you want." Ben said, gesturing to his bed, and Amaya took a seat.</p><p>"What did Voe think of you coming up here?" Ben asked, "Or does she even know?"</p><p>Amaya shook her head, "Oh she knows." She replied, "She wasn't thrilled. She said something about me treating you like a prince."</p><p>Ben snorted. "Why shouldn't you?" He asked, jokingly, and Amaya laughed.</p><p>"Have you and Voe always hated each other?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"We don't...hate...each other." Ben said, "Well I suppose we do sometimes. She probably hates me. I just find her incredibly annoying."</p><p>Amaya thought back to Voe's earlier admission of hatred and decided very quickly to keep this information to herself.</p><p>"But no, we've never really been friends." Ben continued. "I shouldn't have said what I said to her though. She came up to me and said I was doing a good job and I thought she was gloating. In fact, I'm still pretty convinced she was gloating. She loves it when Master Luke gets mad at me. But that doesn't excuse all the things I said."</p><p>"Have you spoken to Master Luke since?" Amaya asked, and Ben shook his head.</p><p>"No and I don't intend to." He said, "We both meant the things we said. There's no point talking about it."</p><p>"Are you sure it wouldn't help-"</p><p>"I'm absolutely sure it wouldn't help." Ben replied forcefully. "Master Luke and I are never going to agree on certain things. I'm never going to be who he wants me to be. There's no point trying to fix things."</p><p>"From what you've told me, it doesn't look like he understands you very well." Amaya said. "That time with Lila, he misunderstood your intentions-"</p><p>"He knows me better than anyone." Ben said, shaking his head. "Better even than my own parents. He practically raised me."</p><p>"What happened then?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"I failed to live up to his expectations." Ben said, his face guarded. "He thought he could fix me and he couldn't and now every time he sees me it's like I'm a walking reminder of his failure."</p><p>"He thought he could<em> fix</em> you?" Amaya asked, taken aback.</p><p>"He thought he could get rid of the darkness in me." Ben clarified.</p><p>"You mean like the Dark side of the Force?" Amaya asked, and Ben nodded.</p><p>"But he has also has darkness in him." Amaya said, frowning. "See this is what I don't understand. No one in this Temple has succeeded at getting rid of the Dark altogether. Why are you any different?"</p><p>"Because I have <em>more</em>." Ben said, shaking his head. "Don't pretend you don't see it too."</p><p>"All I see is you're more unhappy than everyone else." Amaya said, "Is that because of the darkness or is that the darkness itself?"</p><p>Ben frowned, taken aback by her question. "I guess that's the darkness itself. I should be happy. I have no reason not to be. You said it yourself that night we couldn't sleep. This place is perfect. It's literally <em>perfect </em>but all I want is to leave."</p><p>"I take back what I said." Amaya said, shaking her head. "This place isn't perfect, it just <em>seemed</em> perfect. If I felt like my uncle considered me his greatest failure in life I wouldn't be happy either. I also wouldn't be friends with a girl who constantly undermined me out of jealousy. Your feelings are not unreasonable, Ben."</p><p>Ben shook his head. "They are unreasonable. I've been given everything I could ever want in life. My parents and uncle are the heroes of the New Republic, I've never had to hide in a bomb shelter or lose a parent, I was given the opportunity to learn to be a Jedi...I have no reason to be ungrateful."</p><p>"When I was a child, my mom took a glass of water and put it on the table." Amaya said, the old memory making her nostalgic. "She asked me what colour the water was and I said clear. So then she took a small bottle of green food colouring and let just one drop fall into the cup. She picked up the cup and swirled it around until the entire water was green, and then she asked me again what colour the water was. I said it was green and she nodded."</p><p>Amaya paused, her throat strangely tight as the memory brought back the loss that she would never fully recover from. "She said the water was a perfect life - one in which nothing was wrong. She said the green dye symbolized a negative occurrence of any kind - some kind of problem or harm or conflict. It only took one small drop of green dye to turn the entire cup of water green. Problems expand to fill available space - they will permeate every part of your life, it's inevitable. It doesn't matter how seemingly small or insignificant they are."</p><p>"So are you saying we're doomed to be forever miserable?" Ben asked and Amaya laughed, shaking her head.</p><p>"No, not necessarily." She said, "After my mom explained the analogy to me she got me to drink the water. At first I hesitated, not sure if it would taste weird because of the food colouring. She insisted I try it so I did. It tasted like normal water. I couldn't taste the dye and if I hadn't been able to see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have known it was in there. Just because life is filled with problems doesn't mean it's any worse than a perfect life. The problems remain, but life still tastes just as sweet."</p><p>"What if you have so much food colouring in the water that it no longer tastes like water and you're basically just drinking food colouring?" Ben asked.</p><p>"It takes a lot to get to that point." Amaya said. "I know people whose whole lives have been nothing short of horror stories and who still think the water tastes like water. It does happen though. There was a young girl in the orphanage who killed herself about a year before the bombing."</p><p>"Some people are stronger than others." Ben said. "The Jedi Order sees those who succumb to the Dark side as weak. Any failure to accept the green dye in your cup of water is a transgression."</p><p>"I think that's unfair. Some people have more sensitive taste buds. They can taste the dye before anyone else can. I wouldn't call that weakness." Amaya said.</p><p>Suddenly remembering the time, Amaya checked the clock on the wall. "Meditation starts in 5 minutes. I have to go." She said and Ben nodded, standing up.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Amaya asked, and Ben sighed.</p><p>"If I go down there I will have to give Voe an apology. It will be long and painful and she might cry and I'm too tired to deal with that right now." Ben said.</p><p>Amaya nodded, "I understand." She said, turning to leave.</p><p>"Amaya?" Ben said suddenly, and Amaya turned back to face him. "Thank you...for the food."</p><p>Amaya smiled, suddenly seized with a desire to hug him. "You're welcome."</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Ben walked through the snow, the tall trees of a forest rising up on either side of him. He felt the cold around him in his very bones and wrapped an arm around himself as he shivered involuntarily. A sharp stab of pain greeted him and Ben looked down, his eyes widening in horror as he saw he was bleeding. His clothing was torn, revealing an ugly wound underneath. Ben stumbled, falling to his knees as his legs gave way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You shouldn't have lied to me." Amaya's voice said, echoing through the forest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben looked up frantically, unable to see where her voice was coming from.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I told you she would figure it out eventually." Snoke's voice sneered, and Ben felt a sharp pain shoot through his torso.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked down, finding a red lightsaber in his chest. He pulled on the handle, pulling it out and looked at the handle. It was his handle. His lightsaber. Why was it red...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your lightsaber bled when you killed me." Voe said, and Ben looked up. She stood in front of him, looking perfectly unharmed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I didn't-" Ben breathed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You don't remember?" Voe sneered. "Did my life mean so little to you? Arrogant, cruel, selfish bastard."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben shook his head, his eyes widening in horror as Voe's skin began to flake, her body crumbling to dust in front of his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why did you do it?" Amaya asked, kneeling in front of him as he continued to shake his head. He hadn't killed her. He hadn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya reached out, touching his face, and Ben met her gaze. She was so beautiful. He wanted her so badly it hurt. He reached out, intending to touch her and she screamed. Ben jolted back in horror, watching as his red lightsaber pierced Amaya's chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"NO!" Ben screamed, holding her body as the light in her eyes dimmed and she began still. "No, I didn't mean to. I didn't-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You hurt people, Ben." Luke's voice said. "It's all you know how to do."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You destroy everything you touch." Snoke's voice said, echoing through the trees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No." Ben muttered, holding Amaya's dead body. "It was an accident."</em>
</p><p>Ben woke up suddenly, his heart pounding. He pushed back the covers, soaked in sweat and sat up, running his hands over his face as he tried to calm down. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. None of it was real.</p><p>Ben leaned his back against the wall, his terror subsiding and leaving nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. He glanced over at the clock on the wall and groaned, closing his eyes. 6:43 am. He'd gotten a grand total of 3 hours of sleep despite going to bed not long after Amaya had left for evening meditation. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept for more than 5 hours in one night and on the nights he'd been lucky enough to get that much in, his sleep had trapped him in horrific nightmares that left him with a sense of foreboding even after he woke up. This one had been no different.</p><p>Ben shook his head, climbing out of bed. It was just a dream, there was no point in thinking about it anymore, he told himself. Ben closed his eyes as the image of Amaya's dead body came unbidden to the front of his mind. No, he was going to shower and get dressed, he told himself.</p><p>Jumping into the shower, Ben tried to focus on the conversation he would undoubtedly be having with Voe today. What was he going to tell her? That he was sorry? A lot of good that would do... Their relationship was too fraught with years of tension to be fixed by one apology. Anything he said now would just be empty words.</p><p>The image of Voe crumbling to dust in front of him floated to the front of his mind and Ben turned off the shower, quickly drying his hair and getting dressed. He sat down on his bed and picked up one of the Jedi texts, opening it to the page he was supposed to read for today. Of course, he'd already read the entire book more than once and his eyes glazed over the page as he read, only half absorbing the content the knew like the back of his hand.</p><p>Ben looked up as he heard a knock and frowned, checking the time. Somehow more than an hour had flown by since he'd woken up. Walking to his door, he reached out with the Force, feeling relieved when he sensed it was Amaya.</p><p>"Afraid I wouldn't show up?" Ben asked, opening the door for her to enter.</p><p>Amaya laughed. "A little." She admitted.</p><p>"I want to get this over with as soon as possible." Ben said, "I was actually thinking of going over to talk to her now before we start making breakfast."</p><p>"Good idea." Amaya agreed.</p><p>"Amaya, I forgot to ask yesterday but...have you heard anything more from...the voice?" Ben asked, and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"No." She said, "Thankfully."</p><p>"I realized I was supposed to start training you last night...on how to block him out." Ben said, suddenly feeling guilty and Amaya immediately shook her head.</p><p>"Don't worry about it." She said dismissively. "We can do it another time. If he even tries to make contact again."</p><p>Ben fell silent, suddenly overcome with a wave of fear as he imagined all the things Snoke could tell her about him. All the secrets he had so carefully guarded all these years...</p><p>"Well then I'll meet you in the kitchen?" Amaya asked, and Ben looked back up, nodding.</p><p>"Right." Ben said, nodding and Amaya half smiled before turning to leave, closing the door behind her. Ben sighed, preparing himself mentally for the conservation he needed to have with Voe. Shaking his head, he left his room, not wanting to delay the inevitable any longer.</p><p>Stopping in front of Voe's door, Ben knocked, half hoping she wouldn't answer. Of course, she did. Voe opened the door, her face hardening the moment she saw him. She let out a loud sigh, turning on her heel and re-entering the room, leaving the door open for Ben to come in. Ben hesitated in the doorway for a moment before entering, watching as Voe returned to her mirror, continuing to braid her hair as if Ben wasn't there.</p><p>"Well if you have something to say, you better say it quick because we have to go." Voe snapped, not bothering to look at him.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Ben ground out.</p><p>The words elicited no reaction from Voe, who continued to braid her hair as if he hadn't said anything.</p><p>"I shouldn't have said those things to you. They weren't true, I just said them to hurt you." Ben continued.</p><p>"Why?" Voe asked, still not looking at him.</p><p>"Why what?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Why did you want to hurt me? What did I do to you to deserve that?" Voe asked, finally spinning around to look at him. "What did I do to make you<em> hate</em> me so much?"</p><p>Ben clenched his fists, willing himself to stay calm. "I don't hate you."</p><p>"You do!" Voe cried, "We've known each other since we were children and we've never been friends. Why is that?"</p><p>Ben looked away, unsure how to answer the question without making things worse.</p><p>"Am I not good enough for you?" Voe continued, her voice wavering, "Is that it?"</p><p>"No." Ben replied quickly and forcefully. "No. That's not it."</p><p>"Then what?" Voe asked, crossing her arms.</p><p>Ben sighed, "I don't know...we're different people." He said shrugging. "We're just not...compatible."</p><p>Voe scoffed. "Not compatible. Right."</p><p>Ben resisted the urge to groan as she turned away again, continuing to braid her hair.</p><p>"I dreamt you died last night." Ben said, and Voe froze, turning to stare at him in horror.</p><p>"Like a...Force dream or-"</p><p>"No, not a Force dream." Ben said, shaking his head. "A normal dream."</p><p>"Then why are you telling me this?" Voe asked and Ben sighed, shrugging.</p><p>"I don't know." He admitted. "Maybe cause it's evidence I don't hate you. Evidence I actually feel bad about yesterday."</p><p>Voe looked at him for a moment, her eyes roving over his face, but she sighed and looked away. "I don't understand you, Ben." She said simply, finishing her braids. She held them out in front of the mirror, checking to make sure they were the same length.</p><p>Ben made no reply and Voe turned around to look at him. "It's always going to be like this, isn't it?" She said, an undertone of sadness to her voice that made Ben want to look away in shame. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get along with this girl? She wasn't <em>that</em> objectively difficult to handle...</p><p>After a moment Ben nodded, unable to deny the truth. They would never be friends. If it were possible, it would have happened by now. Voe turned away, a brightness to her eyes that Ben did not like. <em>You hurt people, Ben.</em> Luke's dream voice echoed in the back of Ben's mind as he followed Voe of her room in silence. <em>It's all you know how to do.</em></p><hr/><p>Amaya felt the change in the Force before Ben and Voe even entered the kitchen, a cold draft of darkness filling the room. She looked up, exchanging a look with Tai, as the door opened and Ben and Voe entered.</p><p>"Good morning!" Hennix called out to them, accidentally dropping an egg as he did so.</p><p>"Hennix!" Voe cried, immediately going to clean up the spilled egg as Hennix apologized while trying to get the splattered yoke off his pant leg.</p><p>Amaya laughed as she watched Voe scold Hennix like she was his mother, helping him clean his pants with a cloth and water. She barely noticed Ben come over to her until he was right next to her. She looked over, giving him a small smile.</p><p>"How did it go?" She whispered underneath her breath as she chopped onions for the omelettes they were making. Ben grabbed a knife, pulling an onion and a spare chopping board towards him.</p><p>"About the same as I expected." He whispered back. "Let's not talk here."</p><p>Amaya nodded, turning her attention back to the onions until the sound of the door opening once more made her look back up. Master Luke stood in the doorway, his face grim.</p><p>"Ben." He said. "Please come with me."</p><p>Amaya looked over at Ben, watching as he set his jaw and carefully laid down the knife he'd been using. The room was dead silent as he left, closing the door behind him.</p><p>"Well today is just going great." Voe sneered, stirring the eggs with more vigour than necessary.</p><p>"Did you guys make up, or...?" Hennix asked cautiously.</p><p>Voe scoffed. "Make up? What would even be the point?"</p><p>"So that's a no...?" Hennix asked and Voe gave him a withering look, grabbing the bowl of eggs and slamming it down on the table next to Tai and Amaya.</p><p>Amaya lifted her cutting board, pouring in the chopped onion and Tai did the same with his chopped mushrooms.</p><p>"I don't know why Master Luke even tries." Voe continued, carrying the bowl over to the store where Hennix had already started heating up oil in a pan. "Ben is going to do what he wants to do no matter what the consequences are."</p><p>"He's his nephew." Tai said.</p><p>"He's his Jedi Master." Voe snapped back. "He shouldn't treat him different because he's family."</p><p>"No you're right, he shouldn't." Tai replied evenly. "But that's part of the problem. He <em>does</em> treat him differently...and not in a good way."</p><p>At this, Voe spun around, glaring at Tai. "If any one of us behaved the way he did we'd be out on the street."</p><p>"You don't understand the pressure he's under." Tai said defensively. "Master Luke, even though he usually ends up making things worse rather than better, he understands what it's like to be a Skywalker."</p><p>"Oh yes, it must be <em>so</em> difficult being descended from a famous line of war heroes." Voe sneered.</p><p>"It is." Tai replied firmly. "Think of what he has to live up to."</p><p>"No one expects him to save the galaxy." Voe snapped. "We're at peace. The New Republic is doing <em>fine</em>."</p><p>"Voe, the omelettes!" Hennix cried suddenly, and Voe spun around, flipping them just as they began to burn.</p><p>Amaya heard the chatter of the younger padawans fill the mess hall outside, bringing her attention back to the task they were supposed to be completing. "We need to hurry up." Amaya said, pulling out the plates and handing a pile to Hennix, who began to load half-burnt omelettes onto them.</p><p>The door opened moments later, admitting Ben, and a hush fell over the room. Amaya immediately began serving the first plates of omelettes to distract herself from the tension in the room. Ben walked over to Hennix, helping him put the omelettes on plates in silence, his face closed off.</p><p>"It's not raining today." Hennix said, breaking the silence at last. "Think we'll be training outside?"</p><p>"Probably." Voe replied shortly.</p><p>"Better than in here." Hennix said, his words being met by more silence.</p><p>The rest of the breakfast passed in near total silence despite Hennix's multiple attempts to spark conversation. Amaya too, tried to assist him, without much luck. After a while, both gave up, resigning themselves to eating in silence.</p><p>Amaya let out a breath of relief when breakfast was finally over and Voe left to go teach the younger padawans while the rest of them went outside with Luke to train.</p><p>"Alright, so..." Luke said, once they'd gathered outside. "It's Ben's turn to teach Amaya. You two can go practice over there." Luke said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "Tai and Hennix, you will duel each other."</p><p>Amaya glanced over at Ben, and he met her gaze for a split second before turning away, beginning to walk in the direction of the far corner Luke had pointed to. Amaya quickly followed after him, falling into step beside him. They walked in silence for a moment before Amaya worked up the courage to ask the question she'd been burning to ask.</p><p>"So...how'd it go?" She asked, glancing at him cautiously, out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>"How did what go?" Ben asked, his voice almost detached.</p><p>"Your conversation with Voe." She said, "And...I guess Master Luke?"</p><p>Ben sighed. "I'd really rather not talk about it."</p><p>Amaya tried to hide the wave of disappointment that washed over her, but she had a feeling Ben felt it anyway. They finished the walk in silence, stopping near the edge of the field, far from the others. Amaya looked back, watching Hennix and Tai duel from the distance.</p><p>"I don't know if I'll ever catch up." Amaya said, shaking her head, as she lifted up the stick she had brought to practice with.</p><p>"You will." Ben said, lifting up his own stick.</p><p>Amaya got into position, beginning to feel somewhat familiar with the proper way to hold her pretend lightsaber. She nearly jumped as Ben lunged towards her, blocking him just in time.</p><p>"Pay attention." He said, attacking her once more before he'd even finished speaking.</p><p>Amaya ground her teeth, trying and failing to anticipate where and how he would strike next as he continued to move on the offensive.</p><p>"Watch my eyes." Ben said, as he continued to strike. "People usually strike where they're looking."</p><p>Amaya trained her eyes on his face, immediately failing to block a strike entirely. "Don't<em> only</em> watch my eyes." Ben admonished. "You have to see everything all at once."</p><p>"<em>How</em>?" Amaya asked, putting down her stick suddenly.</p><p>"It'll come with practice." Ben said, sighing. "It's like when you learn how to fly a ship, at first your eyes are glued to whatever's in front of you. But eventually, you learn to be able to see everything around you."</p><p>"I'm a terrible pilot." Amaya said. "I crash landed on this island. I don't even know if the ship is even salvageable."</p><p>"How were you planning to leave then if you weren't admitted?" Ben asked, frowning.</p><p>Amaya laughed. "I guess I was hoping for some help?"</p><p>Ben's lips twitched as if he wanted to smile before he picked up his stick again, preparing to resume the practice.</p><p>"If you can't pay attention to everything all at once with your eyes." Ben said, "Use the Force."</p><p>Amaya shook her head. "Using the Force distracts me. I'm not used to having to pay attention to another person <em>while</em> using it."</p><p>"Well you're going to have to learn because that is essential in any battle." Ben said and Amaya sighed.</p><p>"How about this." Ben said suddenly, lowering his stick again. "Close your eyes."</p><p>"What!?" Amaya cried, tightening her grip on her stick.</p><p>"Just do it." Ben said. "Don't worry, I won't hit you." He added, a hint of a smirk on his lips.</p><p>"You better not." Amaya said, giving him a pointed look before closing her eyes. She lifted up her stick, getting into position.</p><p>"Now reach out with the Force." Ben said and Amaya did as she was told, feeling Ben's life-force in front of her.</p><p>"Good. Now focus on my hands." Ben said, "Feel where they are in the space in front of you."</p><p>Amaya probed Ben's life-force, trying to differentiate between the different parts of his body. They all ran together, a chaotic mix of Light and Dark. He could feel his emotions so clearly it took her breath away. For once the anger had been reduced to a subtle undercurrent, exposing the rawness and intensity of his pain. Amaya struggled to breathe, opening her eyes, as she pulled back from the Force in shock.</p><p>She stared at Ben, still reeling from the memory of what she had felt. He stared back at her, his face more vulnerable than she had ever seen it.</p><p>"You were supposed to focus on my hands." Ben said, his voice hollow.</p><p>Amaya shook her head. "I'm sorry. I couldn't differentiate between anything. It was all just mixed together."</p><p>Ben sighed. "Try again." He said.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Amaya asked, feeling very much like she was invading his privacy.</p><p>"How else are you going to learn?" Ben replied and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"Okay." She said, closing her eyes and reaching out with the Force once more. She found Ben immediately but tried to pull back slightly so that she could focus less on his emotions and more on where his body was in space. She felt around the edges of his life-force, trying to feel out the shape of his body.</p><p>"I can't tell anything apart." Amaya said after a few moments.</p><p>"Hold your hand out in front of you." Ben said and Amaya frowned, in confusion.</p><p>"Why?" She asked, but did as she was told.</p><p>Ben made no reply. Instead, Amaya felt his life-force move closer until his palm touched her own. Amaya almost jumped at the unexpected contact before realizing what he was doing. She focused her attention on the spot where his life-force met her own.</p><p>"Good. Now stay focused on that same spot." Ben said, before pulled back his hand.</p><p>Amaya followed his retreating life-force as it seemed to become less spread out. She could feel his hand was closer to his body now. "Now find my hand." Ben said and Amaya stepped forward, reaching forward blindly. She reached for the part of his life-force she'd been focusing on, her fingers closing around his bare hand. She opened her eyes, a grin breaking out on her face, and let go of his hand, embarrassed by the sudden closeness.</p><p>"You did it." Ben said, a small smile on his face.</p><p>"You're a good teacher." Amaya said.</p><p>Ben's smile grew ever so slightly before he looked away and suggested they try again...this time with the sticks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As evening meditation came to a close, Amaya stood up, stretching after having been sitting for so long.</p><p>"I actually think I fell asleep for part of that." Hennix said and Amaya turned to stare at him, a laugh escaping her lips before she could contain it.</p><p>"Wouldn't be the first time." Voe said, rolling her eyes.</p><p>"Amaya, can I talk to you?" Ben said, suddenly appearing by her side. Voe immediately averted her eyes, her demeanor changing instantly.</p><p>"Of course." Amaya said, quickly leaving with him before the situation became any more tense. They walked through the room in silence, exiting into the corridor. Ben quickly led the way to the courtyard, closing the door to the Temple behind them before speaking.</p><p>"Do you still want to learn how to shield your mind?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Yes, of course." Amaya said quickly, afraid someone would hear them.</p><p>"To teach you effectively I'll have to actually invade your mind." Ben said. "Are you <em>sure</em> you're okay with that?"</p><p>Amaya felt a chill run through her. Of course she was not okay with that...but what other choice did she have? "That's fine." Amaya said, not missing the way Ben's eyes widened in surprise.</p><p>"I'll be able to access any memory, any thought, any feeling..."</p><p>"I understand." Amaya said, nodding curtly. "It's fine."</p><p>Ben stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Okay then want to reconvene in my room in 10 minutes?"</p><p>Amaya nodded, heading for the door. "I'll see you then." She said, reentering the Temple. She climbed the stairs two at a time, her heart pounding with adrenaline. Was she really going to willingly let him into her mind? Let him see <em>everything</em>?</p><p>Amaya pushed down her fear, shaking her head, as she entered her room. So what if he knew her whole life story...who she was...inside and out? So what if he saw what she'd done...who she was...</p><p>Amaya squeezed her eyes shut, sitting down on her bed. She put her face in her hands, willing herself to calm down. He had secrets too, she reminded herself. If he betrayed her and told Master Luke then he'd have to explain why he'd hid the voice from Master Luke in the first place. And that probably wouldn't be all he'd have to explain. Amaya had a strong feeling he had ulterior motives for wanting to help her shut out the voice<em> without</em> involving Master Luke.</p><p>No, Amaya reminded herself. They were in this together. For better or for worse.</p><p>With a sigh, Amaya pushed herself off her bed, walking over to the door. She doubted 10 minutes had gone by but she desperately just wanted to get this over with.</p><p>
  <em>So you really don't want to continue our conversations?</em>
</p><p>Amaya's grip on the doorknob slipped as the cold voice slipped into her mind undetected.</p><p><em>Privacy.</em> The voice sneered. <em>Why is it that we value it so highly? Isn't hiding parts of yourself a form of deception?</em></p><p><em>You know my every thought, my every word, my every action.</em> Amaya thought back. <em>I know nothing about you. That gives you power over me and you know it.</em></p><p><em>Clever girl. </em>The voice replied. <em>I really do like you.</em></p><p><em>Wish I could say I felt the same.</em> Amaya thought back, irritably.</p><p><em>Well regardless of how you feel about me, I feel I have the responsibility to warn you about what you are about to do. </em>The voice replied.</p><p>Amaya felt her insides turn cold and immediately felt her irritation for the voice grow. He was playing with her. He wanted to turn her against Ben.</p><p><em>I'm merely looking out for your interests. </em>The voice said, hearing her thoughts. <em>Nothing more.</em></p><p>Amaya gritted her teeth. The sooner she learned how to block out this voice the better.</p><p>
  <em>Oh come now, Amaya. You know as well as I do that you can't trust Ben Solo with your secrets. The boy is impulsive, prone to bursts of anger-</em>
</p><p><em>This is none of your concern.</em> Amaya interrupted. <em>I'd rather be expelled from the Temple than live with you in my mind.</em></p><p><em>That hurts, Amaya. </em>The voice sneered.<em> There's so much I wanted to share with you. Knowledge your Jedi Master would never give you.</em></p><p><em>You mean the Dark side? </em>Amaya asked and the voice laughed.</p><p><em>Yes, the Dark side. </em>The voice. <em>Or as you would call it...simply the Force.</em></p><p><em>Ben said you don't use the Light side. </em>Amaya said. <em>Why not?</em></p><p><em>Because the Light side is less powerful than the Dark side. I have no use for it. </em>The voice replied.</p><p><em>Why is it more powerful? </em>Amaya asked.</p><p><em>The Light side draws its power from non-attachment and universal compassion.</em> The voice explained. <em>These are, as you have already realized, near impossible ideals to reach. The Dark side draws its power from passion and ambition and these...well these come naturally to most people.</em></p><p><em>So it's easier. </em>Amaya surmised. <em>It's not more powerful it's just more accessible.</em></p><p><em>It's both.</em> The voice replied. <em>The Light side is fettered by artificial restraints. Jedi can only use their power in ways that align with their sense of morality. The Dark side imposes no limits on its users and with this freedom comes the ability to achieve things Jedi never could.</em></p><p><em>Just because you </em>can<em> do something doesn't mean you </em>should<em>.</em> Amaya replied.</p><p><em>And who determines what you should do? </em>The voice asked. <em>Your Jedi Master? The Jedi Code?</em></p><p><em>I do. </em>Amaya replied sharply. <em>I decide.</em></p><p>Amaya felt the voice's presence glow with satisfaction. Something about what she had said had pleased him greatly.</p><p><em>We'll talk soon, my girl. </em>The voice said and Amaya felt revulsion ripple through her.</p><p><em>Don't call me that. </em>She thought back angrily. The voice made no reply and Amaya reached out through the Force, trying to find his presence, but he was gone. Amaya squeezed her eyes shut, her irritation verging on full blown anger. Opening her eyes again, she opened the door to the hallway, more resolved than ever to learn how to block the voice out of her mind.</p><hr/><p>Ben sat at his desk, absentmindedly drawing circles on the back of the unopened letter his mother had sent him, his mind lost in thought. The conversation he'd had that morning with Luke kept replaying in his mind. The look of helplessness that had been on his uncle's face was seared into his mind.</p><p>He'd asked him if he wanted to leave the Temple...give up being a Jedi. Ben accidentally tore the envelope as he used more force than necessary to draw a circle. Luke was giving up on him. He thought he couldn't do it...he thought he wasn't strong enough to be a Jedi. Of course, Ben had always known that his uncle had had doubts about him. Right from the very start. But he'd always tried hard to hide them...Now, not only was he not hiding his reservations about Ben's ability to join the Jedi Order...he was actively trying to get him to leave the Temple.</p><p>Ben jumped as a knock sounded on his door and he stood up, dropping the pencil he'd been holding. He opened the door, finding Amaya outside, as expected.</p><p>"Are you ready?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Ben nodded, stepping back to let her in, before closing the door behind her. Amaya walked in, immediately noticing the torn envelope on the desk. She glanced at it briefly before turning back to Ben, forcing a smile.</p><p>"How do we begin?" She asked.</p><p>Ben struggled to bring his attention back to the present. He focused his eyes on Amaya's face, pushing all other thoughts from his mind. "I'm going to attempt to invade your mind." Ben said. "You will try to resist me."</p><p>Amaya's eyebrows went way up. "That's it?" She asked. "There's no strategy?"</p><p>"I don't know how to teach this." Ben admitted. "I barely know how to do it myself. What I try to do is narrow in on the person's Force signature and then try to almost physically push them away or block them."</p><p>Amaya frowned. "I thought you said you've never used this skill against another person before."</p><p>Ben mentally slapped himself for his slip. "I meant that's what I've read you're supposed to do." He said, causing Amaya to raise an eyebrow in disbelief. "Anyway, are you ready?"</p><p>Amaya exhaled slowly and Ben noticed her hands were shaking slightly. "Don't be afraid." He said. "What I see stays within this room."</p><p>Amaya nodded. "I know, thanks." She said, smiling. "Go ahead."</p><p>"Oh and one more thing." Ben said. "You'll know when I enter your mind. You might not feel it when the voice is in your mind because he seems to be very experienced at getting inside peoples' heads. I'm not very good at it so I won't be able to hide my presence. You'll know what I'm looking at."</p><p>Amaya nodded. "That's good actually. I'm glad I'll know what you see."</p><p>Ben nodded, fixing his eyes on hers. Taking a step towards her, he reached out with the Force, feeling the fear and apprehension within her. He pushed deeper, opening her mind like a book and Amaya gasped in shock before quickly falling silent again. He felt her displeasure at his presence intensify but encountered no resistance, her thoughts and past experiences coming quickly to him.</p><p>Flipping back through her mind to the point at which she entered his room, Ben saw himself through her eyes as he opened the door to let her in. He felt her emotions in the moment, feeling the way a flicker of worry ignited inside her at the sight of his face. <em>He looks tired. He's still not any better than earlier. What happened with Master Luke? What did they say? </em>Ben listened to her thoughts as she stepped into the room, her eyes catching the torn envelope on his desk. <em>His mother? Why did he tear it? Why hasn't he read it?</em></p><p>Ben felt Amaya struggle weakly against his grip on her mind, but it barely registered. He was too engrossed in her thoughts, caught up in seeing himself through her eyes for the first time.</p><p><em>"I thought you said you've never used this skill against another person before." </em>Ben heard Amaya ask, feeling her concern for him turn to suspicion. His response only increased her suspicion and made her annoyed. <em>You can't trust Ben Solo with your secrets.</em> Ben heard the memory of Snoke's voice say within Amaya's mind, causing Amaya's suspicion to turn to cold fear.</p><p>Ben froze, Snoke's words igniting his own anger. When had Snoke spoken to her again? She hadn't told him he'd made contact again? Was she hiding something? Ben felt Amaya protest weakly as he angrily flipped back through her memory, looking for Snoke. He stopped as he found the conversation they had had right before she'd come to his room. He listened intently, his anger growing with every word Snoke said. She really didn't trust him, he could <em>feel</em> it. She knew Snoke was telling the truth when he warned her against him meanwhile also knowing Snoke was manipulating her. She was too <em>smart</em>.</p><p>Ben pulled out of her mind suddenly, unable to take it any longer. He glared at her, suddenly hating her as much as he did Luke.</p><p>"Why did you come here tonight if you don't even trust me?" Ben snapped.</p><p>Amaya opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again.</p><p>"Because you think you can blackmail me into keeping your secrets?" Ben snarled. "You think I'm only helping you because I have something to hide? Is it so difficult to believe I might have actually wanted to help you out of <em>kindness</em>?"</p><p>"Ben-" Amaya began but Ben cut her off.</p><p>"I'm keeping your secrets, going out of my way to help you, and you<em> still</em> think I have some hidden agenda? What proof do you have I've ever lied to you? No, you know what? Forget it. You can learn how to deal with the voice on your own. Get out."</p><p>Amaya's eyes widened in shock before hardening, a look coming across her face Ben had never seen before. "Alright." She said, "If you won't help me I'll go tell Master Luke what's going on." She said, turning to leave.</p><p>Ben felt his insides turn to ice. "It's your loss." He said, trying to keep the sudden fear he felt out of his voice. She wasn't serious, he told himself. She wouldn't risk her place in the Temple.</p><p>Amaya made no reply, quickly crossing the room to the door. She pulled the door open, closing it behind herself. Ben stared at the closed door, fear racing through his veins. She wasn't actually going to tell Luke, he told himself once more.</p><p>But what if she did? Ben felt his hands begin to shake as he realized Luke's gentle suggestion that Ben leave the Temple would certainly become a hard-lined demand he leave. It would mean the end, not for Amaya...but for him. Where would he even go? He had no life outside the Temple. He couldn't go home...he wouldn't be able to face his mother if Luke sent him away. Besides, his real home was the Temple. His "home" on Chandrilla was empty most of the time, his family dispersed in different corners of the galaxy.</p><p>Suddenly realizing he couldn't take that chance, Ben left his room, spotting the back of Amaya's head as she entered the stairwell. She was actually going to tell him, Ben realized with a cold terror. He ran after her, catching her halfway down the stairwell.</p><p>"Amaya stop." Ben said, not even bothering to keep the panic out of his voice now. "Please. Wait."</p><p>Amaya ignored him, continuing her way down the stairs. Ben reached out to grab her, his hand closing around her arm. Amaya spun around to glare at him, angrily yanking her arm out of his grasp. "Let go of me." She snapped viciously, turning to leave once more.</p><p>"I'll help you." Ben said quickly. "I didn't mean that. Please just stop."</p><p>Amaya ignored him, continuing down the stairs faster than before.</p><p>"No wait." Ben said desperately, following her. "You were right. I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you everything you want to know. Just stop."</p><p>Amaya slowed down, stopping on the last step, her back still to him. She hesitated before looking back up at him, the look on her face sending chills down Ben's spine. This had been a trap...a way to get the truth out of him.</p><p>"How will I know you'll actually tell me the truth this time?" Amaya asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Ben sighed irritably. "The same way you did the first time." He snapped, turning on his heel to climb back up the stairs. He took a few steps and then stopped, realizing she was not following. He looked back down at her, noticing her expression had changed. She was staring at the stairwell wall, deep in thought.</p><p>"What are you waiting for?" He snapped impatiently.</p><p>Amaya looked up at him, pulling herself out of whatever reverie she had been in, and began to walk up the stairs. Ben turned his back to her and continued up the stairs, fuming as he realized he had let her get the best of him. He should never have confronted her about distrusting him. He should have left well enough alone. Now he would pay the price.</p><p>They reentered Ben's bedroom in silence, both too angry to speak. Ben paced back and forth, trying to figure out how and what to say, while Amaya leaned against the wall, her arms crossed.</p><p>"So are you going to talk or..." Amaya said after a moment and Ben stopped to glare at her.</p><p>"Why can't you just mind your own goddamn business?" Ben snarled. "Why do you have to pry into everyone else's lives. Are you really that starved for entertainment?"</p><p>"You really are talented at deflecting the blame onto others when you get backed into a corner." Amaya remarked coolly.</p><p>Ben felt his temper flare at this remark, realizing subconsciously it was spot on. He wanted desperately to break something but Amaya was watching, judging him with her suddenly very cold eyes, and he didn't want to look like he'd completely lost control.</p><p>"Okay I will make this easier for you." Amaya said, "Who does the voice belong to?"</p><p>Ben glared at her, his hatred making it difficult to even focus on the words she was saying. "Snoke." He said, after a moment. "His name's Snoke."</p><p>Amaya's eyebrows went up. "Snoke? What kind of a name is that?"</p><p>"A made-up name." Ben snapped. "He'll never tell you his real one."</p><p>"Who is he?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"A Dark side user." Ben said. "I don't know much more than that."</p><p>"What does he want from me?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"You." Ben said, fixing her sharply. "He wants you as his apprentice. I assume, anyway."</p><p>At this, Amaya's face drained of colour. "Why does he want <em>me</em>?" She asked.</p><p>"Because he think you're easier to turn to the Dark side...and you're powerful." Ben said, and Amaya frowned.</p><p>"I'm not. I can barely hold a lightsaber." She said and Ben rolled his eyes.</p><p>"That, you can learn. Your power comes from birth. You're more attuned to the Force than most I've seen." Ben said. "Snoke noticed."</p><p>Amaya fell silent for a moment, thinking.</p><p>"How do you know him?" She asked at last and Ben hesitated. This had been the question he'd been dreading.</p><p>"He's been in my mind since I was a child." Ben said at last, cringing at the look of horror that spread out across Amaya's face. He'd known she would react this way. His mother and uncle had always acted this way - as if he was dying of some terminal disease.</p><p>"<em>Why</em>?" Amaya asked, finally uncrossing her arms.</p><p>Ben snorted, looking away. "For the same reasons he's talking to you...and because I'm a Skywalker."</p><p>"He wants you to turn to the Dark side." Amaya said, as if something was suddenly clicking inside her mind. Ben looked back at her, half considering breaking into her mind again to know just what she was thinking.</p><p>"And you've been resisting him for what? Over a decade?" Amaya asked, sounding almost impressed.</p><p>Ben frowned. "Yes." He said. "Master Luke taught me how to shut him out a bit but I can't keep him out all the time."</p><p>"Does Master Luke know this or...?" Amaya asked, clearly already guessing the answer.</p><p>"No." Ben said, "I told him years ago Snoke had given up and gone away."</p><p>Amaya shook her head, "Why?"</p><p>"Because I was tired of having him look at me like I was in danger of being taken by the Dark side every single day." Ben snapped. "I knew I'd never be able to shut him out completely, I knew he'd never give up..."</p><p>"Well he's got to give up eventually." Amaya said, "I mean you've gone this far without turning to the Dark side, isn't it kind of unlikely you'll suddenly run off and join him now?"</p><p>Ben felt her words cut through him like a knife. She, of all people, had faith in him when even his own uncle was giving up hope. <em>It's because she doesn't know you well enough</em>, a voice that sounded like Snoke's, but definitely wasn't, pointed out. Ben tried to remember how long it had been since his own thoughts had begun to sound like Snoke's. He could barely even remember a time when he'd had his own mind to himself.</p><p>"Ben there has to be some way to get rid of him." Amaya said, an urgency to her voice now that hadn't been there before.</p><p>"There isn't." Ben snapped. "Not unless you want to kill him."</p><p>Amaya bit her lip. "Is it possible to learn how to shut him out entirely?" Amaya asked, after a moment.</p><p>Ben let out a sigh. "I can't do it. Maybe you can. Who knows." He said, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. He sat down on his bed, looking up at Amaya.</p><p>Amaya fell silent, her face deep in thought. After a moment she looked up. "Does anyone else know? Tai...Hennix…?"</p><p>Ben shook his head. "No."</p><p>"So you've been carrying this secret with you all this time and no one knows except Master Luke...and even he doesn't know that Snoke is still..."</p><p>"Yes." Ben said, meeting Amaya's eyes. They were soft now, the anger from earlier entirely gone.</p><p>Amaya shook her head, looking away. "You're the strongest person I've ever met." She said.</p><p>Ben felt his stomach twist painfully as he looked back up at her. He'd lied to her, insulted her unfairly, taken out his anger on her, and now she was staring at him like he was some sort of miracle. He felt his guilt churn inside him, making him sick.</p><p>"I understand why you didn't want to tell me." Amaya continued, oblivious to the impact her words were having on him. "I'll keep your secret. I promise."</p><p>Ben sighed. "It probably won't even matter." He said, suddenly seized with the desire to share with her the thoughts that had been consuming him all day. "Master Luke wants me to leave. He doesn't think I belong here, and I can't blame him."</p><p>"He wants you to <em>leave</em>?" Amaya asked, shocked. "<em>Why</em>?"</p><p>"Because I'm not able to control myself enough to be a Jedi. You think I'm strong? I'm not, Amaya." Ben said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had the chance to censor himself. "Voe complimented me and I attacked her. You confronted me for lying to you and I insulted you. I can't stop using the Dark side, I can't keep Snoke out of my head, I can't even sleep..."</p><p>Before he realized what was happening, Amaya had crossed the room towards him, taking a seat on his bed, next to him.</p><p>"Ben, most people in your shoes would have already turned to the Dark side." Amaya said seriously. "Snoke has been manipulating you and playing with your mind since you were a child and you're still here. You're here even though no one understands or even knows what you have to deal with on a daily basis. I know what Snoke can be like, how he knows exactly what buttons to press...and to think he's been doing this to you almost all your life...I would have lost my mind."</p><p>"You lost your mother, you watched your friends die in a bombing, you lived in an underground bunker." Ben said. "The things you've had to face...Snoke is <em>nothing</em> compared to that."</p><p>Amaya shook her head. "No, that's not true. Grief is a part of life...so is war in a lot of places...having a psychopath in your head manipulating your thoughts and playing on every weakness is enough to drive most people insane."</p><p>Ben shook his head, wanting to believe her but knowing she was wrong. He was weak. He'd always been weak. That was why Snoke had chosen him in the first place. He'd known Ben wouldn't be able to shut...he'd probably even known that a part of Ben didn't even<em> want</em> to shut him out.</p><p>"We're going to find a way to get rid of him." Amaya said suddenly, her eyes taking on a look of determination that sent shivers down Ben's spine. He didn't understand how someone who had lost everything could be so confident.</p><p>"And I have another idea. Snoke thrives off of creating divide between people because it brings out the Dark side in us. We can't let him tear us apart." Amaya said, staring at Ben with such intensity that Ben suddenly felt self-conscious.</p><p>"The problem is he doesn't use lies to turn people against each other. He uses the truth." Ben said, shaking his head.</p><p>"He uses the parts of the truth that are convenient for him." Amaya corrected him. "He leaves out the rest."</p><p>"Still." Ben said. "The rest often doesn't matter. The damage is done."</p><p>"Of course the rest matters!" Amaya cried. "Take tonight for example. Snoke told me you were lying. He didn't tell me you were justified in wanting to hide what you were hiding."</p><p>Ben fell silent, staring at the floor.</p><p>"Why don't we tell each other what he says?" Amaya suggested. "Every single time he talks to us. That way we'll at least be on the same page."</p><p>Ben looked over at her. "What if the conversation is private?"</p><p>Amaya sighed. "I'll tell you anyway. Actually I'll let you see in my mind. If you don't want to tell me everything Snoke says to you, I understand though."</p><p>Ben hesitated, the thought of having to tell her - or worse, show her - everything he and Snoke talked about. He wanted to tell her it was all pointless - that Snoke would find a way to win no matter what - but he bit his tongue. He couldn't destroy her hope.</p><p>They lapsed into silence, both lost in their own thoughts. After a while, Ben looked back up at her, remembering a question from earlier.</p><p>"Were you really going to tell Master Luke?" He asked, watching her face carefully for signs of deception.</p><p>Amaya's eyes widened ever so slightly at the change in topic and she nodded. "Yes." She said.</p><p>"But you knew I'd stop you." Ben said, and Amaya nodded once more.</p><p>"I was hoping you would." She admitted. "It was a test...but if you hadn't stopped me I would have told Master Luke."</p><p>"You would have risked having to leave the Temple?" Ben asked.</p><p>"I'm afraid of him, Ben." Amaya said. "I don't want to be his pawn."</p><p>Ben examined her face, confused and yet intrigued by the contradictions in it. She was afraid and yet brave enough to serve in a rebellion. She had tricked him into telling her the truth and yet she had been genuine in her intention to tell Luke. She was suited for the Light but unafraid of the Dark.</p><p>"Then make him yours." Ben said, meeting her dark eyes with his own.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Knights of Ren</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Snoke made no contact with her for the rest of the week, leaving Amaya feeling like she was missing something. Why was he ignoring her now? Was this part of his plan? Was he still watching her? She found herself almost searching for him, expecting him to return at any moment. He wouldn't give up that easy...not if what Ben said was true.</p><p>Despite Snoke's silence, Amaya and Ben had been meeting up every night to help her learn how to block him out. Each night, Ben would go back through her day, forcing her to relive everything while she desperately tried to block him...and each night, she would fail. Thankfully, Ben had seemingly decided to limit his invasion to things that had happened after she'd come to the Temple - allowing her to have some modicum of privacy.</p><p>"I have an announcement." Luke said one morning as they gathered around the library table for study session. "We will be going to Endor to deal with the poaching problem. Someone has been harvesting too many Ewoks and they're on the verge of becoming endangered."</p><p>Amaya noticed Ben and Tai exchange a look from across the table and jumped when Luke said her name.</p><p>"Amaya, you will be staying here." He said. "You still don't have your own lightsaber, and in any case, you aren't properly trained in how to use one yet."</p><p>"When are we going?" Voe asked.</p><p>"This afternoon." Luke said, "First thing after lunch."</p><p>"And you're only telling us this <em>now</em>?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Well I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Ben." Luke said, shooting his nephew an irritated look. "Did you have something else to do than be a Jedi?"</p><p>Ben's eyes hardened, "Just suggesting next time you plan ahead." He muttered, looking away.</p><p>Luke stared at him, looking very much like he'd like to snap back at him, before turning back to the others. "Well if no one else has any questions, I suggest we start the session?"</p><p>The other padawans nodded mutely, opening their books to the appropriate page. Amaya struggled to concentrate as the session began, unable to ignore Ben's strange mood swing. He'd been perfectly fine for a week straight now. They'd been getting along well since the night she'd found out about Snoke and if she hadn't known better, she would have thought he actually seemed <em>happy</em>. So why the change of mood now?</p><p>As soon as the lesson ended, Amaya fell into step next to Ben as they walked to the training room upstairs. She glanced sideways at him, trying to catch his eye. He ignored her, staring ahead.</p><p>"What's up with you?" Amaya asked under her breath.</p><p>Ben finally looked at her, "What are you talking about?" He snapped and Amaya rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Way to prove my point." She replied, flashing him a smile that only made him more irritated.</p><p>"Ben seriously." Amaya said after a moment, nudging him gently. "What's going on?"</p><p>"Who said anything is going on?" Ben growled under his breath and Amaya sighed.</p><p>"Excited about Endor?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.</p><p>He shot her a withering look, not even bothering to reply and Amaya shook her head, falling into silence. They reached the training room and Amaya immediately picked up her usual wooden training stick, turning to Ben.</p><p>"It's your turn to teach me today." She said warily.</p><p>"I know." Ben said without looking at her, and Amaya frowned.</p><p>"Did...<em>he</em> say something?" Amaya asked under her breath as they walked to the far corner of the room to practice.</p><p>"Amaya let it go." Ben snapped and Amaya groaned.</p><p>Ben shot her warning look before lifting up his wooden stick and lunging towards her. She blocked him just in time, returning his attack with one of her own until they were engaged in a deadly dance - albeit a more clumsy version due to Amaya's inexperience.</p><p>
  <em>You've improved.</em>
</p><p>The voice cut through Amaya like a knife, making her stumble and nearly lose her balance.</p><p>"Pay attention!" Ben reprimanded but Amaya shook her head, taking a step away from him as she felt around in the Force for Snoke.</p><p><em>Why now? </em>Amaya asked silently as Ben stepped towards her, his expression a mixture of confusion and irritation.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Ben snapped, "Keep going."</p><p><em>Isn't it just so infuriating?</em> Snoke purred. <em>When he makes you seem like the crazy one for distrusting him? For suspecting him of hiding something?</em></p><p>Amaya looked over at Ben, Snoke's words sending a chill down her spine.</p><p>"Amaya- is it- is it..." Ben whispered, glancing over at Luke, "...<em>him</em>?"</p><p>Amaya nodded mutely, watching as Ben's face paled even further.</p><p><em>And just look at how honest you are. </em>Snoke said, making Amaya close her eyes as she struggled to contain her anger. She pushed it down, realizing it wasn't entirely directed towards Snoke.</p><p><em>If you're not going to tell me what he's hiding then I have no interest in talking to you. </em>Amaya snapped, picking up her stick and gesturing to Ben that she'd like to continue.</p><p><em>Perhaps if you told me what you want to know...I could oblige you.</em> Snoke sneered and Amaya lost her footing, allowing Ben's stick to hit her arm. The offer was tempting...she could find out if he'd really done something to Luke to get her admitted into the Academy. She could find out what was troubling him now.</p><p>"What are you <em>doing</em>!?" Ben cried, immediately pulling back his stick and coming to inspect her arm. Amaya looked at Ben, feeling the concern emanating from him and decided she had to pick a side.</p><p><em>I don't want to know anything. </em>Amaya snapped.<em> Just get out of my head.</em></p><p>Snoke was silent for a beat before responding. <em>As you wish.</em></p><p>Amaya felt his presence in her mind disappear and she looked back up to see Ben staring at her, his face white as a sheet.</p><p>"What did he say?" Ben asked but Amaya merely shook her head.</p><p>"Nothing important." She replied, picking up her stick to continue.</p><p>"What happened to sharing everything he says?" Ben asked and Amaya resisted the urge to laugh out loud at the hypocrisy.</p><p>"That's rich, coming from you." Amaya muttered, causing Ben's eyes to widen and then harden.</p><p>"I thought you understood why I didn't want to tell you everything we talk about." Ben snapped, increasing the speed of his attacks.</p><p>"Well then you should also understand why I don't want to tell <em>you</em> everything we talk about either." Amaya replied and Ben fell silent, the darkness she was coming to associate with his bad moods rolling off of him in waves.</p><p>Amaya gritted her teeth as she realized Snoke had gotten to her after all. He'd made her angry, just like he'd undoubtedly wanted to. And yet there was nothing she could do to stop the feelings of resentment from coming. Of course she had a right to be annoyed when Ben purposefully withheld potentially important information. Of course she had a right to distrust him when he had never been fully honest with her. And Snoke knew that...he'd <em>used</em> that. Amaya looked up at Ben, realizing the real danger Snoke posed was that he was able to use the truth to get to people. He didn't even have to lie.</p><p>Luke's voice rang out across the training room, signaling the end of practice and Amaya immediately turned to walk back over to the other padawans, ignoring Ben completely. She was glad he'd be gone this afternoon. It would give her some time to think. She felt like a cog in a machine she couldn't control and, although she knew Ben was also in the same position as her, she wasn't entirely sure how separable he was from the machine itself.</p><p>"Alright, I want everyone to go get changed and eat a quick lunch. We should be all ready to go and gathered in the courtyard by 12:30. This is a diplomatic mission so it should, if all goes well, be peaceful." Luke said, as the padawans gathered together. "Still, I want us to be prepared for anything."</p><p>"Amaya, I'm leaving you in charge of the level ones. They need to be in bed by 10:30 if we're not back before then. Other than that, I think you already know the drill, correct?"</p><p>Amaya nodded wordlessly, unable to believe any diplomatic mission could take longer than 10 hours. Chances were they'd be back by dinner, she thought to herself.</p><hr/><p>Ben pushed the food around on his plate, so sick to his stomach he thought he would throw up if he was forced to take another bite. Snoke's words rang in the back of his mind, repeating themselves over and over.</p><p>
  <em>It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap.</em>
</p><p>Ben pushed his plate away, unable to kid himself any longer. He wouldn't be eating until after this was all over.</p><p>"That's all you're going to eat?" Tai asked, his brow furrowing with a concern that made Ben feel even worse. <em>If only he knew</em>.</p><p>"I'm not hungry." Ben said, shaking his head. "I feel sick."</p><p>"If you're sick then don't come." Voe piped up and Ben felt his anger for her rise, blocking out some of the nausea. Wouldn't she just <em>love</em> to exclude him from the mission.</p><p>"No." Ben almost snapped. "I'm fine."</p><p>Ben looked over at Amaya without meaning to, their eyes making contact. She was staring at him with the same look of mingled concern and suspicion she'd given him when she'd pressed him for information after the study session. Ben immediately looked away, focusing his gaze on his uneaten food.</p><p>What had Snoke told her? Surely he hadn't told her Ben knew their mission was a trap. Surely if Snoke had done that, Amaya would have said something or even ran to warn Luke. But if he hadn't told her about their mission...then what <em>had</em> he told her?</p><p>Ben nearly jumped when Voe stood up, suggesting they go. He watched in silence as Amaya said her goodbyes to the others, giving them all hugs one by one. He turned away, expecting she would not want to say goodbye to him after their borderline fight earlier. To his surprise, he felt a hand land on his arm.</p><p>"Ben." Amaya said, putting her arms around him before he even knew what was happening. "Be safe."</p><p>Ben felt a jolt of fear run through him at her words. <em>Did</em> she know? "It's just a diplomatic mission. It's not dangerous." He said as he pulled away, searching her face for any sign she was aware of what they were walking into. Finding none, he willed himself to relax. She didn't know.</p><p>"Still." Amaya said, stepping away, almost awkwardly.</p><p>Ben looked away, suddenly both self-conscious and even more nauseous than before. He was grateful when Voe led the way out of the mess hall and they parted ways with Amaya. He pushed down the guilt, trying to pretend it didn't exist. What would they gain from him telling them they were walking into a trap anyway? It would still be a trap even if the others knew about it. After all, Ben didn't know what <em>exactly</em> the Knights of Ren would be doing. Snoke had merely told him they'd be there waiting for them. And besides, Ben reminded himself, <em>he</em> knew it was a trap. He could protect the others.</p><p><em>You could tell them. </em>Snoke said, breaking through his internal monologue. <em>But you would be punished for doing so. Your so-called Master would disown you at last and for what? For being honest. You see, Ben, you can't win. Luke will hate you whether you're loyal to him or not. So why bother? He'll never respect you...why should you even bother protecting him?</em></p><p><em>He's my uncle. </em>Ben ground back.</p><p><em>Why should that change anything? </em>Snoke asked. <em>When have your blood relatives ever been there for you?</em></p><p>Ben tried to suppress the jolt of pain Snoke's words sent through him, but he couldn't bring himself to disagree.</p><p><em>Family makes you weak, Ben.</em> Snoke continued. <em>They pretend to love you but when you need them they disappear. They expect you to give up everything for them and give you nothing in return. They're anchors that drag you down. Keep you from reaching your full potential.</em></p><p><em>What about Tai, Hennix and Voe? </em>Ben asked. <em>Don't they deserve to know what they're walking into?</em></p><p>Snoke scoffed, laughing darkly. <em>Voe hates you. What makes you think she'd jeopardize her future to warn you of a danger if the situations were reversed? As for Hennix and Tai...if they're really your friends, they would understand why you didn't tell them. They wouldn't want you to risk getting expelled from the Academy. And Luke would expel you...I know him. The moment he gets even the slightest hint I'm still in your head, he'll cut you out.</em></p><p>"Ben, you're flying." Luke said, breaking Ben out of his internal conversation with Snoke. They were approaching the hangar now. "You go with Tai. Voe and Hennix, you'll be with me."</p><p>"Can I fly?" Voe asked immediately and Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She just couldn't handle having a lesser role than him.</p><p>Ben heard Luke politely tell Voe no as he and Tai climbed into the nearest ship, closing the doors behind them. Tai sighed as he settled into his seat, looking over at Ben.</p><p>"How long do you bet this will take?" Tai asked, "I'm betting we'll be back within the hour."</p><p>Ben shook his head, starting the ship and pulling out of the hangar. "Negotiations can take days, if not weeks or months."</p><p>"But we're not negotiating with them are we?" Tai asked. "Your mother said we're supposed to enforce the law because the Republic won't. That's it."</p><p>"Yes but how do you think we're going to make them listen?" Ben replied, his voice clipped. "It's not like Master Luke will let us use force unless it's in self-defence. That means we have to use words and that could mean negotiations."</p><p>"I don't see what there is to negotiate about." Tai said. "They're breaking the law. They have to stop or they get arrested."</p><p>"Yes but the Republic isn't going to arrest them, they have bigger issues on their hands." Ben said, jumping to lightspeed as they cleared the atmosphere of the planet.</p><p>Tai fell silent and Ben was privately glad. He was definitely not in the mood for conversation. Thankfully, the rest of the trip passed in relative silence. As they entered the atmosphere of Endor, Ben felt the knot that had been growing in his stomach tighten painfully. This was it.</p><p>They landed in a small clearing next to Luke, Voe and Hennix's ship and jumped out onto the soft mossy ground below. Ben looked around himself, reaching out through the Force for anything unusual. He clenched his fists to stop them from shaking. <em>Calm down</em>, he reprimanded himself.</p><p>"Leia said there's a central harvesting facility about an hour northwest from here." Luke said, leading the way into the trees.</p><p>The padawans followed and Ben resisted the urge to pull out his lightsaber, his hand grazing the top of the hilt in anticipation. He walked in silence, listening carefully to every sound the forest made and probing the Force. There was nothing. No sign of any other Force users. No sign of any other living beings at all aside from the birds that flitted from tree to tree.</p><p>After what felt like forever, a clearing appeared through the trees, revealing a small brown building. Luke looked back at the padawans, grinning, before entering the clearing. Ben looked up at the harvesting facility, looking around anxiously for any sign of its operators.</p><p>"Shouldn't there be workers here?" Ben asked, coming up beside Luke.</p><p>"They might be inside." Luke said, walking up to the nearest door. To Ben's surprise, it was unlocked. Luke opened the door, holding it open for the padawans to follow him inside.</p><p>The inside of the facility was deadly quiet and Ben felt his stomach flip nervously. It was <em>too</em> quiet.</p><p>"Where is everyone?" Voe asked, frowning.</p><p>Luke immediately shushed her, his expression suddenly wary. "Something isn't-"</p><p>"Behind you!" Ben screamed as a masked figure clad in black dropped from the upper balcony, landing behind Luke with his red lightsaber drawn.</p><p>Luke spun around, lighting his own lightsaber just in time to block the Knight of Ren's attack. The other padawans spun around, forming a circle as three other Knights of Ren dropped from the balcony.</p><p>Ben engaged the nearest one in a dual, his blue lightsaber blocking the Knight's red lightsaber at every turn. Despite Luke's constant critique of the Knights' fighting style - or lack thereof - Ben found himself in a more than even match. Every time he thought he was about to get the upper hand, the Knight would find a way to even the playing field and force him a step further away from the others.</p><p>"The famous Ben Solo." The Knight sneered as soon as their fight had taken them out of earshot of the others. "What a pleasure to finally meet you."</p><p>"My apologies." Ben snapped, in between attacks, "I don't think I've ever heard of you."</p><p>"Unfortunate." The Knight sneered. "I know so much about you. Like how you knew we'd be here and conveniently kept this information from your friends over there. You see it's things like that that make me wonder whose side you're really on."</p><p>"What do you want from us?" Ben asked. "Why the ambush? Have the Knights of Ren really sunk so low as to be involved in the Ewok fur trade?"</p><p>The Knight laughed, "You're hilarious, Ben Solo. Hilarious."</p><p>"Answer the question." Ben snapped, his anger fueling his attacks and giving him an edge.</p><p>"Many reasons. I won't bore you with the details." The Knight sneered, "However, I personally have my own reason for being here. Would you like to hear it?"</p><p>"I'm not sure your personal motivation matters-"</p><p>"Amaya Fall." The Knight said, causing Ben to nearly lose his footing.</p><p>"What?" He snapped, an icy sensation creeping down his spine as he struggled to regain control of the fight.</p><p>"I hear you and her have become quite good friends." The Knight sneered.</p><p>"What do you want with her?" Ben snarled, a sudden feeling of protectiveness overwhelming him. He would not let Amaya fall into the hands of the Knights of Ren.</p><p>"I want to meet her." The Knight said, and Ben frowned, sure this was some kind of trick.</p><p>"Why?" He asked.</p><p>"She's my sister." The Knight said, truly throwing Ben off his game this time around.</p><p>The Knight took advantage of his moment of disorientation to gain the upper hand and knock Ben to the floor, pointing his lightsaber at Ben's neck. Ben stared up at the masked Knight in a state of shock. He realized suddenly that they were alone in the room, the others having taken their fights elsewhere.</p><p>"She never mentioned me." The Knight said, an edge to his voice that made Ben stare at him in surprise. He sounded almost...bitter.</p><p>"How do I know you're not lying?" Ben asked.</p><p>The Knight looked up, realizing as well that they were alone. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a golden locket, before turning off his lightsaber. Ben clambered to his feet, staring at the gold trinket in the Knight's hands. The Knight reached out, depositing the locket into Ben's hand.</p><p>"My name is Ancai Morava." He said. "Give her this."</p><p>Ben opened the locket, finding two photos glued to the inside. One was of a young woman who looked very much like Amaya and the other was of a young man with dark hair and a sharp jawline. Ben looked up at the Knight, closing the locket and pocketing it. The Knight's expression was hidden under his mask and Ben felt a flash of envy. If only he too could hide his expressions under a mask life would be so much easier.</p><p>The sound of an explosion from the other room jolted Ben out of his trance and he gave the Knight a curt nod before running off towards the sound of the explosion. The smell of smoke and burning things suffocated Ben as he entered the room, looking around anxiously for any sign of his friends or uncle.</p><p>"Anyone here!?" Ben called out, pushing through the debris. He doubled over coughing as the smoke got to him.</p><p>"Ben!?" Voe called out. "I'm stuck!"</p><p>"Where are you?" Ben cried, pushing through the smoke towards the sound of her voice. At last he spotted the outline of her body, covered in white dust. He ran towards her, pulling the broken tiles and pieces of metal off her.</p><p>"Can you stand?" He asked, attempting to pull her to her feet.</p><p>"I th-think so." Voe stammered as she struggled to her feet, leaning on Ben for support.</p><p>"Okay, come on. We need to get out of here." Ben said. "Where are the others?"</p><p>"I d-don't k-know." Voe managed to make out in between gasps of pain as she hobbled along clinging to Ben's shoulder.</p><p>"Okay well let's get you back to the ships and then I'll go find them." Ben said, fear starting to tighten in his chest. How would they walk back an hour with Voe in this condition? What if the others were injured as well? What if they were-</p><p>Ben shut down his train of thoughts before they could reach their conclusion and forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Get Voe out of the building. Reach the ships. Find the others.</p><p>The light from the clearing outside shone through a door in front of them and Ben sped up. Suddenly, a feeling of panic gripped him and he reached out to the Force, feeling it hum around him.</p><p>"Go." He whispered to Voe, pushing her towards the door. "Get out."</p><p>Without his support, she stumbled, barely able to walk and Ben felt the Force thrum around him - a last warning. "GO!" Ben screamed, using the Force to push Voe the extra couple meters to the door as an ear-splitting crack resounded, sending the entire building up in smoke.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Trapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"What happened?" Amaya asked frantically, grabbing onto Tai's arm as Luke and the doctor closed the door on her and the other padawans.</p><p>"There was an explosion." Voe replied, her hands shaking. "He pushed me out of the way and got caught in it. I don't know how he knew it was going to happen. Jedi premonition I guess...I probably would be dead right now if it weren't for him."</p><p>"It's okay, we're all fine." Hennix said, helping Voe limp along as her eyes began to water. "You're okay. Ben's going to be okay. We're all okay."</p><p>Amaya exchanged a look with Tai before looking back at the closed down, listening to the sounds of beeps and hurried footsteps inside the room. She thought back to her last conversation with Ben, regret washing over her. What if he died? What if her last conversation with him was a fight?</p><p>The door opened suddenly, interrupting Amaya's dark musings, and Luke came out, his expression drawn.</p><p>"He's alright." Luke said. "He's still unconscious, but the doctor said he'll come around soon enough. They've got him in the bacta tanks for now."</p><p>"What happened?" Amaya asked. "I thought this was supposed to be a diplomatic mission?"</p><p>"So did I." Luke said, letting out a long sigh.</p><p>Amaya frowned, looking at the other padawans for a better explanation.</p><p>"We were ambushed by a group of Dark Side Force users called the Knights of Ren." Hennix explained. "They knew we were coming."</p><p>"Who are the Knights of Ren?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"A bunch of untrained rogues." Luke muttered, his voice laden with a degree of disgust Amaya had never heard in it before.</p><p>"What do they want with the Jedi Order?" Amaya pressed and Luke sighed.</p><p>"Honestly?" He said. "I think they just like causing destruction for the fun of it." He said, leaving Amaya more confused than ever as he walked away.</p><hr/><p>Ben felt like he'd been run over by a ship...and from what little he remembered up until the point at which he had blacked out, it seemed that something just as bad had happened to him. Honestly, it was a miracle he wasn't dead.</p><p>Ben looked up as the door to the hospital ward opened and Luke entered, a half smile filing his face. "You're awake." He remarked, taking a seat on the chair next to Ben's bed.</p><p>Ben attempted to sit up further but found it hurt to move and gave up. "How long was I out?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Almost 24 hours." Luke said. "We were getting a bit worried actually."</p><p>Ben shoved down the part of him that leapt at the prospect of his uncle being worried about him, immediately changing the topic. "How did we get back here? Where are the others? Are they-"</p><p>"They're fine." Luke said nodding. "Voe has a broken leg and a mild concussion but other than that she's fine. The others managed to escape with nothing more than a few scratches and bruises."</p><p>Ben felt a weight lift off his chest. They were fine. His betrayal hadn't cost any of them their lives. It could have been so much worse...</p><p>"I contacted your mother last night." Luke continued, "She's going to try to stop by on her way to some negotiations in the Outer Rim. She's also initiated a full-scale investigation into the ambush we fell into. She's worried someone from the Senate is behind this."</p><p>Ben nodded, trying to ignore the way his stomach twisted with guilt at Luke's words.</p><p>"And dad?" He asked.</p><p>"So far Leia and I have been unable to get into contact with him." Luke said with a sigh. "We'll try again tomorrow. You know how he is."</p><p>Ben made no reply, pushing away the resentment that rose inside him. His father was never where he was supposed to be. He'd disappear for weeks at a time without a word and then reappear, smiling and laughing, like nothing had happened and no amount of scolding from his mother was ever able to stop him from doing the same again.</p><p>"For now though." Luke said, standing up and smiling. "I think there are some people who are very eager to come see you."</p><p>Ben felt his chest tighten as Luke walked over to the door, opening it to reveal his fellow padawans. Voe's face lit up with a large grin as soon as she made eye contact with him and she hobbled her way over to his bedside as fast as she could on her crutches. Ben smiled weakly as Voe threw her arms around him, causing him to inhale sharply from pain.</p><p>"I'm sorry!" Voe cried, pulling back immediately. "I should have been more gentle. Of course you'd be in so much pain even after the bacta tanks. You almost <em>died</em>, Ben! And it was because you were saving <em>me</em>! I don't know how to ever repay you."</p><p>Ben felt his skin crawl and swallowed thickly.</p><p>"It's okay, Voe." Ben said quietly, forcing a small smile. "You would have done the same."</p><p>Voe looked for a moment like she was going to cry despite the smile still plastered on her face and Ben braced himself for an emotional outburst when Hennix saved him by stepping in front of Voe.</p><p>"I know Skywalkers are genetically programmed to do stupid, heroic acts but you cut it close there, buddy." Hennix said, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder.</p><p>Ben forced another smile, trying to ignore the persistent voice in his mind that kept reminding him that Voe might never have even needed saving if he'd warned the others the Knights were going to be there.</p><p>"Too close." Tai agreed, and Ben found his eyes wandering past Tai to the dark-haired girl behind him who had remained silent up to this point. A memory tugged at the back of his mind. There was something about Amaya...something...</p><p>The locket.</p><p>Ben looked down, realizing for the first time that he was wearing a hospital robe. Where were his clothes? He'd put the locket in his pocket...</p><p>Noticing his eyes on her, Amaya stepped forward, meeting his eyes with a look that made his blood run cold. Suspicion lingered behind her eyes mingled with confusion and something akin to fear.</p><p>"Now that you're awake, we need to change your bandages." Amaya said. "I can do it. I have way more experience with this than I wish I had."</p><p>"I'll help." Voe said immediately but Amaya shook her head, putting a hand on the other girl's shoulder.</p><p>"You can barely walk and you didn't sleep much last night. You should rest." Amaya said. "Tomorrow when we go back to practice, you'll have to take care of Ben, so really this is your only opportunity to get some sleep."</p><p>Voe sighed, nodding. "Alright." She said, "I'll see you tomorrow then, Ben."</p><p>Ben felt a wave of relief wash over him as the other padawans moved to leave the room until he realized this meant he would be left alone with Amaya. He had the distinct impression that she had only brought up changing the bandages to get the others to leave. He eyed her warily as she closed the door behind the others, the room becoming deadly silent.</p><p>Amaya walked back to Ben's bedside and took a seat on the chair next to his bed without looking at him. Ben felt his heart race as all the possible scenarios played out in his mind. Did she know he knew about the Knights of Ren? Had Snoke told her something else? Had he told her the real reason Luke had let her into the academy?</p><p>Amaya fiddled with her pocket and understanding flooded Ben's mind. She pulled out the locket, holding it up for Ben to see.</p><p>"Where did you get this?" She asked, her dark eyes boring into his with such intensity that Ben wanted to look away.</p><p>"Where did <em>you</em> find that?" He asked in return, watching as a flash of annoyance passed behind Amaya's eyes.</p><p>"In<em> your</em> pocket." She almost snapped. "Why was it in <em>your</em> pocket, Ben?"</p><p>Ben sighed, pushing himself up further despite the pain it caused. "Amaya, do you have a brother?"</p><p>The colour drained from Amaya's face before her eyes hardened. "Yes. Why do you ask?"</p><p>"I met him." Ben said, silently apologizing for the effect his words seemed to be having on her. "Yesterday."</p><p>"On Endor?" Amaya asked, confusion written plainly on her face. "Why? How?"</p><p>"He was one of the people who ambushed us." Ben said. "He was a Knight of Ren."</p><p>At this, Amaya stood up suddenly, the locket clattering to the ground. She didn't even bother to pick it up as she stared at Ben, a look of horror on her face.</p><p>"I take it you didn't know." Ben said.</p><p>"Didn't know!?" Amaya exclaimed. "I didn't even know he was Force-sensitive. I didn't even know he had left Alfazine. I didn't even know the Knights of Ren existed before yesterday!"</p><p>"What <em>did</em> you know?" Ben asked, at a loss as to how to comfort her or calm her down.</p><p>"Last I heard he was a spoiled brat living off the cheap labour of better people in the palace my father built while the rest of the country starved to death." Amaya snarled quietly.</p><p>Ben's eyes flew open. Now he was the one who was confused.</p><p>"Your father lives in a palace?" He asked, prompting Amaya to wrinkle her nose in disgust.</p><p>"He's a member of the High Council of our kingdom." Amaya said, shaking her head.</p><p>"You never told me this." Ben said, almost offended he knew so little about this girl he'd thought he was becoming friends with.</p><p>"Because it doesn't matter." Amaya said savagely. "He's my father by blood and that is all. He means nothing to me."</p><p>Something Snoke had said about blood ties meaning nothing rang in the back of Ben's mind and he nodded.</p><p>"Have you ever met him?" Ben asked, suddenly curious about her background.</p><p>Amaya shook her head. "Never." She said. "I've never met my brother either. Are you <em>sure</em> it was him you saw on Endor?"</p><p>"He said his name was Ancai Morava and he gave me that locket." Ben said. "What do you think?"</p><p>Amaya bent to pick up the locket and took a seat again, opening it. She stared at the photographs inside, looking conflicted.</p><p>"His name is Ancai Morava." Amaya said, reaching into her pocket a second time. This time she drew out another small locket and handed it to Ben. He opened it, finding two photos inside. One was of a little girl and one was of a little boy - both with hair so dark it was practically black.</p><p>"My mother always wore this around her neck. She never took it off. Not even to sleep." Amaya said.</p><p>"This is you and your brother?" Ben asked, and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"Did he look like this?" She asked.</p><p>"He was masked. I couldn't see his face." Ben replied, handing the locket back to her.</p><p>Amaya nodded, falling into pensive silence.</p><p>"He wants to meet you." Ben said, watching her shoulders tense at his words.</p><p>"That's nice." She said sarcastically. "Unfortunately, I don't think I want to meet him."</p><p>"Because he's a Knight of Ren?" Ben asked.</p><p>"No. Well...yes. But mainly because I know what role he played on Alfazine. He ate cake in his palace while everyone around him struggled to survive the bombings and find enough food to make it through the week." Amaya said, shaking her head with a look of disgust on her face.</p><p>"Maybe he didn't know how to help the poor on Alfazine." Ben said and Amaya shot him a withering look.</p><p>"He was - or maybe still is, I don't know - in a position of power and he's abusing it." Amaya snapped. "There's no excuse for that. He's not stupid."</p><p>Ben felt himself wanting to say something about how things were not that black and white but stopped himself. She was clearly far too upset for this kind of argument.</p><p>"Why didn't you grow up with him and your father?" Ben asked, finally asking the question he'd been curious about for so long.</p><p>"Because my mother didn't want to be married to a member of the High Council. She hated the way the kingdom was run - the corruptness of it all. So she ran away to the only place on the planet she thought she had a chance of hiding on." Amaya explained. "She was pregnant with me at the time but didn't know it."</p><p>"She left her son behind?" Ben asked, something about this troubling him deeply.</p><p>Amaya nodded. "She wasn't about to take a child on the run with her. He wasn't more than 5 at the time."</p><p>"So she just abandoned him?" Ben asked, shaking his head as he felt anger within him rise on behalf of the boy.</p><p>"She left him with my father." Amaya said. "She knew he'd be safe there."</p><p>"Yes but because of her, he grew up without a mother." Ben snapped. "And for what? Because she didn't like living a pampered life? Isn't it more selfish to run away from your obligations to your family than to live a wealthy life?"</p><p>"You don't know what it was like for her." Amaya snapped back. "She didn't love my father. She was forced to marry him when she was just a teenager. She didn't even <em>want</em> children."</p><p>"Oh yes poor her." Ben sneered. "Children are such burdens."</p><p>"Well they can be!" Amaya cried, "Especially when you're 16 and you want to have a normal life."</p><p>"That still doesn't mean she should abandon her son." Ben snarled and Amaya sighed, leaning back in her chair.</p><p>They fell into a heavy silence for a moment as Ben stared at the wall opposite his bed, fury coursing through his veins. No wonder Ancai had turned to the Dark Side - he'd been abandoned by his own mother. Mothers were supposed to stay with their sons and love them. Not march off to whatever corner of the galaxy struck their fancy and leave their son all alone.</p><p>"How are we supposed to meet?" Amaya asked after a moment, pulling Ben out of his dark ruminations.</p><p>"What?" He asked, still half distracted by his own thoughts.</p><p>"If I were to meet Ancai. Where and when and how would I do it?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Ben sighed, realizing Amaya was not going to like the answer. "Snoke can arrange it for you." He said, cringing at the look of horrified realization that filled Amaya's face.</p><p>"The Knights of Ren...do they- are they-" She stuttered.</p><p>"They work for Snoke." Ben said, nodding.</p><p>"So that's how Ancai knew I was here." Amaya exclaimed, "Snoke told him. Snoke knew he was my brother because he's been snooping around in my brain for weeks..."</p><p>"Probably." Ben agreed, nodding. "I don't see how else he would have found out."</p><p>"Wait but if Snoke controls the Knights of Ren then did <em>he</em> order the ambush yesterday!?" Amaya asked, her intelligent mind putting together far too many pieces far too quickly for Ben's comfort.</p><p>"I don't know." Ben said, shrugging as he tried desperately to push down the fear he now felt. "They could have just chosen to ambush us of their own free will. I don't think that Snoke controls their <em>every</em> move."</p><p>"But then how did they know you were going to Endor?" Amaya asked. "This plan was made literally hours before you went on the mission. It was so last minute. What if they found out because Snoke told them and Snoke knew because he read it in <em>our minds</em>?"</p><p>This wasn't good.</p><p>Ben clenched his fists to stop his hands from shaking. He had to find a way to calm her down and get her off the right track and he had to do it <em>fast</em>.</p><p>"Luke just said before you came in that my mother is conducting an investigation in the Senate to see whether any of the people in her circle betrayed us." Ben said quickly. "Chances are, it was someone from the Senate who was in contact with my mother the morning before we went to Endor."</p><p>"Yes but Snoke must have known. He literally spoke to me that morning after the mission had been announced." Amaya said, shaking her head. "Also, what was even the point of the ambush? Snoke would never want to kill you and from what the others told me it doesn't sound like the Knights of Ren even had any objective in ambushing you. The only meaningful thing that happened during the entire encounter was that my brother gave you this locket. What if that was the reason for the ambush? So that Ancai could talk to you."</p><p>Ben stared at her, caught off guard. She could very well be right. The attack had seemed meaningless. The Knights of Ren had no prior business on Endor that he was aware of. And Ancai had purposefully chosen to fight Ben, drawn him away from the others, and then stopped the fight to give him the locket.</p><p>"Maybe." Ben muttered. "Maybe you're right."</p><p>"You know what this means right?" Amaya breathed, starting to pace up and down the room with anxiety. "This means we're security threats. Whatever we know, Snoke knows."</p><p>"Well not necess-"</p><p>"Yes, necessarily." Amaya snapped, turning to stare at him, a dangerous glint in her dark eyes. "Don't deny it Ben. He knew you and the others were going to Endor because he read our minds. You <em>knew</em> this might be a possibility and you <em>chose</em> not to say anything."</p><p>Ben felt his stomach plummet, his mind starting to panic. "I didn't realize it was a risk." Ben said quickly. "This was supposed to be a diplomatic mission. I didn't think Snoke would have any interest in it. How was I supposed to know he was going to send the Knights?"</p><p>"Ben." Amaya said, something in the tone of her voice sending a shiver of fear down Ben's spine. She stared at him and Ben knew without a doubt that <em>she</em> knew everything.</p><p>"We need to tell Luke about Snoke." Amaya said quietly, shaking her head.</p><p>"No." Ben said quickly. "Amaya, we've been over this."</p><p>Amaya continued to shake her head, her face drawn. "I didn't realize. I guess I was stupid or wilfully blind but it just didn't click-"</p><p>"Amaya, listen to me. You will be sent back to Alfazine-" Ben began, pushing himself up despite the pain it caused him.</p><p>"It's not about me!" Amaya cried suddenly, her apparent resolve to remain calm shattering. "And it's not about you! Stop being selfish Ben, we are endangering them <em>all</em> by keeping this a secret!"</p><p>"You don't think I know that?" Ben shot back, her words igniting a fire in him. "I've had to live with this since I was a child! You've had Snoke in your head for what - a little over a week? You know <em>nothing</em> about what it is like."</p><p>"I know it's wrong to endanger our friends and your uncle to protect ourselves!" Amaya snarled. "What if Voe had died yesterday? Then what? You would be just as responsible for her death as the Knights of Ren!"</p><p>Ben flinched, instinctively turning the guilt her words caused into more anger. "Yes well while you're busy being noble, why don't you tell Luke the real reason you're even here in the first place!" Ben cried and Amaya froze, some of the colour draining from her flushed face.</p><p>"Yes, that's right." Ben sneered. "Snoke made Luke have that dream. It's because of <em>Snoke</em> that Luke let you in - not because you're someone special."</p><p>Amaya stared at him, her face blank with shock as she tried to process the information. You shouldn't have told her that, a persistent voice in the back of Ben's mind insisted. You just made her even <em>more</em> inclined to tell Luke the truth, you idiot!</p><p>After a moment, Amaya turned, leaving the room before Ben could even put his thoughts back in order enough to call out her name.</p><hr/><p>Amaya was livid.</p><p>She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this angry. She marched through the hallways, heading straight towards Luke's office. If he wasn't in, she would scour the entire Academy for him. This couldn't wait.</p><p>She couldn't believe Ben. How could he put his own selfish desires in front of the lives of his friends and family? How could he justify this to himself? And then how <em>dare</em> he expect her to keep his lie?</p><p>Amaya felt her hands shake as she reached out through the Force, actually calling out to Snoke. <em>It's over. I'm done with your little games.</em></p><p>She would <em>not</em> be his pawn. Clearly she wasn't even meant to be a Jedi. She was only here to be used by Snoke for whatever sadistic purpose pleased him.</p><p><em>Your honesty never ceases to amaze me, my girl. </em>Snoke's voice replied, and Amaya froze, trying to control the anger his words evoked in her.</p><p><em>Good. </em>Snoke purred. <em>Anger is the path to the-</em></p><p><em>Dark Side, I know. </em>Amaya snapped back. <em>Do I look like I care?</em></p><p><em>You should care. </em>Snoke said. <em>You could do great things if you let me help you.</em></p><p><em>I'm not going to be doing anything but returning to Alfazine. </em>Amaya snapped. <em>Enough is enough.</em></p><p><em>I really wish you would reconsider. </em>Snoke replied. <em>Are you sure there's not something I could do to put things into perspective for you?</em></p><p><em>I'm seeing quite clearly, thank you. </em>Amaya replied coldly and Snoke laughed.</p><p><em>Well that's a shame, isn't it.</em> Snoke sneered. <em>You are very valuable.</em></p><p>Amaya shook her head in a futile attempt to clear it of Snoke, turning a corner and entering the hallway that led to Luke's office. She could see his door. Just a few more seconds and everything would be as it should be.</p><p><em>Your brother, however...he's not as valuable. </em>Snoke continued and Amaya froze.</p><p><em>Not that you care anyway.</em> Snoke sneered. <em>He's just a spoiled brat to you. You don't even want to meet him. I'm sure then, you'd have no problem if I simply disposed of him. He's becoming quite burdensome in all honesty.</em></p><p><em>This isn't funny. </em>Amaya snapped, a shiver running down her spine.</p><p><em>No, it's really not, is it? </em>Snoke agreed. <em>It's a shame really. His sister, the only one who could save him, decided she'd rather tell her Master the truth instead.</em></p><p><em>Is this a threat? </em>Amaya asked, suddenly struggling to breathe properly.</p><p><em>Of course not, my girl.</em> Snoke replied. <em>How would I be to blame if Ancai Morava were to perish in a freak accident?</em></p><p>Amaya closed her eyes, panic gripping her body as she struggled to think of a way out. She had nothing on him. She was trapped. She'd been trapped since she'd landed on this godforsaken island...she just hadn't realized it.</p><p>He's not worth it, a part of her insisted. Tell Luke the truth - the padawans here are more worthy of your protection.</p><p>Amaya ran her hands over her face as she struggled to breathe. He was her brother. Her<em> only</em> brother. There were other ways to protect Luke and the others. There had to be...</p><p>Straightening herself up, Amaya inhaled deeply, composing herself. She focused on the presence she knew belonged to Snoke, directing all the hatred she felt towards it.</p><p><em>This deal goes both ways.</em> Amaya said quietly. <em>If anything happens to Ancai...</em></p><p><em>Of course, my girl.</em> Snoke replied, and Amaya could tell from his voice that he was smiling.</p><hr/><p>Amaya sat on the grass, her knees huddled to her chest, as she let the rain soak her. She was shivering, her hair dripping with water, but she didn't care. She couldn't go back inside. She couldn't handle seeing anyone right now - knowing she'd just betrayed them to save a <em>Knight of Ren</em> of all people. Ben probably thought she'd told Luke the truth. She should of...shouldn't she? Everything she had learned about the Jedi Code so far had said that attachment was bad. But if she had told him, she would be assuring Ancai's death. Now, although the Jedi order was in danger, they were no more in danger than they'd <em>always been</em> and Snoke had never hurt them before.</p><p>Amaya closed her eyes, letting the shivers rack her body as she breathed slowly. There was only one solution. She had to find a way to block Snoke and she had to ensure Ben learned how to do it too. It was the only way to get out from under Snoke's control.</p><p>Amaya froze as she heard footsteps come up behind her. She spun around, half relieved and half annoyed to see it was Ben. He limped as he walked and Amaya scrambled to her feet. He shouldn't out of bed, let alone out in the rain with his injuries.</p><p>"What are you doing? You need to go back inside right now-" Amaya began, when Ben cut her off.</p><p>"Snoke told me what happened. I just came to say I'm sorry." Ben said, and Amaya shook her head, walking towards him.</p><p>"You shouldn't even be out of bed." Amaya muttered, grabbing his arm and pulling him in the direction of the Temple.</p><p>Ben resisted her, standing firm. "I know how you're feeling. I've felt this way all my life and I wish I could say it gets better but it doesn't. Snoke will always find a way to win."</p><p>Amaya let go of his arm, crossing her own arms instead. "So then what? Are you saying I should give up?"</p><p>Ben sighed, "Amaya-"</p><p>"No." Amaya snapped, her fury returning full force. "Why are you even here if you've given up, Ben? Why don't you just go join Snoke if you really think that's the only option? It's not like you even like it here anyway."</p><p>Ben opened his mouth to respond and then closed it again. Amaya shook her head, beginning to walk back to the Temple when he spoke.</p><p>"You want to know the truth?" Ben asked and Amaya turned back to look at him. "I think about leaving to go join Snoke <em>every single day.</em>" Ben said, an edge to his voice that Amaya had never heard before.</p><p>"Then why don't you?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Ben's eyes seemed to become brighter for a moment before he looked away. "I don't know." He said quietly.</p><p>They fell into silence for a moment, Amaya staring at Ben and Ben staring at the wet grass at his feet.</p><p>"Come back inside." Amaya said after a moment, placing a hand on his arm - more gently this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Middle Path</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>Amaya fell asleep late that night, her mind too full of dark thoughts to relax. She groaned as her alarm went off the next morning, signalling the start of a new day of training. She rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling in silence. Before long, memories of the night before came pouring back, and Amaya got up out of bed before she could dwell on them for too long.</p><p>Remembering with a pang that Ben would not be knocking on her door for breakfast this morning - or possibly any other morning for the foreseeable future, Amaya went down to breakfast alone. She sat down next to Tai, Hennix and Voe, all of whom seemed more quiet than usual.</p><p>"Did anyone bring Ben breakfast?" Amaya asked as she began to eat.</p><p>"I would have but it's hard to carry stuff with my leg the way it is." Voe said as the boys shook their heads no.</p><p>"I'll be right back then." Amaya said, standing up and leaving her own plate on the table.</p><p>She took an extra plate from the kitchen and walked towards Ben's room, unsure how to greet him after the night before. Her anger towards him had evaporated sometime during the night, leaving behind in its wake only a vague numbness tainted by concern.</p><p>"Hey." Amaya said as she entered his room, not at all surprised to see he was already awake.</p><p>Ben looked up from the book he was reading, looked surprised and somewhat confused to see her.</p><p>"I brought you breakfast." Amaya said, placing the plate on his lap as he put away his book.</p><p>"I see that." Ben said, taking hold of the plate.</p><p>"You're surprised." Amaya said pointedly.</p><p>"After last night I just assumed you hated me." Ben said, his tone light bit his eyes betraying his true feelings.</p><p>Amaya sighed, closing the door and taking a seat next to his bed. "I don't forgive you." She said, rather matter of factly, "But I'm not mad anymore, I'm just- I don't know...tired?"</p><p>Ben made no reply, so Amaya continued. "I'm also worried." Amaya said, "About you."</p><p>At this, Ben frowned, surprise registering on his face for the second time.</p><p>"Well not just about you. About all of us really. It feels like Snoke has us all dangling from strings like marionettes."</p><p>Ben still made no reply and Amaya looked over at him. "And I don't want you to leave." She said after a moment. "You would break Luke's heart if you went to join Snoke - not to mention you'd break the hearts of Tai, Voe and Hennix and your parents-"</p><p>"That's an exaggeration." Ben replied. "My dad probably wouldn't even care. My mother would probably be more concerned about her reputation than anything else and Luke would see it as a personal failure. He wouldn't care that I'm gone, he'd just see it as him losing a battle. Voe would probably be happy to see me go and Tai and Hennix would definitely get over it."</p><p>"They would all be heartbroken, Ben. You didn't see the way people reacted when you were injured. Voe <em>cried</em>." Amaya retorted.</p><p>"Probably for show." Ben sneered and Amaya stared at him, unbelieving.</p><p>"Right because it would just be so impossible for her to actually care about you." Amaya said sarcastically.</p><p>Ben shrugged. "It is impossible."</p><p>"<em>You're</em> impossible." Amaya replied, rolling her eyes.</p><p>"I know." Ben said quietly and Amaya whipped her head up to stare at him. Something about the way he easily accepted her insult disturbed her.</p><p>A knock sounded on the door, causing both Ben and Amaya to jump. The door opened a moment later, admitting a woman with grey hair tied up in a bun at the back of her head. The woman stopped, looking at Amaya in surprise.</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt." The woman said, and Amaya stood up quickly.</p><p>"You must be Amaya." The woman said, extending a hand, as she walked towards her. "Luke has told me all about you."</p><p>Amaya's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she shook the woman's hand. Luke had talked about her? "Nice to meet you." Amaya said, feeling uncomfortable with the fact that she didn't know this woman who clearly knew her.</p><p>"Oh, my apologies. I haven't introduced myself." The woman said, smiling. "You can call me Leia. I'm Ben's mother."</p><p>Understanding flooded Amaya's face as she looked back at Ben, who had been watching the exchange in silence.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" Leia asked Ben, walking over to give him a hug.</p><p>"I'm fine." Ben said shortly, and Amaya couldn't help but notice that he seemed almost uncomfortable around his mother.</p><p>"I should probably go." Amaya said, figuring she should probably give them some time alone to talk.</p><p>"Oh don't go on my account. I'm leaving in a minute anyway." Leia said.</p><p>"No, really, I need to go eat something before training starts anyway." Amaya said, edging towards the door.</p><p>"Well it was nice to meet you." Leia said, smiling warmly at her and Amaya returned the smile.</p><p>"You too." She said, her smile faltering when she glanced back over at Ben and noticed his closed-off expression.</p><p>Amaya felt a flash of concern but quickly pried her eyes away from his face and headed for the door. Whatever was wrong with his relationship with his mother...it was none of her business.</p><hr/><p>Ben felt his heart sink as Amaya closed the door behind her, leaving him alone with his mother.</p><p>"Nice girl." Leia said, taking a seat by his side.</p><p>Ben nodded wordlessly, picking up his plate of food and beginning to eat so that he wouldn't be expected to talk as much.</p><p>"Luke says you get along well with her." Leia continued, clearly trying to spark a conversation. Instead, her words only served to remind him of the words Amaya had said just moments before...<em>I don't forgive you</em>. He had ruined his relationship with her...and it had only taken a few weeks.</p><p>"Where's dad?" Ben asked, changing the subject abruptly.</p><p>Leia let out an exasperated sigh, her entire demeanour changing instantly. "Turns out he's been on Corellia this entire time. He's there visiting some old friends from his childhood and didn't think to let me or anyone else know this. He smashed his comm three days ago and didn't get it repaired until yesterday."</p><p>Ben felt annoyance course through his veins like fire. When was his father going to<em> grow up</em>? When was he going to start caring about how much worry he caused Ben and his mother? The realistic answer was probably never.</p><p>Ben jumped as a second knock on the door sounded.</p><p>"Come in!" Leia called. This time, the door opened to reveal Voe and Ben resisted the urge to sigh out loud. <em>Great</em>.</p><p>"Oh hi Leia!" Voe exclaimed, a smile breaking out across her face as she hobbled over on her crutches to greet Leia. They exchanged small talk as Ben ate his breakfast slowly, his appetite more or less nonexistent. After a few minutes, Leia announced she had to go and gave him one last hug goodbye before leaving the room.</p><p>"I just love your mom." Voe said as she walked over and took Ben's empty plate out of his hands. "Your dad's cool too. Honestly, I just love your family. They're the best."</p><p>Ben made no reply, trying to stop his true emotions from showing on his face.</p><p>It was going to be a long day.</p><hr/><p>Amaya let out a sigh of relief as she took a seat next to Tai and Hennix for the evening meditation. It had been a grueling day - less because of the actual work and more because she was just not in the right frame of mind. Try as she might, she mind kept wandering back to her brother. She didn't want to see him, she told her herself repeatedly...she was just curious. And why shouldn't she be curious? He was her brother after all. There was no harm in curiosity.</p><p>But he worked for <em>Snoke</em>, Amaya would then remind herself. How could she even consider having a relationship of any kind with someone who worked for that monster? For the man who was invading her mind and controlling her life? What if her brother's wish to meet her was some sort of trap? What if he wasn't even her brother? What if Snoke had put him up to it as part of some sort of ploy...</p><p>The possibilities were endless and so were Amaya's worries. No matter how she looked at it, Snoke held all the cards and she was left just guessing in the dark.</p><p>And then there was the matter of Ben Solo. The more she learned about his relationship with Snoke, the more she questioned whose side he was really on. She doubted <em>he</em> even knew himself. He was torn between Snoke and Luke - between the Dark and Light sides of the Force - and Amaya realized this could only go on for so long. He would have to pick a side eventually. He couldn't walk this tightrope forever.</p><p>And Snoke knew this...He thought all he had to do was wait and Ben would fall right into his arms. Amaya shivered as she realized he might very well be right.</p><p>"Hey," Voe said, laying a hand on Amaya's shoulder and jolting her from her dark reverie. "We decided this was one exercise we could do." Voe said, and Amaya turned around to see Ben standing right behind her.</p><p>"Great, come sit." Amaya said, moving over to make room for them. "How are you feeling?" Amaya asked, and Voe sighed dramatically.</p><p>"Exhausted. Honestly, I think doing nothing all day is more exhausting than training. The sheer boredom of it just sucks the life out of me." She said.</p><p>"Ben?" Amaya asked, leaning over Voe to see him better. He, too, looked exhausted but Amaya guessed it had more to do with not sleeping enough than with being bored.</p><p>"I'm fine." Ben said, and Amaya frowned, knowing he was anything but. She stared at him, her worry increasing with each second she was around him. Yes, he had lied to her and yes, he was being selfish but he was even more trapped than her. And he was terrified. Amaya realized that now.</p><p>Amaya forced herself to look away before it became awkward and tried to focus on the words coming out of Voe's mouth as she began to babble on about her shampoo problems. Amaya let out a sigh of relief when Luke announced the start of meditation and the entire room fell silent. Closing her eyes, Amaya reached out to the Force, letting its comforting presence wash over her like a warm bath. She let it flow around her like water, soothing her nerves and calming her.</p><p>Feeling better, she began to reach out more, feeling the Force signatures of the other padawans around her. They were all different colours, filling her mind with a beautiful tapestry. But there was darkness there too and Amaya went towards, seeking it out. She felt Ben's Force signature come into focus. It was surrounded by more darkness than usual and Amaya felt herself shiver.</p><p><em>Ben. </em>Amaya thought, sending the word out through the Force like she did when she spoke to Snoke and hoping it reached him. She felt his surprise ripple through the Force and smiled.</p><p><em>Amaya? </em>He thought back, disbelief plain in his voice.</p><p><em>This is actually working.</em> Amaya thought in amazement. <em>I can't believe it's working.</em></p><p><em>How are you doing this? </em>Ben asked, and Amaya shook her head before realizing he couldn't see her.</p><p><em>I don't know but this must be how Snoke does it. Only he's more powerful so he can actually access our minds. </em>Amaya thought, feeling the darkness around Ben thicken.</p><p><em>We need to learn how to fight back. </em>Amaya continued. <em>If we can get inside his mind and block him from getting inside ours-</em></p><p>
  <em>Amaya, Snoke is a powerful Dark side Force user. He has spent decades perfecting his skills. You need to manage your expectations-</em>
</p><p><em>We're going to try. </em>Amaya said firmly. <em>It's the only way we can get out from under his control.</em></p><p><em>Oh</em> we<em> are going to try, are we? </em>Ben sneered, suddenly irritated. <em>Do I get a say in this or have you already decided for me?</em></p><p>Amaya sighed, trying to control the frustration she felt rising. <em>Fine. I am going to try. You can do what you want.</em></p><p>Ben made no reply, but Amaya felt the darkness around him tighten.</p><p><em>How was your day? </em>Amaya asked, and Ben hesitated before answering.</p><p><em>Fine. You?</em> He replied and Amaya sighed.</p><p><em>Terrible. </em>She said, and Ben made no reply.</p><p><em>How was your visit with your mom? </em>Amaya asked and once again she felt the darkness tighten around him.</p><p><em>Amaya, can we just enjoy the meditation in silence? </em>Ben asked sharply and Amaya recoiled mentally before she remembered this was a classic Ben move. Snap at the person asking questions you don't want to answer and they'll be too offended to keep pressing to find out the truth.</p><p>Still, Amaya fell silent, her mind drifting back towards the worries that had plagued her all day. She wondered, not for the first time, if her brother was surrounded by a cloud of darkness even thicker than the one currently enveloping Ben. What had caused it? Was there a way to dispel it? Could Snoke have been the cause?</p><p><em>I'm sorry. </em>Ben said, his mental voice sounding so tired and defeated that Amaya felt her annoyance dissipate. <em>I'm just not in the mood to talk right now.</em></p><p><em>It's okay. </em>Amaya said.</p><p>Ben was silent for a moment, the darkness around him shifting and growing. <em>I knew the Knights of Ren were going to ambush us. </em>Ben said, his voice hollow, and Amaya felt her chest constrict painfully. She had guessed as much, but hearing it confirmed was still shocking.</p><p><em>I figured.</em> Amaya replied, unsure what else she was supposed to say. He'd made a choice and that was that. She wasn't going to tell him he was wrong - he already knew that. She wasn't going to tell him it was okay either - it wasn't.</p><p>Before either of them could think of anything else to say, the meditation ended and Amaya opened her eyes, blinking in the light from the room. She looked over at Ben, their eyes meeting for a moment before Voe moved to get up, breaking their eye-contact.</p><p>Amaya clambered to her feet, feeling almost stunned. Too much had happened in the past few days for her to process. She needed some time alone to think.</p><p>"Amaya..." Ben said, laying a hand on her arm before she had even realized he was next to her. She jumped, turning to face him.</p><p>"Aren't you going to say anything?" Ben asked and Amaya immediately pulled away.</p><p>"I need time to think." Amaya said, backing away slowly. "I just- I just need to process this first."</p><p>Ben swallowed, looking so lost Amaya suddenly had the urge to hug him and tell him it was all okay. Only it wasn't okay. <em>Nothing</em> was okay and Amaya was not about to pretend it was.</p><p>Before she could do or say anything she'd regret, Amaya turned on her heel and left the room as quickly as her legs could carry her.</p><hr/><p>Amaya closed and locked the door to her room before collapsing on her bed and, to her own surprise, bursting into tears.</p><p>She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. Maybe it had been after the bombing. Maybe after her mother died. It was all a blur. All a terrible, nightmarish blur. Her life had been terrible for so long, Amaya didn't understand why she was crying now.</p><p>Still, she cried and cried until she lost track of time. She cried for her mother - who died without ever truly feeling free. She cried for her brother and her father and because she longed for them even though she knew she shouldn't. She cried for the people she knew on Alfazine - for the people starving to death and dying in war. She cried for Ben and for Luke and for all the padawans who didn't know they were in danger. And she cried for herself - because she was alone in the galaxy and because despite everything she'd gone through, she was still as trapped as she'd been on the island she grew up on.</p><p>And all throughout, she expected Snoke to break through her mind and talk to her. This would be the perfect time to taunt her. She was vulnerable and an easy target...and yet her mind remained quiet and entirely her own.</p><p>When she finally ran out of tears, Amaya lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling in silence with Ben's words ringing through her mind. <em>She left her son behind? </em>He had a point, Amaya realized now that her defensiveness had abated somewhat. Her mother had abandoned her brother with a man she would have rather died than stayed with. And now Amaya was rejecting him too.</p><p>Amaya rolled over, pulling out the lockets of her family and opening them up, side by side. She stared at the photos. They'd never once been all together - nor would they ever be. But maybe they didn't all have to be alone either...</p><p>Standing up, Amaya wiped the remnants of her tears from her face and pulled her hair out of its bun, running a comb through it. She left her room, walking to the stairwell before descending to the main level and taking a right turn. She stopped in front of the hospital ward, hesitating for a moment, before pushing the door open and entering.</p><p>Ben looked up as she entered, a look of surprise mingled with apprehension on his face. Amaya closed the door behind her softly before walking straight over to his bed and bending down to wrap her arms around him.</p><p>"Amaya...what...?" Ben mumbled before Amaya pulled back and took a seat next to his bed.</p><p>"I've come to a decision." Amaya said and Ben stared back at her in confusion.</p><p>"What decision?" He asked, almost looking afraid of the answer.</p><p>"I'm going to meet my brother." She said, watching as Ben's eyebrows shot up.</p><p>"What made you change your mind?" Ben asked and Amaya sighed, unsure how to properly articulate the thoughts that had been percolating in her mind for hours now.</p><p>"If Jedi really practiced universal compassion, they would love and value everyone equally...no matter how flawed." Amaya said and Ben frowned, looking even more confused.</p><p>"Well they do, don't they? Or they are supposed to, anyway." Ben replied.</p><p>"Exactly." Amaya said. "They are supposed to...but they don't. I would be very surprised if Luke had any love for Snoke, for example."</p><p>"All Jedi are imperfect...but we already knew that. What's your point?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Practicing universal compassion means you love - and I obviously don't mean personal love...I mean the Jedi kind of love...the universal kind - it means you love those who use the Dark side of the Force just as much as those who use the Light side of the Force." Amaya said.</p><p>"Is this why you're going to meet your brother?" Ben asked.</p><p>"Well yes, but it's more than that." She continued. "I'm not convinced the Dark side is all that bad when it's in balance with the Light side."</p><p>At this, Ben sat up straighter. "What are you saying?"</p><p>"The Jedi are supposed to practice non-attachment. Rejecting an entire side of the Force seems an awfully lot like being attached to the Light side." Amaya said and Ben fell silent, his face deep in thought.</p><p>"Think about it." Amaya said. "If Jedi are supposed to love everything and be attached to nothing - how can they condemn half the Force? It must exist for a reason and I don't think anger and fear and attachment to other people is necessarily always a bad thing..."</p><p>"So then, if you're right," Ben said, his eyes boring into hers, "the only way to practice the Light side of the Force is to..."</p><p>"Accept the Dark." Amaya finished for him, nodding. "I think so. The Force isn't meant to be divided."</p><p>Ben stared at her, at a loss for words, and so Amaya took the opportunity to keep going.</p><p>"I'm going to use both sides of the Force." Amaya said. "Like my mother did."</p><p>"Luke won't allow it." Ben said immediately but Amaya rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I'll just add it to the list of things I'm not being honest with him about." She said, watching as a look of guilt filled Ben's face.</p><p>"About that..." Amaya continued. "I forgive you." She said, giving him a small smile.</p><p>Apparently this was too much for Ben and Amaya watched as his eyes started to water. Without thinking, Amaya stood up and wrapped her arms around him for the second time that night, breathing in his familiar scent. She couldn't tell if he was crying or not but she didn't want to let go. She felt safe and for the first time in <em>years</em>, she didn't feel alone.</p><hr/><p>Amaya left Ben's room late that night. They'd stayed up until close to 2 am talking about anything and everything and somehow, despite how wrong everything was, Amaya left feeling happier than she'd felt in a long time. She tiptoed back to her own room and got ready for bed, already missing Ben's company.</p><p>It was so strange, Amaya realized, for her to <em>miss</em> anyone. After her mother had died, she'd refused to let herself get too attached to anyone. Although she'd definitely loved the friends she'd made at the orphanage and in the rebel base she'd lived in, she'd never felt like she needed them. They were pleasant company and she cared about them...but they weren't family. Only her mother had been family and now she was dead.</p><p>But the longer Amaya spent around Ben, the more she wanted to stay close to him. When she wasn't around him, she found her thoughts straying back to him...and nothing he did seemed to make her feelings go away. She couldn't even stay <em>mad</em> at him.</p><p>Amaya sighed, crawling into bed in the dark. She lay awake, replaying parts of her conversation with Ben in her mind and smiling to herself. However, as her thoughts began to wander, her mind returned to her brother and so Amaya closed her eyes, reaching out through the Force.</p><p>
  <em>Snoke?</em>
</p><p>Her call was answered by silence and Amaya reached out further, probing the Force for any sign of him. Remembering how it had worked during her meditation session, Amaya let herself melt into the Force, feeling the Force signatures of all the padawans in the Temple swirl around her. She smiled, comforted by their familiar feeling, before expanding her reach. She felt the Force signatures of the animals and the trees, the rocks, and the ocean beyond it. She reached further, feeling the hum of the city she had visited with Ben on her third day on the planet come into focus. It was full of life and Amaya's mind was immediately assaulted with a cacophony of feelings and sensations. She reached out further, expanding beyond the city to see what lay beyond. Wilderness, interspersed with more cities and towns, came into focus and Amaya pulled back, feeling the entirety of it all at once. As she pulled back, the individual Force signatures became blurred together and instead, a larger picture of an entire continent emerged like a map in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Amaya.</em>
</p><p>Snoke's voice broke her concentration and Amaya's eyes flew open as she remembered where she was. On the island, in the Temple, in her bed.</p><p><em>Hi.</em> Amaya replied, still trying to recover from the intense Force experience she'd just had.</p><p><em>You called for me. </em>Snoke said. <em>What is it you want?</em></p><p>Amaya nodded, putting her thoughts in order. <em>Shouldn't you already know that? </em>She asked.</p><p><em>My girl, I don't spend all day reading your thoughts. I could find out if I wanted to but it would be simpler for you to just tell me. </em>Snoke replied, and Amaya frowned. He sounded almost...tired.</p><p><em>I want to meet my brother.</em> Amaya said. <em>Can you arrange it?</em></p><p>Snoke was silent for a moment before replying. <em>Of course.</em></p><p><em>When? </em>Amaya asked.</p><p><em>Whenever I get around to it. </em>Snoke replied almost irritably. <em>Now I suggest you go to bed.</em></p><p>Amaya frowned, sitting up. Had Snoke really just told her to go to bed? Something was different about him tonight. He didn't want to talk to her; that much was clear. He wasn't taunting her or trying to mess with her head...he was trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible.</p><p><em>What's wrong with you? </em>Amaya asked, unable to contain her curiosity.</p><p>She felt a flash of anger come from him - confirming her suspicions.</p><p><em>Your insolence never ceases to amaze me. </em>Snoke sneered coldly.</p><p>Amaya felt him begin to retreat and she reached out with the Force, trying to grab onto him if that were even possible. She felt Snoke's shock through the Force and tightened her grip. She clenched her fists as she tried to maintain contact with him as he moved ever farther away from her until at last, she lost her grip and Snoke slipped away out of her reach. Panting from the effort, Amaya opened her eyes and stared blankly at the wall in front of her, a feeling of triumph coursing through her veins. One day she'd be able to reach him no matter how far the distance. One day, she'd break into his mind the way he'd broken into hers...and then she would be free.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Caves of Ilum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Voe asked Ben as he walked into the training room for the first time since the accident. It had been over a week since they'd been injured and while Ben had been more severely injured than Voe, his injuries had healed faster. Broken bones tended to take longer to heal than other injuries and Voe hadn't been placed in a bacta tank like Ben had after the explosion.</p><p>"Of course." Ben replied. Of course she was jealous he got to return to training before she did.</p><p>"Okay, because I just don't want to see you get injured-"</p><p>"I'm fine, Voe." Ben interrupted with a sigh. "Thank you."</p><p>"Amaya!" Voe cried, catching sight of her out of the corner of her eye. Ben felt relief wash over him as Voe turned to Amaya, her face breaking into a grin.</p><p>Amaya stared back in confusion and Ben almost smiled at the look on her face.</p><p>"I heard Master Luke is finally taking you to Ilum to get your lightsaber." Voe said excitedly. "When's it going to be? Did he say whether we can come? I mean, we should be able to, right?"</p><p>"Tomorrow, actually." Amaya said, a look of genuine happiness spreading across her face as she said so. Ben smiled in response, subconsciously happy because she was happy. "And I certainly hope you can come. I really don't know what I'd talk to Master Luke about for the entire trip."</p><p>Voe laughed, responding with some joke, but Ben wasn't listening. His mind clouded over, a chill running through him as he remembered his own visit to Ilum. He'd only been 10 years old and the dark, coldness of the crystal cave had terrified him. However, that had been nothing compared to what he'd seen. Every fear or insecurity he'd ever had had been laid bare and he'd been forced to watch as nightmarish scenes played out in front of him. The cave knew his every thought and emotion and it had played them back for him in the most cruel way possible.</p><p>"Want to duel?" Tai asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. "I might stand a chance now at beating you seeing as you've been out of practice for a week."</p><p>Ben forced himself to focus on his friend in front of him and rolled his eyes. "We'll see about that."</p><hr/><p>Amaya felt her heart leap as the giant snow-covered planet of Ilum came into view outside the ship. She looked over at Ben, flashing him a grin, before returning her attention to the approaching planet.</p><p>"So what are the final bets?" Hennix asked. "I bet green, Voe, you also bet green right?"</p><p>"Absolutely." Voe said. "Tai?"</p><p>"Blue." Tai said, prompting Voe to shake her head.</p><p>"There's no way." Voe said. "You're going down."</p><p>"Do I get to bet too?" Amaya asked, turning back to face the other padawans.</p><p>"No." Hennix and Voe said in unison, causing Amaya to laugh.</p><p>"Ben?" Hennix asked. "What's your bet?"</p><p>Ben hesitated, looking unsure. "Come on, man, everyone's got to bet." Hennix pushed.</p><p>"Purple." Ben said at last, drawing looks of surprise from everyone, including Amaya.</p><p>"Does purple even <em>exist</em>?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"It's rare but yes." Tai said.</p><p>"Why purple?" Hennix asked. "That is the least likely outcome, statistically-speaking. Why would you bet on <em>that</em>?"</p><p>Ben shrugged, half smirking, "Never tell me the odds."</p><p>"It's your funeral." Hennix replied.</p><p>The ship shook violently as they entered the atmosphere. Amaya turned back to the window, watching in awe as snowflakes floated past the ship as it approached the ground. She stared out across the snowy expanse, her stomach bubbling with excitement.</p><p>"Wait...Amaya have you ever seen snow before?" Hennix asked and Amaya turned to grin at him.</p><p>"Nope." She said, "Honestly, I'm more excited about the snow than I am about the lightsaber."</p><p>Her friends laughed, unbuckling as the ship came to a stop outside of a giant cave.</p><p>"Everyone ready?" Luke asked, coming back from the cockpit to get them. "Voe, you going to be okay?"</p><p>"I'm fine." Voe said, hobbling out after him to prove that she was, in fact, capable.</p><p><em>Why purple? </em>Amaya asked Ben through the Force, capitalizing on her new skill to have a private conversation. She had been using it quite a lot lately, if she was honest. Sometimes at night, when she couldn't sleep, she'd reach out through the Force and talk to Ben in his room down the hall. He was always awake, no matter how late she reached out, and this worried her more than she let on.</p><p><em>I'll tell you after you go into the cave.</em> Ben said. <em>I don't want to influence you.</em></p><p><em>You wouldn't, but okay. </em>Amaya said, breaking off from the Force to look around herself with her own eyes. She lifted up her gloved hands, watching the snowflakes land on her palms.</p><p>"Amaya?" Luke asked, coming up to her. "Are you ready?"</p><p>Amaya pulled her attention away from the snowflakes with great difficulty and forced herself to focus on her master. "Yes, I'm ready." She said.</p><p>"Okay, come with me." Luke said, turning to walk over to the entrance of the giant cave. Amaya followed him, watching with amusement as Hennix threw a snowball at Voe, causing her to scream and shove him into a snowbank with the Force.</p><p>"Good luck." Tai said, coming to join Amaya, Ben, and Luke near the entrance to the cave. "Not that this requires any luck...but good luck anyway."</p><p>"What exactly is going to happen in there?" Amaya asked, knowing full well she wouldn't get a straight answer.</p><p>"It's different for everyone." Luke said.</p><p>"What happened for you?" Amaya asked, but Luke shook his head. He pulled out his lightsaber, showing it to Amaya.</p><p>"This is my father's lightsaber." He said. "I've never had to make my own."</p><p>"What about you?" Amaya asked Ben and Tay, but they too shook their heads.</p><p>"If you're so curious, go see for yourself." Ben said, gesturing towards the cave.</p><p>Amaya swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous as she realized this was it. Better to just get on with it.</p><p>Amaya turned towards the cave, walking slowly up to its entrance. She looked up at the icicles hanging off the roof of the cave and shivered, suddenly missing the rainy island she had complained about so much at first. She took one last look at her friends and Luke, smiling as Voe and Hennix waved at her from their place by the ship, before turning back to the cave.</p><p>Amaya walked in, following the path that led deep into the cave. The farther in it went, the darker it became until finally, no light from the outside world made it in. Amaya closed her eyes and opened them again, unable to tell a difference. She reached out for the wall, desperate for some kind of sensation in the dark, and almost screamed when a familiar voice echoed through the cave, louder than she'd ever heard it.</p><p>"I thought you weren't scared of the dark?" Snoke's voice asked, and Amaya tripped, falling into the hard wall of the cave. She climbed back onto her feet, a searing pain in her leg, and looked around herself in the darkness.</p><p>"You can't be here." She said quietly. "This is a trick."</p><p>"Oh but I am here." Snoke said, and Amaya shielded her eyes as a light appeared in the darkness, illuminating the figure of a tall man with sickly, distorted features. His skin was pale as the snow outside and so thin his face looked skeletal.</p><p>Amaya walked towards him, trying to remain calm. "Why?" She asked.</p><p>Snoke laughed and Amaya felt her skin crawl. "I'm a part of you now." He said.</p><p>"You're not." Amaya said, walking towards him until she was a foot away. She reached out a shaking hand, feeling a feeling of triumph coursing through her when her hand passed through his body.</p><p>Amaya looked up at the apparition, her jaw set. "You're not real." She said, walking through him and continuing on down the path of the cave.</p><p>Moments later, the light from the apparition disappeared and Amaya was left in total darkness once again. She wondered privately where the crystals were. If they were around her, she couldn't see them. How was she supposed to find her own?</p><p>"Amaya!" Ben's voice rang out and Amaya froze, looking back the direction she came. Had he come looking for her? Or was this another trick of the cave?</p><p>"Ben?" Amaya called back, her voice echoing around the cave.</p><p>"I'm here." Ben said and Amaya spun back around. She squinted through the dark, trying to see where his voice was coming from.</p><p>"Where?" She asked, walking towards the voice.</p><p>"Here." He said and Amaya jumped, feeling a hand on her shoulder. She spun around, reaching out through the impenetrable darkness. She felt nothing and so she reached out through the Force, realizing as she did so that he wasn't here. It was another trick.</p><p>Snoke's laughter rang out on all sides of her and Amaya spun around again as a light ignited behind her. She stared at the apparition before her, approaching it cautiously. It was Ben, but he looked older and he was dressed differently. His hair was longer and there were dark circles under his eyes, almost as if he hadn't been sleeping.</p><p>Amaya felt a shiver run down her spine as whispers started up all around her, growing louder and louder until she could pick out bits and pieces of what they were saying.</p><p>"This is your home. Don't wish away what you have. You don't know how lucky you are." She heard her mother's voice say, dredging up memories from long ago.</p><p>"Your husband wants you back. Your son wants you back." The disembodied voice of the man who'd come for her mother said, his voice echoing off the cave walls.</p><p>The whispers became even louder and Amaya covered her ears as a gun went off and her mother screamed. "Stop." Amaya begged, getting closer to the apparition of Ben for comfort.</p><p>The cave ignored her, the whispers getting louder. Amaya heard her own voice screaming before the voices of the children who died in the bombing came to drown out the sound. Amaya braced herself for the explosion that followed and the subsequent whispers of the bomb shelter and the rebel base. Having decided she'd heard enough, Amaya turned to Ben, desperate for help.</p><p>"What do I do?" Amaya asked the apparition of Ben. "How do I find the crystal?"</p><p>"The crystal's gone, Amaya. It's all gone." Ben replied, a look of regret filling his face.</p><p>"What do you mean it's gone?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Come with me." Ben said, his eyes watering and Amaya took a step towards him, her eyes widening in shocked confusion.</p><p>"What?" She breathed. "Come with you where?"</p><p>"Please." He begged.</p><p>"Where, Ben?" She asked.</p><p>Snoke's laughter rung out once more through the cave. "You thought you could keep him from me." Snoke's voice sneered. "You fail, Amaya. You fail."</p><p>Ben looked around them, as if hearing Snoke's voice. He lifted his lightsaber, igniting it, and Amaya stepped away from him in horror. Instead of its usual blue color, the lightsaber was red and came from the sides of the handle as well as the top.</p><p>Amaya shook her head. No, it wasn't true. It was a trick of the cave. This wasn't Ben and the voice wasn't Snoke. Steeling herself, Amaya walked towards Ben, passing through him and continuing deeper into the cave. After a few moments, the light behind her extinguished itself and Amaya continued walking in the pitch darkness. She walked in silence for what seemed like an eternity until a faint light appeared at the end of the tunnel. Amaya fixed her eyes on the light, watching it grow as she approached it until at last she could see it was a doorway. More specifically, <em>her</em> doorway.</p><p>Amaya felt a lump rise in her throat as she stopped in front of the door to her childhood home on Alfazine. Amaya swallowed thickly and reached out a shaking hand, turning the knob.</p><p>The light from inside was so blinding, Amaya had to put up an arm to cover her eyes while they adjusted. When she was finally able to remove her arm, she found she was inside her old kitchen. Everything was exactly as she remembered it. At the table sat her mother, holding a purple crystal in her hands.</p><p>"You made it." Her mother said as Amaya struggled to compose herself enough to respond. Seeing her mother in front of her, talking to her, for the first time in years...it made her temporarily forget that none of this was real.</p><p>"Mom." Amaya managed to say, rooted to the spot.</p><p>A look of sadness filled her mother's face and she stood up, crossing the room to approach Amaya. She was more translucent than the other apparitions had been and Amaya could almost see through her. She didn't look real...she looked like a kind of luminescent ghost.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you." She said, her eyes filling with tears. Amaya choked back tears of her own, fixing her gaze on the floor in an attempt to compose herself.</p><p>"I miss you." Amaya said at last, forcing herself to look back up at her mother.</p><p>"I know." Her mother said, "But you're not alone."</p><p>"I know." Amaya said, the tears rolling down her cheeks now.</p><p>"And your father." Her mother continued. "He isn't the monster you think he is. He loved me and he was kind to me...I just couldn't bring myself to love him back."</p><p>"And what about Ancai?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Leaving him was my biggest regret." Her mother replied. "He's a good boy. Don't judge him too quickly."</p><p>Amaya closed her eyes, trying to get a grip. She wasn't real. She was just an apparition like Snoke and Ben had been. Amaya opened her eyes once more, shaking her head.</p><p>"You're not real." She said, sadly.</p><p>Her mother smiled sadly, holding out the purple crystal. "You ventured further into the cave than most do. People think purple crystals are rare...but they're really not. Most people just don't come in far enough to find them."</p><p>Amaya took the crystal from her, feeling its weight in her hands. It was real. But if it was real then how had her mother, a mere apparition been able to pick it up?</p><p>Before Amaya could question this any further, the room around her twisted and melted like water, disappearing before her very eyes. She was sucked back into the darkness and cold of the cave, the crystal still held firmly in her gloved hands.</p><p>When the world stopped spinning, Amaya looked around herself, realizing the darkness wasn't quite as dark as it had been before. She could see the vague outline of the crystal in her hands and her body cast a dark shadow on the wall. She was clearly near some source of light.</p><p>Walking towards what she thought to be the source of the light, Amaya found her surroundings getting brighter and brighter until at last she could see the entrance to the cave, far in the distance. How had she returned to the entrance so quickly? It felt like she'd been walking deeper into the cave for ages but she'd gotten out again within mere minutes.</p><p>"What colour is that?" Amaya heard Hennix shout, the shapes of five people blocking the light from the entrance.</p><p>Amaya felt a rush of relief at the sight of them and quickly wiped away any remaining tear stains. They didn't need to know what she had seen.</p><p>"It looks blue." Tai said.</p><p>"No way, there's no way." Voe said, sounding less and less sure the closer Amaya got.</p><p>Amaya smiled, laughing as Hennix was finally able to make out the colour of her crystal.</p><p>"It's purple!" He cried, his voice being echoed by a chorus of cries of surprise.</p><p>"How did you know?" Amaya heard Voe ask Ben, as she emerged from the cave at last.</p><p>Ben shrugged, a smile on his face as his eyes met Amaya's. Amaya's face broke out in a smile of relief as she saw him standing in front of her, looking nothing like the apparition she'd seen in the cave. Without thinking, she walked straight towards him, throwing her arms around him. He stiffened at first, surprised by her hug, but quickly wrapped his arms around her too, resting his chin on her shoulder.</p><p>Feeling the stares of the others on them, Amaya pulled back, realizing she ought to hug the other padawans so it didn't look like she liked Ben more than them. And it wasn't that she <em>did</em> like Ben more than them, Amaya reminded herself as she went around hugging the others. It was just that they were closer. They understood each other better than the others did and they shared secrets no one else knew about. Plus, she hadn't seen any of the other padawans in the cave. She'd only seen Ben and the apparition she'd seen had disturbed her enough to make her really want some sort of physical assurance that all was still as it was supposed to be.</p><p>When she'd finished with the hugs, she turned to Luke, her eyes widening as he held out a handle in which to place the crystal. Amaya took the handle and pulled off her gloves to pry it open. She placed the crystal inside and closed it again, looking up at Luke.</p><p>"Go on." Luke said. "Turn it on."</p><p>Amaya stepped back, aiming the lightsaber for the sky and ignited it, staring in awe at the purple light that shot out of the handle. It was really hers. The thought blew her away, making the whole moment feel almost surreal.</p><hr/><p>The trip back to the Temple flew by as the padawans played a game of holochess which Tai won with irritating ease. Amaya felt almost giddy with relief the whole ride back, having gotten out of the cave and returned to her life. And for once, she realized as she looked around at her friends, her life was good. Or at least, it was better than it had been in a long time. There was still, of course, the problem of Snoke...but at least she wasn't starving. She also wasn't in the middle of a war or stuck on a desert island...</p><p>And besides, she was learning how to shut out Snoke. She'd insisted they practice every night of the past week and Amaya could now successfully push Ben out of her mind for a grand total of 5 seconds. Admittedly, it wasn't much, but it was improvement. In the meantime, there was nothing to worry about as long as Luke didn't send anyone on any missions. So far, it seemed like another mission to Endor was unlikely seeing as the Knights of Ren had unintentionally solved their problem for them when they'd taken over and then blown up the Ewok factory used by the poachers.</p><p>Still, the more rational part of Amaya knew that the peace that now lay over her life was nothing more than a temporary illusion. Snoke would come for them eventually and when he did, Amaya didn't know whether she'd be ready. Even worse, she didn't know what to be ready for. Snoke wanted them to join him...but for what purpose? And what would happen if he decided they were lost causes after all and decided to just off them? He had all the cards, he just wasn't playing them, and this gave Amaya a false sense of security.</p><p><em>You want to go practice? </em>Ben asked her through the Force as they exited the ship and began walking towards the Temple.</p><p><em>Definitely. </em>Amaya thought back. <em>Also, you promised to tell me how you knew my crystal would be purple.</em></p><p><em>Purple is associated with using both sides of the Force. </em>Ben said, shooting her a knowing look out of the corner of his eye. <em>That's why it's so rare.</em></p><p><em>You don't think Master Luke is alarmed, do you? </em>Amaya asked with a frown.</p><p><em>If he is, he's hiding it well. </em>Ben replied. <em>I think he trusts you.</em></p><p>Amaya fell silent, privately wondering why Luke trusted her so much. If he knew all the things she was hiding from him, he would be shocked beyond belief.</p><p><em>You have good intentions. </em>Ben said, clearly having heard her internal thoughts. <em>Master Luke can sense that.</em></p><p><em>Yes but you do too and he still- </em>Amaya trailed off, immediately regretting the thoughts she'd sent his way. Ben's mind darkened and Amaya felt a flash of pain pass through him.</p><p><em>Who said I have good intentions?</em> Ben replied and Amaya turned to look at him, frowning in confusion. He merely raised his eyebrows in response.</p><p><em>You don't want anyone to get hurt. </em>Amaya said. <em>I think that counts as good intentions.</em></p><p><em>Yes but, as you saw last week, I do let people get hurt when it serves my purposes. </em>Ben replied, the darkness around him thickening.</p><p>Amaya sighed and turned to look at him pointedly. <em>Yes, clearly that makes you a terrible person, Ben. </em>Amaya said sarcastically. <em>You might as well run off to Snoke now because there's no hope for you anyway. Is that what you want me to say?</em></p><p>Ben flinched. <em>No. I just-</em></p><p><em>You're not perfect. </em>Amaya snapped. <em>No one is. Give yourself a break and help me get us out of this situation.</em></p><p>Amaya felt his disbelief that they would ever escape this situation through the Force and put a hand on his arm as they entered the Temple. Amaya felt a rush of warmth run through Ben at the touch and both immediately felt incredibly self-conscious. Amaya quickly removed her hand and severed the Force connection, her cheeks burning.</p><p>Amaya quickly led the way up the stairs trying, and failing miserably, to not think about what had just happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Ancai Morava</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Thanks for your comments currently_dreaming!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>Amaya lay on her bed upsides down, starting at the lightsaber in her hands. She could feel it pulsating in front of her, disrupting the Force around her. The purple light was mesmerizing; like staring into a stream of water.</p><p>Amaya jumped when a knock sounded on her door and she quickly put away her lightsaber. She grabbed her keys, opening the door to see Ben, as expected.</p><p>"You're late." She said, as they walked down to breakfast.</p><p>"I lost track of time." Ben replied and Amaya raised an eyebrow skeptically.</p><p>"Talking to someone or...?" Amaya prodded and Ben shrugged.</p><p>"Why do you care?" He asked, somewhat defensively.</p><p>"Because I don't like what he says to you." Amaya said, shaking her head. "He twists everything."</p><p>"He doesn't lie." Ben said. "Maybe he presents the perspective that's most beneficial to him but it's always a valid perspective."</p><p>Amaya stopped walking suddenly pointing at the stairwell in front of them. "I could tell you that stairs have caused the deaths of millions of people across the galaxy and it would be true. I could then tell you that since Master Luke installed a stairwell he's willing to risk us dying from falling down the stairs. That's also technically true since it is a risk...but by framing it the way I did, it makes it <em>seem</em> as if Master Luke doesn't care about our safety because he installed stairs when<em> really</em>, the chance of us dying on these stairs is so small in comparison to the benefits of having multiple stories in this building that Master Luke's intention was not to risk our lives but to help us."</p><p>"That's what Snoke does." Amaya said, continuing down the stairs.</p><p>Ben followed her in silence and Amaya could tell he was thinking about what she'd said.</p><p><em>You really do think you're clever, don't you. </em>Snoke's voice rang in Amaya's ear and she involuntarily gripped the railing tighter.</p><p>"Speak of the devil." Amaya said to Ben and his eyes widened.</p><p><em>Where have you been? </em>Amaya asked. <em>You haven't spoken to me in days. </em><em>Are you getting bored of tormenting me?</em></p><p><em>Did you miss me? </em>Snoke asked and Amaya rolled her eyes, drawing a confused look from Ben.</p><p><em>When are you going to set up the meeting? </em>Amaya asked.</p><p><em>I'm getting the feeling I'm being used.</em> Snoke mocked. <em>Here I was, thinking you were actually missing me when really-</em></p><p><em>Answer the question, Snoke. </em>Amaya said with a sigh.</p><p><em>You hurt me, Amaya.</em> Snoke sneered and Amaya closed her eyes, trying to retain her patience.</p><p><em>How does tomorrow sound?</em> Snoke said and Amaya nearly lost her footing on the steps.</p><p><em>Where?</em> Amaya asked. <em>I can't just leave the Temple, how am I supposed to come up with an excuse with one day's notice?</em></p><p><em>Tomorrow is a rest day, or so Ben tells me.</em> Snoke pointed out. <em>Which means you have the day free. Tell your master you want to go back to Alfazine to get a few things.</em></p><p>Amaya's stomach twisted painfully. <em>Alfazine?</em></p><p><em>Of course. </em>Snoke replied. <em>Your brother wants to see where you grew up. He'll be there by 2 standard time.</em></p><p>"What's he saying?" Ben asked, noticing the expression on Amaya's face.</p><p><em>Tell him I'll be there. </em>Amaya said, putting up a finger to tell Ben to wait.</p><p><em>That's it? No thank you? </em>Snoke sneered.</p><p><em>If you didn't benefit from this somehow you wouldn't have done it so I don't think I owe you anything. </em>Amaya snapped back. <em>Now I'm entering the meal hall so I'm going to ignore you if you don't go away.</em></p><p><em>We'll talk soon. </em>Snoke said before Amaya felt his presence dissipate and she sighed in relief.</p><p>"What is it?" Ben asked under his breath as they entered the meal hall.</p><p>"I'm meeting my brother on my home island tomorrow at 2 standard." Amaya whispered back.</p><p>"How?" Ben asked. "You're a terrible pilot and you don't own a ship."</p><p>"Can you fly me?" Amaya asked, and Ben nodded.</p><p>"We'll figure it out later." He said as they approached Voe, Tai and Hennix at the usual table.</p><hr/><p>Amaya watched as they approached her home planet and felt a lump rise in her throat. She scanned the ocean, trying to gauge how far out the island was from the shore.</p><p>"To the left." Amaya told Ben. "Wait, no not that far."</p><p>"How far?" Ben asked irritably.</p><p>"There!" Amaya cried, pointing down at the water below. "That tiny speck."</p><p>"I can't see anything." Ben replied.</p><p>"Just keep going down." Amaya said, becoming more and more on edge the closer they got.</p><p>"I don't understand why you didn't just get the coordinates for this place." Ben said, annoyed. "I still don't-oh, that?"</p><p>"Yes!" Amaya cried, subconsciously gripping his chair as he lowered the ship towards the island.</p><p>"Yes, that's it." Amaya repeated, pacing now. "We found it."</p><p>"Amaya." Ben said, reaching out to grab her arm even as he flew the ship. "Sit down." He said gently.</p><p>Amaya sighed, taking a seat next to him as the ship approached the island. She could see her house now. The abandoned garden was overgrown with weeds and the stone pathway leading up to the front door was cracked and covered in moss.</p><p>Amaya felt tears prick at her eyes and her breath caught in her throat when Ben reached out, grabbing her hand this time. She looked at him in surprise, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious, but tightened her grip on his hand. It was warm and comforting and she didn't want him to take it back.</p><p>They landed on the beach outside the house, neither one speaking as the engines shut down and silence filled the ship.</p><p>"He's not here yet." Ben said, looking over at her. "It's not too late to call it off."</p><p>Amaya shook her head immediately. "No. I want to do this." She said, standing up suddenly.</p><p>She let Ben's hand slip out of hers as she walked over to the ship's door and opened it. The heat was suffocating, just as it had been when she'd left.</p><p>Amaya stepped out onto the beach, staring up at the house in front of her. It was just as she remembered aside from the extra vines that wound their way around the front of the stone house.</p><p>"You okay?" Ben asked, coming to stand next to her. He squinted his eyes as he looked up at the house, the sunlight blinding him.</p><p>"Come." Amaya said, gesturing for him to follow her. "I'll show you the inside."</p><p>Ben followed her up the path and Amaya stopped in front of the blue door. This was the second time in less than a week that she'd seen this door...it was a little bit much and yet she couldn't bring herself to turn away. She tried the handle, half expecting it to be locked. Of course, it wasn't - they'd never even had any need to install a lock - and the door opened with a screech.</p><p>Amaya felt her breath catch in her throat as she walked into the house, a flood of memories rushing back. Her and her mother's sandals were still on the rack where they'd left them and the paintings Amaya had made when she was a child were still on the walls. Amaya walked into the kitchen, freezing when she saw the state it was in. Two plates were still on the table, holding partially decomposed food. A basket of what used to be bread sat in the middle of the table, covered by a blanket, and the sink was still full of unwashed dishes.</p><p>It was as if they'd just gotten up and left one day...and of course, that was exactly what had happened.</p><p>"Amaya?" Ben asked quietly, and Amaya didn't need the Force to know what he was wondering. She'd never told him <em>how</em> her mother had died, or even how she'd left the island... She'd meant to, at some point, but it had never seemed like a good time.</p><p>The sound of an approaching ship jolted Amaya out of her reverie and she walked over to the window, watching the ship land on the beach.</p><p>"He's here." She breathed, turning back to Ben with wide eyes.</p><p>"Do you want me to stay?" Ben asked. "Should I go back to the ship?"</p><p>"Stay." Amaya said quickly, walking back over to the front door and pulling it open. She looked back at Ben, to make sure he was following, before going back out into the searing heat.</p><p>Amaya stopped on the front porch of the house, watching as a man with dark brown hair exited the ship, the hilt of a lightsaber at his side. Amaya swallowed, discreetly running her fingers along the handle of her own lightsaber. Ben inched closer to her and Amaya could feel the tension rolling off him through the Force.</p><p>The man stopped when he saw them, his face breaking into a pirate's smile. "So this is it." He said, looking around himself before turning his gaze back to Amaya and Ben. "This is where you've been hiding all these years."</p><p>Amaya swallowed, rooted to the spot and suddenly mute. She watched in terror as her brother approached.</p><p>"It's beautiful. Looks incredibly boring...but definitely beautiful." He continued.</p><p>Ancai paused, looking pointedly at Ben. "So you brought your boyfriend for protection, did you?" He sneered.</p><p>"He's not my boyfriend." Amaya snapped, finally finding her voice. "Jedi aren't allowed to-"</p><p>"Oh I know." Ancai said. "Jedi aren't allowed to love. Don't worry I'll keep your little secret."</p><p>"Jedi are allowed to love. They just can't become attached." Amaya said, taking a step towards her brother.</p><p>"Right, because one is possible without the other." Ancai replied sarcastically. "But don't worry. You're not a...how shall I say it...<em>typical</em> Jedi, are you Ben Solo?"</p><p>"And clearly, seeing as you're here, yo<em>u're</em> not a typical Knight of Ren." Ben replied scathingly as Amaya tried to maintain her cool.</p><p>Ancai raised an eyebrow. "The Knights of Ren do what they want, when they want." He said slowly. "I wanted to meet my estranged sister. So, I did."</p><p>"Why?" Amaya asked, bristling with annoyance. She walked down the steps until she was right in front of him.</p><p>Ancai looked at her, and Amaya thought she could see just the smallest hint of uncertainty beneath his smirk. "Why what?" He asked.</p><p>"Why did you want to meet me?" She snapped.</p><p>Ancai shrugged. "Why shouldn't I?" He asked.</p><p>"You don't know me." Amaya said coldly. "Just because we're related doesn't mean we're family."</p><p>"Doesn't it?" Ancai asked, and Amaya eyed him closely, examining his face. He looked like her; there was no denying it.</p><p>"No. It doesn't." Ben said, coming down the steps to stand next to Amaya.</p><p>"Speaking from experience?" Ancai sneered.</p><p>Before Ben could open his mouth to respond, Amaya lifted her hand, sending Ancai flying backwards. He landed in the sand a few metres from where he'd been standing and Amaya stared at her hand, shocked. She exchanged a look with Ben as Ancai struggled to his feet, covered in sand. She could still feel her anger coursing through her veins, so mixed with Ben's she wasn't sure where hers began and his ended. All she knew was that the man in front of her was as despicable as she'd always assumed him to be. Perhaps it had been a mistake coming here. Universal compassion may be the Jedi way, but she wasn't sure if it was <em>her</em> way.</p><p>"Give me one reason why I should listen to a thing you have to say." Amaya snarled, walking over to where her brother was dusting the sand off his clothes. "All I know about you indicates I shouldn't even be here talking to you in the first place. You grew up with <em>everything</em> but you didn't care. You let everyone else starve around you. I lived on the street because I didn't want to do the same. I could have come to you and our dad but I wanted nothing to do with either of you. I almost died in a bombing while your palace remained untouched. I ate sewer rats and got sick from dirty water while you had your fancy feasts in your fancy meal halls."</p><p>Amaya paused to breathe before continuing her rant. "But then, as if none of that was enough, you left that life to go become what? A Knight of Ren? You got bored with all the riches of Alfazine, so you thought you'd go out and pillage the rest of the galaxy too? How many people have you killed? How many lives have you ruined? You lure my friends into a trap just to get a message to me, two of them almost <em>die</em>, and then you come here and insult Ben - the very person who helped to arrange this meeting in the first place. And then after all that, you come here expecting me to what? Welcome you with open arms?"</p><p>Amaya stared at him, her face flushed with fury, and he stared back, an unreadable expression on his face. "So, I ask you again." Amaya said, more calmly this time. "Give me one reason why I should listen to a thing you have to say."</p><p>Ancai made no reply, staring past Amaya at the sea around the island. A heavy silence fell over the island and Amaya's mind wandered back to the image of her mother she'd seen in the cave. Her words came back to Amaya, cooling the anger inside her.</p><p>
  <em>He's a good boy. Don't judge him too quickly.</em>
</p><p>"I can't." Ancai said after a moment, finally meeting her eyes. "When you put it that way, there is absolutely no reason why you should listen to what I have to say."</p><p>Amaya deflated slightly, realizing she had been subconsciously hoping he'd come up with a reason. Here was her one chance to have a family again and she just couldn't find a logical reason why she shouldn't hop back on the ship with Ben and leave.</p><p>Remembering something, Amaya rummaged in her pocket, pulling out her mother's locket. She handed it to Ancai, watching as he opened it and looked down at the photos of the two of them inside.</p><p>"Mom wore it every day. She never took it off. Not even to shower or sleep." Amaya said, tears pricking at her eyes. She swallowed thickly, trying to compose herself.</p><p>A look Amaya could only describe as sadness passed over Ancai's face before he closed the locket and handed it back to her. "You look the same." He said.</p><p>Amaya frowned in confusion before realizing he was joking. "Keep it." She said, holding it back out to him. "You gave me the one of our parents, so keep this one."</p><p>Ancai shook his head and so Amaya reached out and grabbed his hand, shoving the locket into his open palm and closing his fingers around it before promptly letting go again. A look of surprise filled Ancai's face and Amaya raised an eyebrow, daring him to say something.</p><p>Instead, Ancai pocketed the locket in silence.</p><p>"Do you want to go for a walk?" Amaya asked, suddenly remembering all the questions she had wanted to ask him.</p><p>Another look of surprise filled Ancai's face and he glanced over Amaya's shoulder at Ben. "Your boyfriend looks like he's not used to this kind of heat-"</p><p>Amaya smacked him on the arm and Ancai yelped in pain. "He's not my boyfriend." She snapped and Ancai began to smirk. Amaya rolled her eyes, turning to look back at Ben. He was standing by the deck, watching the entire scene with an expression of deep distrust.</p><p>"Ben." Amaya said, walking over to him. "Do you want to go wait in the ship or the house where it's cooler?"</p><p><em>Are you sure it's safe to be alone with him? </em>Ben asked her telepathically.</p><p><em>Well you'll know if anything happens. </em>Amaya replied. Even without their newfound ability to communicate telepathically, she doubted either would be able to ignore the disturbances in the Force if either was in danger.</p><p>"Okay well then how long do you think you'll be?" Ben asked out loud.</p><p>Amaya looked back at Ancai, unsure. "I don't know. You can leave if you want to-"</p><p>"Absolutely not." Ben said quickly, his eyes hardening as he looked at Ancai.</p><p>"Okay." Amaya said, nodding. "Thank you."</p><p>Ben nodded, turning to walk back to the ship. Amaya watched him go before turning back to Ancai.</p><p>"He's so protective of you." Ancai said and Amaya resisted the urge to slap him again.</p><p>"Yes, well, you don't exactly have the best reputation." Amaya said, turning to walk along the beach.</p><p>Ancai followed her, still looking amused. Amaya, for one, didn't understand what was so funny.</p><p>"What's our dad like?" Amaya asked after a moment, blurting out the first question that had popped into her head.</p><p>Ancai snorted. "Just count yourself lucky you never had to know him." Ancai sneered. "He has to be in charge of everything. He's incredibly anal about everything - <em>nothing</em> satisfies him. He wants everything to be perfect and when it's not he throws a fit and blames anyone he can pin it on."</p><p>"Sounds charming." Amaya replied. "No wonder mom ran away."</p><p>"Apparently he was a lot more relaxed before she left actually." Ancai said. "I don't remember this but legend has it he wasn't always this psychotic. I'm not sure if I can bring myself to believe that though."</p><p>"Do you still...see him?" Amaya asked, unsure how to phrase the question.</p><p>"Oh absolutely not." Ancai said quickly. "I haven't been home in 7 years. I'm mainly just waiting for him to die so I can inherit all the money he's hoarding."</p><p>Amaya raised an eyebrow, turning to look at him. "So then what have you been doing these past 7 years?" Amaya asked. "Have you been with the Knights of Ren the entire time?"</p><p>"What is this?" Ancai sneered. "An interrogation? What about you? Where have you been and why were you eating sewer rats?"</p><p>Amaya shrugged. "I was working in an orphanage until someone dropped a bomb on it. Then I lived in a bunker for a few years. Then I joined the rebellion. They sent me off to train with Master Luke and now here I am. Your turn."</p><p>"Wait no." Ancai said, holding out a hand. "You lived in a <em>bunker</em>?"</p><p>"I was lucky I was able to find one." Amaya said. "It was better than being on the surface."</p><p>Ancai shook his head. "I didn't even know there was a war until last month. I've been ignoring this shit hole as much as possible."</p><p>"Evidently." Amaya muttered, annoyed at his lack of compassion for their shared home. "But now it's your turn." Amaya said. "What have you been doing since you left Alfazine?"</p><p>"What was mom like?" Ancai asked and Amaya gave him a pointed look.</p><p>"Answer my question first." She said. "Then I'll tell you."</p><p>Ancai snorted. "You won't like it."</p><p>"I didn't expect to." Amaya said, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Ancai laughed humorlessly. "I started out gambling because I could always win." Ancai said, "I could just <em>tell</em> through the Force whether people were lying."</p><p>Ancai smiled almost nostalgically before continuing. "There was this one woman who would always hang out around the casinos on Toros and I noticed she was watching me. She'd follow me around, pretending to talk to other people, but always watching me. I thought maybe she liked me so I bought her a drink."</p><p>"Let me guess...she didn't like you." Amaya sneered, causing Ancai to laugh.</p><p>"She'd guessed - correctly - that I was Force-sensitive. She wanted me to help her steal crystals from Ilum and sell them on the black market. So I did." Ancai said, shrugging. "It paid well and it was relatively low-risk."</p><p>"So then what happened?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"We got caught." Ancai said. "Not by the New Republic but by the Knights of Ren. They discovered we'd been stealing the crystals and making a profit off of it and so they captured our ships just as we were leaving Ilum and killed just about everyone except myself and a few others. When they found out I was Force-sensitive, they gave me an option: kill my other teammates and join the Knights of Ren or die with them. So, naturally, I chose the first option."</p><p>"Naturally." Amaya repeated sarcastically under her breath.</p><p>"Well they were going to die anyway." Ancai said with a shrug.</p><p>"So then you've just been with the Knights of Ren since then?" Amaya asked. "Doing what, exactly?"</p><p>Ancai snorted. "Wouldn't you like to know." He sneered and Amaya frowned. "I'm not about to tell a<em> Jedi</em> what we do."</p><p>"I'm not a Jedi." Amaya said. "Not yet, anyway."</p><p>Ancai rolled his eyes. "It's your turn." He said. "Tell me what it was like growing up in this fancy jail cell."</p><p>Amaya looked up at the house, gesturing for him to follow her. She hadn't even had a chance to go upstairs yet. "Mom had this house built before she ran away." Amaya said as they walked back up to the front porch. "She had everything imported and placed here, ready for her, before she left. Every month, we'd get a new shipment of supplies - mostly food but sometimes there would be toys and household items and books and stuff like that."</p><p>"I know." Ancai said as they entered the house. "That's how we found her. Someone cracked under interrogation when they were asked why their ship was taking an extra 2 days to reach their destination every month. I'm surprised she remained hidden as long as she did."</p><p>"Her brother had everyone involved terrified of being executed if they broke confidentiality." Amaya replied, watching as Ancai walked around the house, picking up photographs and putting them down again.</p><p>"Did you make all of these?" Ancai asked, looking at the framed chidlren's drawings on walls and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"Why did she frame them?" Ancai asked, an edge to his voice and Amaya shrugged.</p><p>"She thought they were cute?" She suggested disinterestedly, before turning away. Amaya walked towards the stairs, eager to see her old bedroom, when she realized Ancai wasn't following. She turned back to find him still staring at her old drawings.</p><p>"Do you want to see the upstairs?" Amaya asked.</p><p>Ancai was silent for a moment before dragging his attention away from the drawings. He made no reply, following her in silence as she walked up the stairs. Amaya felt her heart beat begin to race as she approached her room. Pushing open the door, she breathed in the familiar scent of her room that was only mildly tainted by the staleness of having been untouched for so long. Amaya felt tears threaten to spill once more and she tried desperately to compose herself. She would <em>not</em> cry in front of Ancai.</p><p>Deciding it would be best if she left the room, Amaya walked down the hallway to her mother's room. She pushed open the door to find Ancai already inside. He was looking out the window, his back to her.</p><p>The room was in a similar state to the kitchen downstairs. The bed was unmade, clothes were strewn all over the place, and the rug lay crumpled at the foot of the bed. Amaya smiled nostalgically as she tried to think of a think her mother's room <em>hadn't</em> been this messy.</p><p>Amaya walked over to the bed, taking a seat on it, as memories came flooding back. She looked over at Ancai, suddenly wanting to share every story and every memory with him. She'd always avoided talking about her time on this island...but now, she found she wanted to relive it all over again.</p><p>"Do you see how messy she was." Amaya said, half laughing, as she stood up. She walked over to Ancai, expecting him to laugh or respond with some kind of sharp-tongued comment. Instead, he turned away quickly, walking away from her and Amaya frowned in confusion.</p><p>"Ancai?" Amaya asked, but he didn't respond. He left the room and Amaya felt alarm course through her. She followed him out, nearly running to catch up with him as he descended the stairs two at a time.</p><p>"Ancai!" Amaya called out, grabbing his arm as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Where are you-"</p><p>Amaya's question died on her lips as she saw that his eyes were red and puffy, as if he'd been crying. He pulled his arm out of her grasp roughly, his face hardening.</p><p>"I'm leaving." He said, continuing towards the door.</p><p>Amaya opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again, at a loss for words. After a moment's hesitation, she followed him out of the house, watching from the porch as he walked over to his ship and opened the door. A part of her wanted to run after him and demand to know what was wrong but another part of her kept her rooted to the spot, unwilling to debase herself to that point. He was leaving her with no explanation. If he was upset about something he'd seen or she'd said well then that was what he deserved.</p><p>Still, the other part of Amaya felt her heart break and she reached out through the Force, feeling the darkness swirl around her. She found Ancai's Force signature and concentrated on it as hard as she could.</p><p><em>Write to me.</em> Amaya said, feeling his surprise and alarm at her sudden intrusion into his mind.</p><p><em>How are you- </em>Ancai thought back.</p><p><em>Just do it.</em> Amaya said, severing the connection and forcing herself to breathe as she clung to the porch railing.</p><p><em>You messed up, mom.</em> Amaya thought to herself as she watched Ancai's ship leave and Ben opened the door to their own ship, looking up at her expectantly. <em>You messed up.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Elna Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Amaya stood on the porch, rooted to the spot as Ben came up to her, his face concerned.</p><p>"What happened?" Ben asked, looking slightly unsure how to handle the situation.</p><p>"He left." Amaya said hollowly.</p><p>Ben opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again, drumming his fingers on the porch railing.</p><p>"Did he...say anything...I mean-" Ben struggled to find the right words and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>Amaya made no reply, all her attention focused inwards on controlling the storm brewing inside her.</p><p>"Amaya." Ben said more urgently this time, a note of fear in his voice. Tentatively, he reached out to put a hand on her arm and Amaya flinched, withdrawing in shock before catching herself.</p><p>Breaking out of her state of reverie, Amaya looked over at Ben, seeing and feeling the hurt her unconscious rejection had created.</p><p>"I'm sorry." She breathed, "I'm just- I just need a moment."</p><p>Ben made no reply and Amaya felt guilt swell up inside her. "He was the one who found the island." Amaya said, making the split second decision to tell him what had happened.</p><p>"Your brother?" Ben asked and Amaya nodded.</p><p>"He noticed some ships owned by my mother's family company were taking longer than usual to reach their destination. He'd been put in charge of some things within the company so he investigated further. One of the captains cracked under investigation - he probably used the Force - and told him where the island was."</p><p>"But he didn't come here himself?" Ben asked and Amaya shook her head.</p><p>"No, he sent two men." Amaya said. "Neither were Force-sensitive. He should have come himself. It would have been better."</p><p>"Then what happened?" Ben asked and Amaya hesitated. She'd never told anyone what had truly happened that day. She'd sworn she never would...but now a part of her wanted to. She didn't want to have to keep this memory to herself forever.</p><p>"Let me show you." Amaya said, taking a step towards him.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Ben asked, his eyes widening with something akin to fear as he looked at her.</p><p>"Please just do it before I change my mind." Amaya said.</p><p>Ben nodded slowly and Amaya closed her eyes as he reached out, entering her mind with ease.</p><p>
  <em>Amaya sat on the rocky outcrop behind her house, rereading the same book for the third time. It was a good one and there were still 3 days until the next shipment came and more books would be delivered. Until then, she had to decide between boredom and rereading what she had.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hearing a low hum, Amaya looked up, wondering whether her mother had started the vacuum cleaner. She folded her book in her lap as a sudden chill passed through her despite the hotness of the air. Amaya stood up, looking around herself as the Force thrummed around her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly anxious, Amaya turned to walk back to her house. The humming sound got louder as she walked and Amaya realized with a jolt of fear that it was not coming from her house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mom!" Amaya called, throwing the front door open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya heard the pounding of footsteps before her mother appeared, her hair falling out of the loose bun she had tied it up in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get inside!" She screamed, grabbing Amaya's arm roughly. "Close that door!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya felt her blood run cold and froze, unable to process what was happening. Her mother pushed past her, closing the door, before puling her towards the stairs to the basement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What's happening!?" Amaya tried to ask but her mother only pushed her to move faster. Amaya ran down the stairs to the basement as her mother closed the door behind them and shut off the light. Amaya reached out for her mother through the dark, her hand closing around her arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What's happening?" Amaya whispered frantically.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sh!" Elna Fall reprimanded, pushing her farther into the basement until they were pressed up against the back wall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya closed her eyes, reaching out through the Force. It was buzzing and humming around her in ways she'd never experienced before. There were presences on the island she'd never felt before...other life forces.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Someone's here." Amaya whispered, jumping as the ceiling shook from the sound of footsteps walking through the house above.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The footsteps paused outside the door to the basement and Amaya held her breath. After a moment, they continued, moving away from the door. Amaya heard the people begin walking up the stairs and let out her breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A long period of silence followed and Amaya began to calm down. She reached out with the Force, trying to gather whatever information she could. There were two of them and from what she could tell, they were both male. They'd come in some kind of a ship. They felt nervous but curious as they looked around the upstairs of the house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya pulled back suddenly as the footsteps started down the stairs again. This time, they stopped in front of the door to the basement and Amaya's heart stopped. She looked over at her mother, her eyes wide.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You will turn around and leave." Her mother whispered, her eyes glued to the door.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The footsteps stopped and Amaya thought for a moment the mind trick had worked until the door opened and light flooded into the basement, blinding her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They're here!" The man at the top of the stairs called to his friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before the other man could return, Amaya's mother lifted her hand, sending the first flying backward into the wall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come on." Elna hissed, grabbing Amaya's arm as she began to run up the stairs. Seeing the other man, she reached out her hand, choking him in mid-air. Amaya watched in horror as the man struggled to breathe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's enough." Amaya whispered, nudging her mother. "Let him go."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elna let the man drop to the floor, gasping for air, before turning to the other man who was trying to stand up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We mean you no harm." The man pleaded, putting his hands up in surrender as he struggled to climb to his feet. "We're here to help you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How did you find this island?" Elna breathed, taking a step closer to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's not important." The man said. "We came to take you home."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elna visibly recoiled, the color draining from her face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your husband wants you back. Your son wants you back." The man continued, taking a cautious step towards her. He turned to Amaya, his face softening further. "You have a father and a brother. You come from a good family-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't speak to her!" Elna screamed, coming in between Amaya and the man.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya looked to her left, watching the other man struggle to his feet as well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is our home." Elna continued, her cheeks becoming flushed. "You have no permission to be here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I understand this must be incredibly disorienting; however I ask that you please just give us a few-"</em>
</p><p><em>"You need to leave my house now." </em><em>Elna warned</em>. <em>"I want you out of this house and away from my daughter."</em></p><p>
  <em>"Quite frankly Miss, you're in no position to make demands-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I said OUT!" Elna screamed, the men in front of her being thrown back by the force of her hand. A gun went off as the men crashed into the nearby wall and Elna and Amaya screamed, ducking down instinctively. As the dust settled, Amaya looked around herself, seeing the hole the bullet had made in the wall behind her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya watched in horror as her mother reached out through the Force, pulling the guns the men had brought out of their hands and hovering them in the air in front of the men, the barrels of the guns pointed down at the men.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't move." Elna whispered, approaching the men slowly, her face pale. "I need you to leave now. Do you understand?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shakily, the men climbed to their feet, holding up their arms in surrender. They nodded, inching towards the door as Elna followed them, the guns still hovering in front of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya followed them in silence, watching the men climb into the ships they had arrived in and take off without another word. As soon as the sound of their ship's engines had disappeared, her mother let the guns fall to the ground with a clatter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They'll be back." Elna whispered, barely loud enough for Amaya to hear. "They know where we live now. More will come now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya felt her hands begin to shake as the weight of what this meant dawned on her. Their life on this island was over. They'd been found.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya looked up at sky in the direction the ships had gone. She too would be leaving on a ship - sooner rather than later. The thought sent currents of fear and excitement through her in equal proportions. She would finally be able to see the rest of the world. She would be able to meet other people, other races of creatures...maybe even visit other planets...<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, Amaya felt as if she'd been gifted the greatest gift life could ever have bestowed upon her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smile threatening to form on Amaya's lips faded as her mother turned around to face her. There was a look of despair on her face that Amaya had never seen before. Amaya stood perfectly still as her mother walked up to her and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. She smiled weakly, placing a hand on Amaya's cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You are the best of my life." She said quietly. "I love you. Never doubt that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya frowned, uneasiness gripping her stomach at her mother's strange behavior. "I love you too." Amaya replied wrapping her arms around her mother in an attempt to fix whatever had gone so wrong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elna Fall hugged her back tightly before quickly letting go. Amaya noticed that her eyes had become bright before she turned away to walk back to the house. Amaya let her go, looking back up at the sky where the ships had disappeared. Everything was going to change now. Everything.</em>
</p><p>Amaya forcefully stopped the memory, only to redirect Ben to another memory moments later.</p><p>
  <em>Amaya lay on the couch, sleeping. It was night now and a cool breeze blew through the open window of the living room. Amaya rolled over, a frown creasing her face as the Force around her shuddered and twisted. She began to shiver, goosebumps forming along her arms, as the room suddenly seemed to become cold. Suddenly, a feeling so wrong that Amaya could not ignore it broke through her subconscious and Amaya woke up screaming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Coming to her senses, Amaya gripped the blanket around her, shivering violently as she looked around the room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mom!?" Amaya asked, the terrible gut-wrenching feeling that something was seriously wrong filling her chest with dread.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Receiving no reply, Amaya jumped to her feet, her heart pounding and ran out of the room, searching the house for her mother. No, something told her. Her mother was not inside the house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pushing open the front door, Amaya ran down the steps, calling out to her mother. The ocean stretched out of either sides of her, dark and turbulent and cold, and for once, Amaya didn't find its presence comforting at all. Still, as if drawn by some invisible thread, Amaya walked towards the water, reaching the cliffs she had chosen as her reading spot. She looked out across the water, noticing something floating on the waves at the bottom of the cliffs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The dread that had been pooling in her stomach since she woke up magnified and Amaya felt the Force around her thrum violently. Amaya took off down the sandy side of the cliff, half running, half falling until she reached the beach below.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mom!" Amaya cried, wading into the water without thinking. She waded over to where her mother lay, floating on the ocean, her hands finding her mother's face as she fell to her knees in the water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, no, no, no, no, no." Amaya muttered, staring down at her mother's pale face and unseeing eyes. "No, please, mom, no."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amaya pulled her mother's lifeless body towards her, unable to see properly through the tears in her eyes. The Force hummed around her, cold and dark and deep as the ocean around her. It wasn't possible. She couldn't lose the one person she loved. Her only family...the only person she'd ever known.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How could her mother do this to her? How could she leave her alone in this place...all by herself? How could she abandon her like this?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly overwhelmed with betrayal, Amaya submerged herself into the water and screamed, coming back up when she started to choke on the water. She coughed and spluttered, her mind rapidly spiraling into insanity. She would lose her mind. Right here, today. Her life was over.</em>
</p><p>Amaya pulled back suddenly, unable to relive any more. As the memory faded, Amaya's eyes refocused on Ben's face in front of her. She stared at him, terror coursing through her veins. Never had she ever shown anyone else this memory. She'd never told anyone else what exactly had happened. What if it had been a mistake?</p><p>Before Amaya could say anything, Ben wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. Amaya froze, shocked, before tentatively returning the hug.</p><p>Amaya pulled back after a moment, suddenly beyond grateful that Ben was here with her and that he knew everything. She had someone to share her story with now. Someone she could trust with her secrets.</p><p>"The men came back with reinforcements a few days later." Amaya said. "I slipped a sedative into the drinks of all except one pilot and then used a Jedi mind trick to get him to fly me to the mainland. I told him to tell my father and brother what had happened...and to let them know it was their fault. You know the rest of the story."</p><p>"I'm so sorry." Ben said, the sincerity in his voice making Amaya's eyes water. He pulled her into another hug before her tears could escape.</p><hr/><p>Weeks went by and still Amaya received no letter from her brother. Snoke, for his part, had been leaving her alone for the most part, and so Amaya had decided to attempt to forget that part of her life and focus on her training. She was getting better, slowly, but still nowhere close to the levels of her fellow padawans went it came to fighting with a lightsaber. In fact, she found that, as compared to lifting rocks, mind tricks, and other mental exercises, the more physical task of wielding a lightsaber came less easily to her. Perhaps its was because it was the only thing her mother had chosen not to teach her, or perhaps, she worried, it was an innate limitation.</p><p>On the bright side, she was beginning to get good at shielding her mind from intrusion. While she was still too inexperienced to keep out Snoke, she could usually keep out Ben for at least 5 minutes at a time and she was increasing her stamina every day. According to him, she had nearly surpassed his own ability to shield his mind.</p><p>"You know what I think." Amaya said, letting herself fall onto Ben's bed in exhaustion after having successfully blocked him from her mind for over 6 minutes. "I think you don't want to learn how to shut Snoke out."</p><p>Ben's face, which had been smiling up until this point, darkened. "Whatever gave you <em>that</em> idea?"</p><p>"If I went from being completely defenseless to being able to shield my mind from you in a matter of months, there's no way you can't learn how to block him out entirely if you really put your mind to it." Amaya said, crossing her legs and pulling one of Ben's pillows into her lap. "Not with that Skywalker blood."</p><p>Amaya felt her words strike a chord and resisted the urge to calm him down. It was only when he was angry that she ever got any truth out of him. When he was calm he was far too good at keeping his true feelings hidden.</p><p>"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your skill in this area of the Force is to make up for your lack of skill with a lightsaber?" Ben replied cruelly and Amaya's eyes widened in shock.</p><p>"Ben!" She cried, smacking him on the arm. "Wow. That was low."</p><p>"Doesn't mean I'm not right though." Ben said, shrugging and Amaya resisted the urge to defend herself further. He was expertly diverting the conversation away from himself to distract her and she was not going to let him get away with it.</p><p>"Why don't you want to at least try to improve your ability to shield your mind?" Amaya asked. "How could it hurt?"</p><p>"It's a waste of time." Ben said immediately. "That's why."</p><p>"How do you know?" Amaya asked.</p><p>"Because I know!" Ben cried, finally losing his cool. "I've been dealing with this since I was a child, you don't think I would have blocked him if I could?"</p><p>"Actually that's exactly what I think." Amaya replied. "I think some part of you <em>wants</em> him to talk to you."</p><p>"And why would I want that?" Ben snapped, throwing his hands up in the air.</p><p>Amaya hesitated, certain her next words would set him off, "Well because he's someone to talk to, who knows you...and who is proud of all the things Master Luke has been trying to change about you."</p><p>Instead of yelling at her like she'd expected, Ben fell silent, and Amaya found that somehow this was worse.</p><p>"Look I'm not blaming you for wanting to-" Amaya began quickly, but Ben cut her off.</p><p>"No, you're right." He said, looking her straight in the eyes with a quiet certainty that shocked her. "I don't want to block out Snoke because he is the only person who sees me for who I am and doesn't want to change me."</p><p>Amaya frowned, "I don't want to change you." She said quickly but Ben shook his head.</p><p>"You know what I mean." He said.</p><p>"I don't." Amaya insisted but Ben merely turned away, fiddling with a piece of paper on his desk.</p><p>Amaya stood up, replacing the pillow on his bed, and quietly made her way over to him. She pulled him into a hug, feeling him relax slowly.</p><p>"Snoke doesn't care about you." She said into his shoulder. "He wants to use you. Never forget that."</p><p><em>I know. </em>Ben replied silently and Amaya smiled.</p><p>
  <em>Good.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Fair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing!</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The end of the rainy season brought with it a heat Amaya hadn't felt since she'd left Alfazine. Suddenly, training became harder, as the heat drained their energy quicker than usual. Amaya found herself falling into bed more exhausted each day than the day before as she struggled with the seemingly impossible task of catching up to her fellow padawans.</p><p>"Do you know what day it is?" Voe asked Amaya one morning as she struggled to keep herself from falling asleep at the breakfast table.</p><p>"No, why?" Amaya asked, attempting to feign interest.</p><p>"It's your four-month anniversary!" Voe replied excitedly.</p><p>Amaya frowned, "My what?"</p><p>"It's been four months since you arrived at the Temple!" Voe explained, as if it was obvious. "We need to celebrate!"</p><p>Amaya looked at Voe in surprise, "How do you even know that?"</p><p>Voe gave Amaya a strange look, "How do you <em>not</em> know that?"</p><p>"I haven't been counting." Amaya replied with a shrug.</p><p>"Well now that you know," Voe said, leaning forward across the table excitedly, "What do you want to do to celebrate?"</p><p>Amaya instinctively pulled away, taken aback by Voe's enthusiasm, "Um, well I don't-"</p><p>"Clearly you have something in mind." Ben interjected, looking pointedly at Voe, "Or you wouldn't have asked. So why don't you just spit it out."</p><p>Voe's smile dimmed as she turned to look to Ben. "I want to know what Amaya wants to do. It's<em> her</em> special day."</p><p>"I'm open to suggestions." Amaya said, looking around the table at the other padawans.</p><p>Silence fell over the table for a moment as no one responded. Ben turned to Voe, a sardonic smile on his face. "Voe?" He asked. "Any ideas?"</p><p>Voe shot him a withering look before turning back to Amaya. "Actually, if you are open to this, we could go to Tag'lik. There's an art show happening right now with artists from all over the galaxy."</p><p>"And there it is." Ben said smugly.</p><p>"Okay, what is your problem?" Voe snapped, finally losing her cool. "I'm trying to find something we can all do to celebrate Amaya's four-month anniversary at the Temple. What's the issue here?"</p><p>"I never said there was an issue." Ben replied, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Voe stared at him, anger rolling off of her in waves, until Amaya spoke, directing Voe's attention back to herself.</p><p>"I'd love to go to the art show in Tag'lik." Amaya said, in an attempt to diffuse the situation. "Will Master Luke be okay with it?"</p><p>Voe turned back to face her, forcing a smile back onto her face. "Of course. As long as it doesn't interfere with our training schedule. We can go after evening meditation tonight. Does that work for everyone?"</p><p>Hennix and Tai replied affirmatively and Voe turned to look pointedly at Ben. "Does that work for you, Ben?" Voe asked caustically.</p><p>"Of course." Ben said, forcing a fake smile before standing up to put away his empty plate.</p><p>Voe let out a low growl under her breath as she picked up her own empty plate and followed him. Amaya exchanged a bewildered look with Hennix and Tai.</p><p>"Your guess is as good as mine." Hennix said, shrugging as the three of them got up to follow Ben and Voe.</p><p>"After all these years, I've stopped trying to understand it." Tai replied.</p><p>As they reached the training course, Amaya walked over to stand next to Ben, shooting him a look out of the corner of her eye.</p><p><em>Care to explain what just happened?</em> Amaya asked silently as Tai began the obstacle course and the others lined up to wait their turn.</p><p>Ben looked down at her out of the corner of his eye. <em>Voe just wanted an excuse to go to the art show. She's wanted to go for years but no one would go with her and so this year, she decided to use you as an excuse to get us to go with her. She doesn't actually care about celebrating your four-month anniversary here. If you don't believe me, then tell me why she never even mentioned your first, second or third-month anniversaries? What's so special about four months? Nothing. She just wanted an excuse to get her way.</em></p><p>Amaya found herself looking over at Voe, a mild feeling of betrayal settling over her.</p><p><em>Don't take it personally. She does this all the time. She's manipulative.</em> Ben said, noticing the effect his words had had on her mood.</p><p><em>Maybe I should suggest we do something different then.</em> Amaya said, looking up at Ben. <em>Just to spite her.</em></p><p><em>Like what? </em>Ben asked and Amaya sighed out loud.</p><p><em>Well that's the problem. I don't know what else is going on in Tag'lik right now. </em>Amaya replied.</p><p>Ben fell silent for moment before Amaya felt his mood brighten. <em>Do you like fairs?</em></p><p><em>I don't know. I've never been to one. </em>Amaya replied.</p><p>
  <em>There's a famous one going on in Tag'lik right now. They have vendors, live music, acrobats, competitions, lots of food-</em>
</p><p><em>Let's go to that. </em>Amaya said, a smile breaking out on her face.</p><hr/><p>"Are you sure you don't want to stop by the art show for just a moment before we go to the fair?" Voe asked as they settled into the largest of the Jedi Academy's planes.</p><p>"I would love to, I'm just worried we'll miss the tightrope walkers if we do." Amaya replied. "If you or anyone else wants to go though, feel free to go. I can meet up with you later."</p><p>"No, no." Voe said, shaking her head. "This is your day, let's go to the fair."</p><p>"You can always change your mind." Amaya said, as Ben started the ship's engine and they exited the hangar.</p><p>Voe made no reply, falling into silence behind Amaya. Amaya turned back to face the front, watching the blue ocean extend below her on all sides. It looked different now that they were flying at night. Instead of sparkling in the sun, now it looked dark and bottomless.</p><p><em>I actually feel bad about this.</em> Amaya said silently to Ben.</p><p><em>Why? She used you. She deserves it. </em>Ben replied.</p><p><em>She really wants to go to the art show. </em>Amaya replied. <em>It wouldn't hurt to stop by for a short time and then go to the fair.</em></p><p>Ben sighed out loud and Amaya turned to look at him. <em>Voe really wants a lot of things. It's not our job to cater to her desires.</em></p><p><em>But if it doesn't cause us any difficulty to accommodate her then why shouldn't we? </em>Amaya shot back, feeling her words elicit a flicker of annoyance in Ben.</p><p><em>Fine. You're the one that wanted to spite her. If you've changed your mind we can go to the art show. Just let me know before we get there where I should be landing. </em>Ben replied somewhat irritably.</p><p>Amaya fell silent, staring out the window at the dark blue sea below them. <em>Just go to the fair. Hennix and Tai seemed excited about it. </em>She said after a moment.</p><p>Amaya caught Ben rolling his eyes out of the corner of her eye and sighed. They fell into silence for the rest of the ride, each lost in their own thoughts. Behind them, Hennix and Voe teamed up against Tai in a game of Dejarik that, unsurprisingly, ended up being won by Tai.</p><p>"We're here." Ben said, landing the ship in a crowded part of the city. Giant gates rose up across the road from where they had landed and, beyond the gates, Amaya could see puffs of colored smoke, a ferris wheel, and some other rides she'd never seen before.</p><p>The padawans descended from the ship, locking it before crossing the street to the fair grounds. They stopped at the entrance to pay their fares before entering. Inside, the fair grounds were packed, full of people of all different species and from all over the galaxy. Food vendors were parked in tents at every corner and in between them were vendors of jewelry, clothes, and other goods from across the galaxy. Amaya found herself overwhelmed and entirely unsure where to start. Fortunately, it seemed Voe and Hennix did not suffer from the same problem.</p><p>"You have to try this!" Voe cried, coming up beside Amaya and pulling her towards one of the food stands.</p><p>"What is it?" Amaya asked, but Voe ignored her, ordering something Amaya didn't recognize from the man behind the counter. Moments later, the man produced two cups filled with small round pastries. Voe took them both, handing one to Amaya and keeping the other for herself.</p><p>"They're called 'moon cakes'. They're a specialty of my planet." Voe said, picking up one small pastry and eating it. She closed her eyes dramatically, savoring the flavor.</p><p>Amaya picked up one and took a bite, realizing immediately why Voe loved them so much. "This is amazing." Amaya breathed.</p><p>"Isn't it!" Voe agreed.</p><p>Hearing Hennix shout excitedly, Amaya turned around to see the Quarren holding a giant plush animal he had apparently won in a dart game.</p><p>"Okay that is so not fair." Amaya said, walking over to Hennix. "Jedi should be banned from playing games like this."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Hennix asked, laughing. "I won it fair and square."</p><p>"Of course you did." Amaya replied, rolling her eyes.</p><p>"Hey!" Hennix called, and Amaya turned to see who he was talking to. A small Twi'lek child looked over at them, eyeing the stuffed toy in Hennix's arms.</p><p>"Do you want this, buddy?" Hennix asked, holding out to the plush toy to the child. The Twi'lek hesitated, seeming unsure, before cautiously approaching Hennix.</p><p>"He's scared of you." Amaya commented, amused by the scene in front of her.</p><p>"Don't be scared." Hennix said, kneeling down and holding out the stuffed animal. "I'm not scary I promise."</p><p>"He says as he lures small children towards him." Amaya whispered under her breath to Tai, who laughed.</p><p>"There you go. It's yours." Hennix said, handing the stuffed animal to the child. The little Twi'lek boy stumbled, his face completely covered by the stuffed animal that was taller than he was. The padawans watched him waddle back to his mother as fast as he could in amusement.</p><p>Leaving the dart game, the padawans made their way over to the tightrope show, watching as the acrobats performed stunts even trained Jedi would be proud of. They went to the rides next, trying out the wildest ones they could find until the scent of fried food made them wander over to a restaurant and bar.</p><p>"Have you ever tried this?" Hennix asked, holding a blue bottle up in front of Amaya as she ate the fried meat dish she had ordered.</p><p>Amaya squinted to read the label, "Pirate's Brew...?"</p><p>"Here. Try some." Hennix said, pulling a cup towards them and pouring some of the blue liquid into it. He held it out to Amaya and she sniffed it, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the smell.</p><p>"Go ahead." Hennix said, "Drink it all in one go."</p><p>Amaya brought the cup to her lips, downing the contents of the cup before she could change her mind. The alcohol burned her throat as it went down, causing her to shiver violently.</p><p>"Disgusting!" Amaya cried, shoving the cup back into Hennix's hand. Hennix laughed, pulling some more cups towards him.</p><p>"Tai? Ben?" Hennix asked, looking between the two boys.</p><p>Ben reached forward, pouring himself a drink, but Tai shook his head. "Someone needs to fly us home tonight."</p><p>"Are you drinking!?" Voe cried, coming back from the slot machine. "Master Luke is going to kill you all."</p><p>"You're assuming he's going to find out." Hennix replied with a grin.</p><p>"It's against the Jedi Code!" Voe protested.</p><p>"Not technically, no." Ben corrected her. "Lots of Jedi drink occasionally."</p><p>"And today we are celebrating." Hennix added, downing his own drink in own gulp.</p><p>Voe opened her mouth to protest and then closed it, reaching for the bottle. "Well then give me some." She snapped, pouring herself a shot.</p><p>Amaya laughed, feeling the warmth of the liquor in her stomach.</p><p>"Try this." Ben said, turning around to ask the bartender for a drink Amaya couldn't pronounce. The bartender returned moments later with a bottle of red alcohol.</p><p>Amaya held out her cup and Ben filled the cup to the brim. Amaya stared down at the bubbling liquid, swirling it around, as Ben poured some for the others.</p><p>"To Amaya!" Hennix cried, holding up his glass for the others to toast.</p><p>Amaya felt herself blush, feeling a sudden rush of affection for her fellow padawans. Putting the cup to her lips, she tasted the drink, pleasantly surprised to find it tasted amazing. It burned the way the previous drink had but this time, she had no need to shiver. It was like drinking fire.</p><p>"I love this!" She exclaimed, looking up at Ben. He grinned, filling up her glass once more.</p><p>"It's my dad's favorite." Ben replied.</p><p>"The great Han Solo has good taste." Hennix agreed, approvingly.</p><p>Music started up behind the bar and Amaya spun around, looking up at the stage.</p><p>"Let's go dance!" Voe cried.</p><p>"First we finish this." Hennix said, filling up their glasses again with the blue drink until the bottle was empty.</p><p>Leaving the bar, the padawans walked over to the stage, joining in the crowd that had gathered to listen to the music. Amaya began to feel the effects of the alcohol as she listened to the music, a sense of freedom coming over her. Never in her life had she had the luxury to attend a concert or go to a fair. She'd either been stuck on an island or too busy trying to stay alive to enjoy anything. For most of her life, the prospect of even getting off Alfazine at all had seemed a distant dream.</p><p>The longer they listened to the music, the more time seemed to lose all meaning. Between periodic trips to refill their drinks, they would dance, and Amaya found the feeling of freedom only intensify as the night went on.</p><p>"Let's get closer to the stage!" Amaya said to Ben as they returned from the bar. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand, pulling him through the crowd until they reached the stage itself. The sea of people was more dense up by the stage and Amaya found herself pressed up against Ben as they danced. Before she knew what was happening, he put his arms around her waist and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. She looked up at him, a flurry of excitement in her stomach, and grinned.</p><p>They swayed to the music, their gazes locked together. His eyes were beautiful, Amaya thought to herself. Beautiful and thoughtful and kind and...</p><p>Before Amaya knew what was happening, Ben spun her and Amaya laughed out loud. The world blurred around her as she spun, nearly falling over as she struggled to stop. Ben caught her, the warmth of his arms comforting her more than she would have been willing to admit had she been sober. Amaya held onto his arms, looking up into his smiling face. He looked so happy, Amaya thought. Why couldn't he always look this happy?</p><p><em>Because that would be neurotic. </em>Ben replied silently and Amaya's eyes widened, realizing she had accidentally projected her own thoughts into his mind.</p><p>"What's wrong with that?" Amaya asked out loud, swaying back and forth as they danced.</p><p>Instead of responding, Ben spun her again. This time, Amaya collided with him, slamming her arm into his elbow.</p><p>"I'm sorry!" Amaya cried, rubbing her arm.</p><p>"You hurt yourself, why are you apologizing?" Ben asked, looking amused.</p><p>Amaya laughed, resuming the dance and ignoring the pain in her arm.</p><p>"We are...going to..." Hennix said breathlessly, coming out of nowhere and grabbing onto Ben's shoulder. "Going to go to...the beach. Do you want to come?"</p><p>Ben looked down at Amaya. <em>Up to you.</em></p><p>A part of Amaya wanted to stay dancing with Ben forever, but the quiet voice of reason in the back of her head reminded her that it was probably best they returned to the other padawans.</p><p><em>Let's go. </em>Amaya replied silently before turning to Hennix. "We're coming."</p><p>Hennix leaned heavily on Ben's shoulder, squinting at Amaya. "If I didn't know better, I would think that sometimes you two are communicating telepathically."</p><p>"Good thing you know better then." Amaya replied with a grin, grabbing hold of Hennix's arm to pull him towards the exit.</p><p>The three half ran to where Tai and Voe were standing near the exit. Voe was swaying along with the music while Tai yawned, using the Force to catch her when she tripped over the garbage can and nearly collapsed onto the ground.</p><p>"Beach!" Voe cried as she saw them approaching. She threw an arm around Amaya's shoulder, pulling her away from the others and towards the exit. Voe pushed open the gate with the Force, nearly hitting a man trying to enter.</p><p>"You know I just want to say I'm so glad you're here." Voe said, her words slurring slightly. "I've been the only girl in the group for far too long. I love Hennix and Tai. I really do. But I'm so happy to have you here now."</p><p>"I'm happy to be here." Amaya replied, unable to ignore the fact that Voe had neglected to mention Ben in her previous statement.</p><p>"I think you're going to be a great Jedi." Voe continued, "A really great one. And I don't just mean physical ability. You're brave and smart and...<em>good</em>."</p><p>Voe stopped now, putting her hands on Amaya's shoulders and shaking her slightly. "You're a really good person. I can tell." She said, linking arms with Amaya this time and pulling her towards the entrance to the beach up ahead.</p><p>At a loss for words, Amaya mumbled thanks but Voe didn't seem to notice. She was too busy continuing her monologue.</p><p>"And I can tell the others...they feel the same way too." Voe continued, "Even Master Luke is really glad he decided to let you in..."</p><p>Voe trailed off as she stared at the water for a moment before twisting around to shout back at the three boys. "Hennix!" She screamed, "Let's go swimming!"</p><p>Letting go of Amaya's arm, Voe took off sprinting towards the water, followed closely by Hennix, who dove in after her, disappearing beneath the surface. Amaya looked around the beach, noticing Ben and Tai had decided to take a seat under a tree by the water. Amaya walked over to them, sitting down next to them.</p><p>"Do you think we should be worried?" Tai asked, looking out at the water where the two dark shapes of Voe and Hennix moved around.</p><p>"Why?" Ben asked, leaning back against the trunk of the tree.</p><p>"They're not too drunk to swim...right?" Tai asked and Ben snorted.</p><p>"Hennix is a Quarren. They'll be fine." Ben replied, closing his eyes.</p><p>"So, are you enjoying your anniversary?" Tai asked Amaya, prompting her to smile.</p><p>"Definitely." She replied. "I hope it's not been too boring for you as the only sober person."</p><p>Tai shook his head. "I don't drink. I don't like anything that obscures my senses. It makes me feel disconnected from the Force."</p><p>"You're too focused on your senses." Ben said, "You don't need them to feel the Force."</p><p>"I know but it still...I don't know...changes things." Tai replied.</p><p>The three lapsed into silence for a while, enjoying the warm night breeze. Amaya found a stick, beginning to sketch a drawing in the sand.</p><p>"I'm going to go get the ship and dock it near the beach. Voe and Hennix are not going to want to walk all the way back to the fairgrounds soaking wet." Tai said, standing up and dusting the sand off of himself.</p><p>Amaya watched him go before settling in next to Ben and leaning back against the same tree. Ben opened his eyes and looked over at her, a faint smile on his face.</p><p>"When I was a kid my parents used to take me to the beach each summer." Ben said, almost nostalgically. "We used to make these giant sandcastles that you could enter into and everything. C-3PO would always get so much sand in him he would need to be taken apart for cleaning after. That was partly my fault though, I used to pour sand over his head whenever I got the chance."</p><p>"Ben!" Amaya cried, laughing. "Poor droid."</p><p>"I was a child!" Ben said defensively. "I thought it was funny when he made weird sounds because of all the sand inside him."</p><p>Amaya laughed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "What were you like as a child?"</p><p>Ben shrugged. "Same as I am now, I guess." He said.</p><p>"What did you like doing then?" Amaya asked. "Aside from filling droids with sand."</p><p>"I liked to read...draw...go flying with my dad. He has this old, broken-down ship called the Millenium Falcon and he'd take me for rides in it. It broke down once on Tatooine and we were stranded on the planet for a whole day trying to find a new part to fix the ship. We couldn't even contact my mom because the Comm broke during the crash. When we finally got back, my mom was livid. It was months before she let me onto the Falcon again."</p><p>Ben laughed, and Amaya smiled, trying to imagine what his mother would look like angry. From what limited interaction Amaya had had with her, she did seem like the type who could be intimidating when she was upset about something.</p><p>"I hope I can meet your dad one day. Everyone seems to love him." Amaya said, and Ben's smile faded ever so slightly.</p><p>"He's great...if you can find him." Ben said. "He's always flying all over the galaxy with Chewie. I don't even know where he is right now."</p><p>Amaya made no reply, sensing the feelings of resentment and betrayal within Ben. He felt as if his father had abandoned him...perhaps even that he didn't care about him.</p><p>"You're lucky you have a relationship with him at all." Amaya said, a sudden feeling of sadness washing over her. She rarely let herself think about her own father, and usually when she did, she made a point of reminding herself she hated him. But now, with her inhibitions muted, she found herself unable and unwilling to ignore the sadness that lay underneath her anger. "I've never even met my father."</p><p>Ben looked over at her, his expression sympathetic. "You could always change that, you know."</p><p>Amaya shook her head quickly, grasping for what little resentment towards her father she could summon. "I don't want to know him."</p><p>"Just like you didn't want to know your brother and now you wake up every morning and check the mail to see if he's finally written you a letter." Ben said, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Amaya gave him a pointed look, suddenly wanting to change the topic.</p><p>"Sometimes we can't rely on family." Ben said, his face darkening slightly. "But you can rely on me."</p><p>Amaya looked over at him, feeling a rush of affection. "You can rely on me too." Amaya said, putting a hand on his arm.</p><p>To Amaya's surprise, she felt her words stir up a mix of conflicting emotions within Ben. There was sadness and anger and hurt...but also affection and gratitude and something akin to hope.</p><p>"You guys really missed out!" Voe cried as she and Hennix ran towards them soaking wet. "The water was perfect."</p><p>Amaya quickly removed her hand from Ben's arm as they approached, reigning in her thoughts.</p><p>"Where's Tai?" Hennix asked, looking around the beach.</p><p>"He went to get the ship." Amaya said, hearing the ship's engines as she spoke. The padawans looked to the right, watching Tai land the ship on the beach.</p><p>"Ready to go?" Tai called.</p><p>Amaya sighed, not wanting to leave. Ben stood up, offering her his hand, and she reluctantly let him pull her to her feet. As they settled into the ship, Amaya felt the fatigue that had been plaguing her for weeks now set in and she leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes. She sat in the back, sandwiched between Ben and a very wet Hennix, and found herself drifting off to sleep as the ship took off from the beach.</p><p>The next thing she knew, she was being shaken awake gently by Ben, whom she realized sleepily she had been sleeping on. He helped her out of the ship as Amaya tried to wake herself up enough to walk back to the Temple.</p><p>"It's going to be a rough morning tomorrow." Tai whispered as they entered the Temple.</p><p>"Not for you." Amaya muttered in response as they tiptoed through the halls and climbed the stairs to the dormitories.</p><p>Wishing the others goodnight, Ben walked with Amaya all the way to her room at the end of the hall. They stopped outside as Amaya fumbled with her key until she finally managed to open the door.</p><p>"Goodnight." Amaya said, suddenly feeling a wave of loneliness wash over her at the prospect of entering her room alone.</p><p>Ben nodded, "Goodnight." He said and Amaya thought she felt a similar feeling of loneliness from him through the Force.</p><p>The alcohol had all but worn off now and the quiet voice of reason in the back of Amaya's head was becoming louder, reminding her that she should not be feeling the way she was undoubtedly feeling. Jedi could never marry. They couldn't even have romantic relationships. This had been the law for millennia and it wasn't about to change now. Attachment was strictly forbidden...which meant that she was going to have to enter her room and close the door on Ben, both literally and metaphorically.</p><p>Sighing, Amaya entered her room and gave Ben one last smile before closing the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The Senate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing!</strong>
</p><p>"Good news, Amaya." Hennix said as he sat down at the table for lunch. "You're going to get to visit another planet."</p><p>"What? Why?" Amaya asked, looking around at the other padawans, who seemed just as perplexed as she was.</p><p>"Master Luke wants to see us all after lunch." Hennix explained. "He says we're going to the Senate. Something's happened but he wouldn't say what."</p><p>"The Senate?" Voe asked, putting down her fork. "This is serious. Ben, do <em>you</em> know what this is about?"</p><p>Ben shook his head. "Why would I?" He asked, rather tersely, and Voe sighed, turning back to Hennix.</p><p>"He didn't give any more information than that?" Voe asked Hennix, who shook his head as well.</p><p>Amaya looked across the table at Ben, watching his face carefully. Feeling her gaze, he looked up to meet her eyes.</p><p><em>What? </em>He asked silently, a flicker of annoyance coming across through his thoughts.</p><p><em>You really don't know what this is about? </em>Amaya asked, prompting Ben to narrow his eyes at her.</p><p><em>Of course not. You think my mother tells me things? </em>He replied irritably.</p><p>
  <em>Well she is your mother-</em>
</p><p><em>She doesn't trust me enough to tell me anything. </em>Ben said, cutting her off mid-thought.</p><p>Amaya frowned, refocusing her attention on his face. Ben looked away, focusing his attention on his lunch, and Amaya took the hint and did the same.</p><p>Amaya could feel the anticipation building in herself and the padawans around her as the lunch dragged on. When they finally left to go meet Luke, the Force was practically humming with it.</p><p>The padawans stopped outside Luke's office and Voe stepped forward, knocking on the door. A moment passed in silence before Luke opened the door and nodded curtly, gesturing from them to come in. The Jedi Master retreated behind his cluttered desk, visibly stressed, as the padawans filed into the small room.</p><p>"Close the door." Luke said, without looking up from the hologram device he was holding.</p><p>Amaya turned to close the door and when she looked back, a holographic image of Leia Organa was being displayed from the hologram device Luke had placed on his desk.</p><p>"There's been another attack on the New Republic outpost on Carosi XII." Leia's image began, her eyes creased with the same worry that seemed to plague Luke. "This time, New Republic forces were able to apprehend one of the attackers and bring him in for questioning. Under interrogation, he admitted to having been working for one of the Imperial holdouts in the Outer Rim. This news is, albeit concerning, not unexpected. However, that is not all he revealed. According to his story, the Imperial sympathizers in the Outer Rim have been regrouping, forging new alliances between previously divergent factions, and have managed to form an entirely new organization with similar aspirations to those of the Empire. They call themselves the First Order. Our prisoner didn't know who the leader was but he mentioned he saw Dark Side Force users that I believe may have been the Knights of Ren. If the Knights of Ren are truly involved, this makes it likely that Snoke is the mysterious leader who remains, as yet, anonymous. I haven't told Ben yet, but I-"</p><p>Luke quickly stopped the recording and Leia's image disappeared abruptly. Amaya resisted the urge to glance over at Ben, not wanting to give Luke any indication that she knew anything she shouldn't.</p><p>"Senator Organa wants us at the Senate by mid-day tomorrow. The whole situation is still being kept a secret from the Senate at large. Only Senator Organa and a few trusted colleagues know of this. She wants to be clear on what exactly it is we're dealing with before revealing anything to the public. The prisoner could have been mistaken, or lying. There's no hard evidence the Knights of Ren are involved and we don't know who is leading this new "First Order"...or even if it really exists."</p><p>Luke sighed, looking tired. "That's where you come in." He said, looking around the room. "We need you to find out what is going on and come back to Senator Organa with some concrete information she can use in the Senate."</p><p>Amaya blinked, realizing Luke had included her in this mission. Was she really ready for this? Her lightsaber skills were still far below her peers but her other abilities were nearly on par. Was that enough?</p><p>"How are we supposed to find out who's behind this?" Voe asked, her eagerness coming through in her voice.</p><p>"Senator Organa will explain everything once we reach the Senate tomorrow." Luke replied dismissively. "The situation is likely evolving as we speak. You should pack with the understanding that we might be away for a while."</p><p>"How old?" Voe asked, but Luke only shook his head.</p><p>"I have no idea." He said. "Now I've kept you long enough from your training. I'll see you later."</p><p>Luke gestured towards the door, indicating that he wanted them to leave. Amaya opened the door, leading the others out into the hall. A sort of shocked silence fell over the group for a moment as they walked towards the library.</p><p><em>Do you know what's going on? </em>Amaya asked Ben as they walked, feeling the anxiety the question caused him through the Force.</p><p><em>Can we talk about this later. </em>Ben pleaded. <em>I'll tell you everything. I promise.</em></p><p>Amaya resisted the urge to look at him, trying to keep her face expressionless. <em>So you know what this First Order is?</em></p><p><em>Later. </em>Ben replied. <em>Please.</em></p><p><em>How long have you known about this?</em> Amaya asked, the severity of the situation dawning on her. This First Order wanted to overthrow the New Republic and bring back something akin to the Empire. Snoke, likely the most powerful Force user she had ever encountered, was likely in charge of it and he was trying to recruit Ben to his side. Ben knew about this and <em>hadn't said anything. </em>Not even to her.</p><p>Suddenly, Amaya felt sick to her stomach.</p><p><em>I didn't think you needed this extra burden.</em> Ben said, and Amaya felt her temper flare.</p><p><em>This changes things, Ben! This isn't just a matter of our own safety - this is a matter of importance to the galaxy as a whole! </em>Amaya cried silently, hoping her face didn't betray the emotions she felt.</p><p><em>Even if I had told you. What would you have done? </em>Ben retorted and Amaya glared at him as they took their seats across the table from one another. Tai, Voe and Hennix began speaking about the assigned readings but Amaya blocked them out, her eyes fixed on Ben instead.</p><p><em>I would have found a way to warn Master Luke. </em>Amaya replied. <em>I don't know how, but I would have found a way.</em></p><p><em>The First Order hasn't been a threat until now. They've been too small.</em> Ben replied defensively.</p><p><em>And thanks to you now they've had a chance to grow. </em>Amaya said savagely. <em>Whose side are you on, anyway?</em></p><p>Amaya felt her words cut him through the Force and looked down, glaring at the table in front of her.</p><p>"What do you think, Amaya?" Hennix asked, pulling Amaya back to the real world.</p><p>"Oh I um-" Amaya stuttered.</p><p>"Are you okay? You seem distracted." Hennix said, looking concerned.</p><p>Amaya shook her head, letting out a sigh. "No, I'm fine. I'm just...tired."</p><p>"You know what?" Tai said, letting out a sigh of his own. "I say we put this on hold and go prepare for tomorrow. There's no point pretending as if everything is normal when we know it's not. We're ready for this mission. What we need now is some rest."</p><p>"I agree." Hennix said, shaking his head. "After tomorrow, who knows how long it will be before we get a day off."</p><p>"Then it's settled." Tai said, picking up the Jedi text and standing up. "I'm going to go pack."</p><p>Amaya looked over at Ben as he stood up but he refused to meet her eyes, choosing instead to turn away and quickly leave the room. Amaya followed the others out, waiting until they all disappeared into their own rooms before doubling back to knock on Ben's door.</p><p>"We need to talk." She said, as soon as he opened his door.</p><p>Ben sighed, stepping back to let her in. "I think you made your point quite clear back in the library." He said.</p><p>Amaya shook her head, rubbing her hands across her face. Not even sure where to start. "This can't go on forever." Amaya said at last. "How long can we live this double life? Every second we don't tell Master Luke about Snoke is another second we are betraying him and the Jedi Order and now, it turns out, the entire New Republic. I don't want my brother to die but is protecting him really worth it? He made the choice to serve Snoke. He's the <em>enemy</em>. Why am I betraying everyone else for his sake? I'm not even sure I don't hate him!"</p><p>"Okay, calm down." Ben said, placing his hands on her shoulders. "First of all, you're not betraying anyone by keeping this secret. You're not going to turn to the Dark Side and Snoke is not telling you any information that would be useful to Master Luke or my mother. Telling Master Luke about this would accomplish nothing except get you expelled."</p><p>"What about you?" Amaya snapped, shaking his hands off her shoulders. "What other information has Snoke told you about the First Order? How much more are you hiding?"</p><p>"Nothing." Ben replied sharply. "I give you permission to search my mind if you don't believe me. All I knew before today was that the First Order existed. Nothing else."</p><p>Amaya shook her head, beginning to pace. "We are going to end up in a war against the First Order. I can sense it. The Force is practically humming with it. It's like everything is building towards something. I felt this on Alfazine before the war. I <em>know</em> this feeling, Ben. I can't ignore it."</p><p>"If there's war then so be it." Ben said, and Amaya stopped to face him. "We will get through this together. We have each other. That's more than we've ever had before."</p><p>Amaya felt her heart melt at his words and felt the Darkness that had been rising inside her dissipate somewhat. All too soon, the comfort his words had brought was followed by a dark thought that sent shivers down her spine and left her insides feeling cold. What if she lost him? What if he died in the war? What if he left?</p><p><em>I'm not going anywhere. </em>Ben said silently, sensing her feelings.</p><p>Before Amaya could think twice about it, she crossed the room and hugged him. She felt his shock through the Force dissolve into affection as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.</p><hr/><p>The ship rattled and shook as it took off from the Temple's island, causing some of the luggage to fall off the shelf and onto Ben's lap. He shoved it off of himself, pushing it into the corner of the cockpit.</p><p>"Don't just leave it on the ground!" Voe complained, grabbing the bag and shoving it into one of the nearby compartments before closing it again.</p><p>Ben ignored her, looking out the window of the ship instead.</p><p><em>It's not your fault your mother doesn't trust you. </em>Snoke said, sensing his thoughts. <em>She's believed you were meant for the Dark since before you were even born. I have seen into her mind. She sensed the Darkness in you in her womb and it terrified her.</em></p><p><em>How could there be Darkness in me in the womb? </em>Ben asked. <em>I wasn't even a child yet.</em></p><p>
  <em>My boy, the Dark and the Light find you. You do not find them. They seek out those who are like them in their nature. The Force knows who you are better than you know yourself.</em>
</p><p><em>You're saying my nature is Dark?</em> Ben asked, a mess of conflicting emotions arising in him as he contemplated this possibility.</p><p><em>Ask the Force. Not me. </em>Snoke replied. <em>Listen to it. It will show you who you are meant to be.</em></p><p>Ben frowned, unsatisfied with the answer, but he could already feel Snoke slipping away. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Amaya.</p><p>"You okay?" She asked, a look of concern on her face that made him want to hug her.</p><p>"Yea." He said, "Look we're almost there."</p><p>Ben gestured out the window as Hosnian Prime came into view. He smiled as Amaya's entire face lit up as she took in the view.</p><p>"Everyone take your seats for landing!" Luke called from the pilot's seat and Amaya came around the back of Ben's seat to take the seat next to him.</p><p>Once they were inside the atmosphere, the metropolitan sprawl of Hosnian Prime stretched out below them and Ben found himself looking for familiar landmarks. If you looked closely, he thought to himself, you could see that his mother had had her mark on almost every aspect of this planet. To say she was influential would be an understatement.</p><p>The ship touched down outside the Senate and Ben looked up at the majestic building, feeling resentment fester inside him. As a child, when the New Republic Senate had been stationed on Chandrila, he'd associated the Senate with long, boring speeches he'd been forced to sit through in absolute silence. It had been the place his mother went to all day, only to come home too exhausted to do anything but go to bed. Politics had always been Leia Organa's first love and her first priority. No amount of complaining from Ben or Han could ever drag her away from it. Even before she'd sent him away, it had seemed to Ben that sometimes she forgot she had a son.</p><p>"Luke." Leia Organa said, her face lighting up in a smile as she walked out to meet them. She hugged her brother, welcoming him, before turning to the padawans behind him.</p><p>"Thank you all for coming. Please allow the droids to handle your luggage." Leia said, as droids whizzed past her towards the ship to collect the luggage. "We have rooms made up for you upstairs. You'll be shown to them later. Unfortunately, right now we're going to have to go straight to a meeting. Given the urgency of the situation, we can't afford to waste any time."</p><p>"Then let's get going." Luke agreed.</p><p>Luke and Leia began walking towards the entrance of the building, chatting quietly between themselves, and Ben felt a shard of ice pierce his heart. She hadn't even acknowledged him. She'd treated him like just another Jedi padawan. She'd hugged her brother but she'd completely ignored her own son.</p><p><em>What's wrong? </em>Amaya asked silently, coming up next to him.</p><p>Ben cursed the Force for having revealed to her his feelings. <em>Nothing. </em>He ground back.</p><p>Clearly unconvinced, Amaya bit her lip but remained silent as they entered the Senate and made their way towards a private room on the upper levels. Entering the room, the padawans filed into seats around a large round table. Already seated at the table were three Senators, all of which greeted the padawans as they sat down.</p><p>"On behalf of the Senate, I'd like to extend a heartfelt thank you for joining us today. I apologize for the short notice and appreciate how accommodating you have been." A rather plump Senator said, once everyone had been seated. "As I'm sure Senator Organa has informed you all, the New Republic may be facing a threat more severe than any since the Empire itself. From what little intelligence we have been able to gather, the First Order is an organized authoritarian government backed by a growing military power base. We are still unsure who is leading it, how widespread it has become, where it is based, and whether it is affiliated with the criminal organization of Force wielders known as the Knights of Ren."</p><p>In the center of the table, a series of holographic images began to play out as the Senator spoke. Ben felt Amaya tense beside him as images of the Knights of Ren flitted by one after the other and her brother appeared in front of them briefly before being replaced with another Knight.</p><p>"We have reason to believe there is a First Order base on Atterra Bravo that is less heavily guarded than the other more prominent ones on Kashyyyk and Dantooine." Another Senator continued. In front of her, a holographic image of Atterra Bravo appeared. The image zoomed into the planet, focusing in on a fortress built on a high hill, surrounded by deep caverns.</p><p>"The problem is the fortress is difficult to scale. Only a Jedi or a highly skilled warrior would be able to penetrate the fortress's defenses undetected."</p><p>The holographic image shifted, rotating to show a 360 degree view of the fortress. The Senator continued, explaining where the fortress's weak spots were, where the guards were located, where traps were set, and where alarms would be triggered. Ben found himself forgetting everything else as he listened to the Senator speak and analyzed the fortress. It had been so long since they'd had a mission this interesting. <em>Finally</em> he was being given the opportunity to show what he could do.</p><p>"I'm sorry to interrupt." Leia said at last, checking her watch. "But the Senate is going to convene in 5 minutes to discuss the trade dispute on Ryloth. You will all have time to review this again after dinner tonight."</p><p>The Senators stood up, thanking the padawans for their time, before filing out of the room. Only Leia remained behind. She exchanged a look with Luke, who nodded, before turning to look back at the padawans.</p><p>"Come, I'll show you where we're going to be staying for the next while." Luke said, gesturing for the padawans to follow him.</p><p>Ben moved to get up when his mother spoke, holding out a hand. "Ben, please stay. I want to talk to you about something."</p><p>Ben frowned in confusion but sat back down, watching the others file out. Once the padawans and Luke were gone, Leia closed the door behind them before coming over to sit on the chair next to him.</p><p>"We didn't even get a chance to properly say hi." Leia said, and Ben bit back the retort he wanted desperately to throw back at her. She had ignored him up until this moment. Chance had nothing to do with it.</p><p>"How are you?" Leia continued, putting a hand on his arm. "Last I saw you, you were bedridden from that explosion."</p><p>"That was a long time ago." Ben said, resisting the urge to shake her hand off of him.</p><p>"Did you get my letter?" Leia asked, sensing his discomfort and removing her hand anyway.</p><p>"Yes." Ben replied, "I forgot to respond." It was a lie.</p><p>Leia's face fell and Ben felt a twinge of guilt. However, the guilt was soon replaced by resentment as he remembered all the times he'd tried to contact his mother and she had "forgotten" to respond.</p><p>"I wanted to talk to you about this mission." Leia said at last, and Ben fought to keep his face from showing the irritation he felt. Of course this was about the mission. She wouldn't have taken time out of her busy schedule just to sit and talk. Her inquiries about his wellbeing had been nothing more than mere formalities.</p><p>"As you know, there is a great likelihood Snoke is the anonymous leader of the First Order. We are unable to locate him or any of the Knights of Ren. This fortress is likely just a base filled with stormtroopers and droids but...we don't know that for sure."</p><p>Ben made no comment, waiting for her to continue. She seemed to be hesitant to say something and this made Ben highly suspicious. His mother was never unsure about anything and she was certainly not one to mince words.</p><p>"If there's even a chance Snoke could get his hands on you...I don't want to take it." Leia said, and Ben felt his stomach turn inside out. "You're not going on this mission. It's too dangerous. If he finds you-"</p><p>"You're not serious." Ben interrupted, his shock quickly turning into fury. "You can't be serious."</p><p>"I'm dead serious." Leia replied. "I'm not going to send you into his grasp willingly. I'm not going to give him such an easy opportunity-"</p><p>"You think if he wanted to capture me right now, he couldn't?" Ben asked, disbelief plain in his voice. "Do you have any idea what he is capable of? The <em>only</em> reason he hasn't taken me all these years is because he hasn't <em>tried</em> to."</p><p>"That doesn't mean I am going to make it easy for him." Leia replied sharply.</p><p>"You're not protecting me from keeping off this mission." Ben snapped. "You're limiting me. You sent me away to become a Jedi. You can't now decide it's too dangerous. You don't get to make that call."</p><p>"You're right. I don't get to make that call. However, your Master does. And he agrees." Leia said, and Ben felt his anger double as he processed Luke's betrayal.</p><p>"This doesn't mean you can't be of use to the cause." Leia said quickly when Ben didn't respond. "I would like to have our investigator speak with you. You can relay to him any information you can remember Snoke may have given you as a child concerning the First Order or his imperial aspirations. Anything you can remember would be of value."</p><p>Ben stared at her, practically shaking his fury. "So instead of sending me on a mission like a Jedi you're going to interrogate me like you would an enemy?" Ben snarled.</p><p>"It's not an interrogation, it's an interview-" Leia protested, but Ben didn't let her finish.</p><p>"Changing what you call it doesn't change what it is. You want to interrogate me because you don't trust me. That's why you won't send me on this mission. You don't trust I'll come back! All my life, you've been convinced that one day I'm going to turn to the Dark Side? <em>Why?</em> What have I done to break your trust? I told you about Snoke, I've trained in the Light Side, I've stayed loyal to the Jedi, I've done everything you and Master Luke have asked of me. So what is it about me that makes you so convinced I can't be trusted?"</p><p>"Ben, you are completely misunderstanding what I'm saying-"</p><p>"Don't tell me I misunderstand!" Ben cried, standing up suddenly. Leia stood up as well, attempting to reach out and touch his arm. This time, Ben shoved her hand off roughly and took a step away from her. "You think I don't notice the way you and Master Luke look at me. It's like you're afraid of me. What did I do to make you hate me?"</p><p>"Ben!" Leia cried, "I don't hate you-"</p><p>"Well you should because you know what?" Ben snapped, Amaya's words coming to his mind unbidden. <em>Whose side are you on, anyway? </em>"Snoke still talks to me. I lied. He never gave up. He's still in my head and I'm not even trying to get him out. At least <em>he</em> doesn't treat me like a problem that needs to be solved. And yes, I knew about the First Order long before you did, and I didn't tell you. Because I thought, naively, that if you didn't know that Snoke was still in my mind that maybe eventually you'd start trusting me. I thought maybe it was Snoke's fault you were afraid of me. But now I see that no matter what I do, I'm never going to be the son you wanted. So I give up. Tell Master Luke he can expel me from the Jedi Order if he wants because I'm leaving anyway."</p><p>"Ben, wait." Leia said, her face white as a sheet. "Stop. Come back here <em>now</em>!"</p><p>Ben ignored her as he walked down the hallway of the Senate as quickly as possible. Leia followed him, calling out to him, but Ben ignored her, climbing into the nearest ship and starting it before she could catch up.</p>
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